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Original poster

To expect people to leave a message if they want you to call them back

83 replies

Pineapplesareforever · 04/05/2020 00:16

On Saturday morning i missed a phone call from a friend who never normally calls me. By the time I saw the missed call on my phone, a good hour or so had passed and there was no voice message or text asking me to call her. So I thought nothing more of it, and carried on with my day, assuming that if it was something important she would have either called again or left a message for me to get back to her. Turns out that it was important, she had had a row with her DP and wanted someone to talk to, and friend is now in a huff that I didn't call her back when I saw the missed call. I've obviously apologised for not getting back to her but am curious about whether other people would automatically call someone back after seeing a missed call.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 04/05/2020 11:53

If I saw a missed call from a friend I would call them back. So what if it wa not super important - clearly there was a reason they called me. And if I ignore it, I let them know I don't care why they called.
My voicemail message asks people not to leave me voicemails, this thing should go out of fashion like fax machines.

MulticolourMophead · 04/05/2020 12:08

It's obvious that someone who calls you wants to get in touch so you call them back.

I'll call back at my convenience. Either leave me a message or try calling back again later. If I'm busy, it'll have to wait.

I'm still amused at the number of people I know in RL who assume that an incoming call has to be answered immediately.

minettechatouette · 04/05/2020 12:17

@lockheart - but equally - you might have called someone with serious anxiety or depression who doesn't feel they can muster the energy to return a missed call but who is able to prepare their response if they have a message explaining what is needed. What I'm saying is that when there are serious MH problems then the people around them need to reach out and make allowances. But that doesn't mean that we need to treat all of our friends as if they are an immediate suicide risk at all times. Most people will be able to leave a voicemail or send a text if they can't get in touch with someone right away.

Gatehouse77 · 04/05/2020 12:36

I’d have done the same as you. If you want me to return your call, tell me!
Most of my missed calls are pocket dials anyway 🙄

lottiegarbanzo · 04/05/2020 13:06

I think that if you want to talk to someone, you do any necessary chasing - by following up with a text, calling again later etc.

You don't leave a hint, then expect the other person to chase you.

That's what 'missed call, no follow up' is to me. An unsubstantiated hint that the person might want to talk - or maybe they misdialled, or had an urgent question they've long since dealt with, or they were free for a chat at that moment.

Hinting, then getting upset because someone else hasn't acted on your hint, is incredibly passive aggressive.

Just bloody spell it out and say what you want - with a text, or by calling again later. Use your words!

G5000 · 04/05/2020 14:14

People are saying that if a friend wants to talk to you, then they should be repeatedly calling and chasing you? Super rude and annoying in my book - if I don't answer my phone then I can't talk right now and will call back later. If you keep calling and calling then I will think it's some kind of an emergency and will be very annoyed if you just wanted to chat.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/05/2020 14:20

No. We're saying 'leave a message', of whatever sort suits you.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/05/2020 14:21

Otehrwise we don't know that you want us to call you back.

MulticolourMophead · 04/05/2020 14:25

lottiegarbanzo Exactly. A missed call is just that, it doesn't signify anything to me.

G5000 · 04/05/2020 14:27

A missed call signifies to me that this person tried to reach me for some reason. If a friend or colleague tried to reach me, I will call and ask what that reason was.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 04/05/2020 14:31

I'd call back if it was friends or family, especially if they didn't often call me. I don't think any of them would huff at me if I didn't though.

Ginfordinner · 04/05/2020 14:35

Multicolour I am probably a different generation to you. In my day it was rude not to answer the phone unless you weren't able to for one reason or another.

Your post clearly illustrates my earlier point of people thinking that they are far too important to answer the phone. If you are busy then that is fair enough.

My background is telesales BTW. Interestingly, our HOD has had to have words with younger team members for not answering the phone.

surprisinglyordinary · 04/05/2020 16:53

lottiegarbanzo Exactly. A missed call is just that, it doesn't signify anything to me.

100% this. If you don't bother to leave a message or send a text it's because it was not that important.

Fairyliz · 04/05/2020 17:41

I’d have to contact her just because I am so nosey and I would want to know what she had called for. Grin

Macncheeseballs · 04/05/2020 17:43

I don't return calls in general unless there is a message or text

Norma27 · 04/05/2020 17:51

My friends know I don't chat on the phone
That means if I phone them or they call me it is important and the person called phones back because it is unusual.

Norma27 · 04/05/2020 17:52

That means I call people back if I do miss a call too.

BamboozledandBefuddled · 04/05/2020 18:00

If it was DH or DM I'd ring back but we've always agreed that I would. Anyone else, I wouldn't ring back if they didn't leave a message. It would also be very likely that the call was 'missed' because I decided not to answer it. I have a mobile for my convenience, not for people to ring me when they're bored and want a chat whether I'm busy/in the mood or not.

Ginfordinner · 04/05/2020 18:16

Just Shock at how many self important, self absorbed posteres there are on this thread.

People who I know ring me because they want to talk to me. If I can't answer the call because I am busy/driving/in the shower, then I return their call when I can because I am not rude and I don't think that my time is more important than anyone else's.

And I am nosy Grin

SandyY2K · 04/05/2020 18:28

My mum is one of the very few people who leave a voicemail. If I see her missed call, I would call back anyway.

If I call my siblings, I don't bother leaving a message...they know it's me and they'll return my call, because they aren't waiting for a message to ask for a callback.

I find it quite strange that anyone would just ignore a missed call from a named contact and not see the need to return the call.

Some people also don't leave voicemails, because they don't know who else has access to your phone.

SandyY2K · 04/05/2020 18:31

I have a mobile for my convenience, not for people to ring me when they're bored and want a chat whether I'm busy/in the mood or not.

Wow...with this kind of attitude, would you have anyone who rang you for a chat anyway.

SandyY2K · 04/05/2020 18:33

@Ginfordinner

Just shock at how many self important, self absorbed posteres there are on this thread.

I couldn't agree more. Such an arrogance about it.

HopelessLayout · 04/05/2020 18:35

This drives me mad too! If they don't leave a message I assume it's just for a chat at their convenience so I wait for them to call back.

HopelessLayout · 04/05/2020 18:37

@Ginfordinner I'm guessing that in your day phones were used differently and people wouldn't ring for a two hour whinge about their partner/job/neigbours. Particularly if the call was "long distance"!

EggysMom · 04/05/2020 18:43

Wow...with this kind of attitude, would you have anyone who rang you for a chat anyway

Probably not but then I don't go in for idle non-productive chat.

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