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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think self-care is just a load of faff

88 replies

MeltedStars · 03/05/2020 12:00

I’ve been terrible at looking after myself since lockdown began so I made an effort to do all those things I used to do, and I just exhausted by it all.

1 hour exercise
Cook a healthy breakfast (instead of just popping in a piece of toast)
Face mask
Exfoliate for body (and now body scrub on the bathroom floor to clean up)
Shower, inc hair wash
Face serum/ eye cream/ moisturiser
Full body cream

Now I’m sitting on the bed trying to gear myself up to blow dry my hair as I know I will feel better if I do, but ugh! I don’t want to (not to mention my triceps are killing me)

I’m looking at my toe nails and thinking I should really sort the polish out
I still need to pluck my eyebrows and rogue upper lip hairs
I’m completely ignoring doing my own wax today as it takes 2 hours, but I also know it will be more painful if I leave it

And that’s before you even get to ‘mental and emotional’ self care.

AIBU to think it really is a huge faff and I would have been better just putting clean pjs on and eat a piece of cake?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2020 12:03

It's easier if you keep on top of it.

But ultimately it's best to do whatever makes you feel better, whether that's getting on with it or eating cake.

VioletCharlotte · 03/05/2020 12:04

You need to practise self care regularly, not try and do it all at once!

Pick two or three things a day to do that make you feel good about yourself, you'll soon see a difference in how you feel.

BogRollBOGOF · 03/05/2020 12:04

Well maybe pacing it would be a bit easier to manage

I'm sure you'll feel better when the mission is accomplished.

I'm going au-naturale as no one is within 2m to care and Extinction Rebellion can't set up camp to prevent deforestation of my body hair

TheoriginalLEM · 03/05/2020 12:07

Fuck that, i have a shower, let my hair dry naturally.

Just BE!

downcherrytreelane · 03/05/2020 12:07

I agree. I used to do a weekly pamper night and it used to take me around two hours to do everything! So instead I do little and often. My skincare is a routine so that is no effort at all to do now. Then I like to do one "extra" thing everyday e.g. tonight I will do a pedicure, tomorrow shave my legs, next night do my eyebrows, etc. It keeps everything maintained for very little extra effort.

Isawamagpie · 03/05/2020 12:09

If self care is causing you more stress than not doing it, or doing the basics, isn't that defeating the object?

Original poster

MeltedStars · 03/05/2020 12:10

I probably have overreached a bit today

It’s funny though, I used to get on with it fine before all of this. Now it just feels like another chore to accomplish.

I think the unruly body & face hair can wait until later in the week - my son is the only person close enough to me to notice.

OP posts:

Shinyletsbebadguys · 03/05/2020 12:11

I find self care is different for everyone and can change on the day. All those things might be self care for one but not for another.

There are days that putting face masks on and doing my hair is my self care but also a day where I am ok with not doing it and giving myself a break to do bugger all is self care as well.

It's not about exercise or face masks it's just about allowing yourself to do what works for you. Sometimes it's to watch Netflix and eat crisps but not feel remotely guilty for it sometimes it is about plucking your eyebrows. Self care is completely pointless if you see it as a "should" or a has to

Nameofchanges · 03/05/2020 12:12

It’s about routine. Once you’re in a routine it isn’t a faff.

But I also think you need to choose the self care that actually matters to you.

My self care is teeth, shower, basic skincare, vitamins, speak to family, read, meditate. I’m not going to worry about face masks and painting nails, although those are important and valuable to some people.

Original poster

MeltedStars · 03/05/2020 12:13

I feel guilty that I haven’t been doing it and I’ve noticed my jeans are a bit tighter, so I wanted to get back on top of things.

Skincare is a routine for me so that happens daily, but I thought I’d take it up a notch. Now I’m tired out and just want a nap.

OP posts:

cornersteps · 03/05/2020 12:15

*1 hour exercise
*Cook a healthy breakfast (instead of just popping in a piece of toast)
Face mask
Exfoliate for body (and now body scrub on the bathroom floor to clean up)
Shower, inc hair wash
Face serum/ eye cream/ moisturiser
Full body cream

Ok. I don't do any of that. It's only self care if it benefits you. Which it hasn't. The only thing on your list today that really should stay is doing some exercise because that is always going to be good for you. Apart from that a face mask is o my beneficial if you enjoy it.

My idea of self care is a shower and throw my hair up in a clip. I feel clean and fresh and that's all I need. The less effort I need to make the more I have cared for myself.

KenDodd · 03/05/2020 12:22

I would bin all that stuff apart from washing and exercising.
I didn't even do 90% of that stuff before lockdown. Don't even own a hairdryer, only remove body hair when I know I'll be showing that part of my body (like on holiday). I do a professional job and have business meetings all the time so need to look presentable and manage fine without the faff.

UnabashedlyNeurodifferent · 03/05/2020 12:22

Now I’m tired out and just want a nap.

Your self care now would be to take that nap.

It's about following your body's needs and caring for yourself in the most comfortable way possible. Be it all at once or one little thing at a time - whichever you find easier.
If it's chore in the moment you're doing it, then it's not self care. If you're doing it because you 'have to' and you resent the process, then it isn't self care.

Find something easier one step at a time and just allow yourself to be.

Ninkanink · 03/05/2020 12:24

Self care is about caring for yourself in the way that best nourishes your body and soul. Not just taking on a load of extra work and pressure for the sake of it.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 03/05/2020 12:25

My God this is all very high maintenance. Doest sound remotely necessary/ Shower, hairwash and blowdry. File nails and moisturiser, 15 mins max. And not every day

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 03/05/2020 12:26

What shinyletsbebadguys said. Self care is about giving yourself what you want and need, not a to-do list to be ticked off.

FWIW my version of self care includes some of the things you mention but also early nights, time to crochet / sew, watching what I want on tv.

Friday I cleaned the house, exercised, cooked a healthy tea and did a lot of self grooming. Yesterday I slept late, DH did the cooking and I spent time crocheting. It was what I needed then, but today I'm back to being productive.

If you need a nap, either have one or schedule yourself an early night!

Branster · 03/05/2020 12:29

It’s never ending OP.
I do everything on rotation and do my own ‘treatments’.
Start top to bottom or the other way around. You’d have two weeks of no major ‘work’ then it starts again.
Once a month I dye my hair and sort out any waxing/IPL. I try to do them on the same day. Once a week is face mask, hair mask, manicure, pedicure, body exfoliation. I try to do these in one day and some overlap.
Every day is face cleansing and regular face products. As well as body brushing and moisturising. Shower and wash hair doesn’t count, it’s like brushing your teeth.
But I don’t make any of this to be some sort of ritual, set aside special time, candles and stuff. It’s maintenance I fit in to my time as to do tasks. And I never have time or patience for a bath.
I can’t be arsed with meditation or planned exercise. It’s pointless to me. My calm time is reading a book which might eat in to valuable sleep time but I’m OK with it because I get a lot of enjoyment out of it. Exercise is doing various moves whilst doing something else or if I am very early I’d use 20 min for a routine I follow (made up by me), sometimes I go for a run or bike ride when I feel like it and going to the gym is such a hassle that a rarely bother as it feels I’m wasting too much time but I don’t stress over it. My secret is to not sit down much, ever. I’m very active so that helps (plane travel and going to the cinema are torture for me but meetings I can just about manage).
Basically, go with the flow and introduce one action a week to build up a plan. Once you have a routine going then you’ll do it automatically and feel great for it. Don’t aim to get everything done all the time and don’t be your worst efficiency critic.
Enjoy it, as you say you know you’d feel better for it. You can talk yourself into it but I find it’s easier to say it’s another thing that needs doing and just do it. Like taking the rubbish out, it needs doing, yes it can wait a bit but do it now then it’s done and frees up future time.
But don’t undervalue the power of just doing nothing every now and then. It’s good for you.

NameChange84 · 03/05/2020 12:30

I struggle with self care too.

I know I should but it’s exhausting and then I feel guilty that I haven’t and ashamed of my dry patches on my heels or frizzy hair or furry food.

On the plus side I’ve been single for over 5 years and it looks like my chances of dying are higher than my chances of ever having sex again. Yay for involuntary celibacy.

NameChange84 · 03/05/2020 12:31

Should say furry foof.

My food isn’t mouldy or anything.

But my foof is rank.

Runkle · 03/05/2020 12:33

You haven't got to do it all in one day. And I don't think a shower can be in the same list as the extras, it's basic. Do whatever suits you.

KenDodd · 03/05/2020 12:34

Having said all I did, well, it's not like anyone is busy doing loads of other stuff at the moment so you have to fill your day doing something.

cornersteps · 03/05/2020 12:36

ashamed of my dry patches on my heels or frizzy hair or furry food.

Self care would be understanding hair on your 'foof' is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed about.

Futurenostalgia · 03/05/2020 12:36

There’s no way I’d be doing all that especially at the moment. What’s the point?

Wash and go here.

puzzledgirlispuzzled · 03/05/2020 12:38

Self care does not have to be intense and all at once. Slowing my head down and simply taking the day at my own pace and not allowing myself to feel mentally frazzled is self care to me

AravisTarkheena · 03/05/2020 12:38

I think this post is a really good example about how a lot of the stuff (successfully) marketed to us as ‘self care’ is WORK! Painting nails and blow drying hair is beauty work. Do it if you want but it’s not necessary. The concept of self care was originally to do with radical feminism but it seems to have become very much a ‘wellness industry’ commercial opportunity.

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