Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think self-care is just a load of faff

88 replies

MeltedStars · 03/05/2020 12:00

I’ve been terrible at looking after myself since lockdown began so I made an effort to do all those things I used to do, and I just exhausted by it all.

1 hour exercise
Cook a healthy breakfast (instead of just popping in a piece of toast)
Face mask
Exfoliate for body (and now body scrub on the bathroom floor to clean up)
Shower, inc hair wash
Face serum/ eye cream/ moisturiser
Full body cream

Now I’m sitting on the bed trying to gear myself up to blow dry my hair as I know I will feel better if I do, but ugh! I don’t want to (not to mention my triceps are killing me)

I’m looking at my toe nails and thinking I should really sort the polish out
I still need to pluck my eyebrows and rogue upper lip hairs Blush
I’m completely ignoring doing my own wax today as it takes 2 hours, but I also know it will be more painful if I leave it

And that’s before you even get to ‘mental and emotional’ self care.

AIBU to think it really is a huge faff and I would have been better just putting clean pjs on and eat a piece of cake?

OP posts:
CrimeAndMumishment · 03/05/2020 13:37

"But my foof is rank"

Unless you haven't washed it for several days or you have an unpleasant infection, it's really not.

EmpressLangClegInChair · 03/05/2020 13:40

I know I should but it’s exhausting and then I feel guilty that I haven’t and ashamed of my dry patches on my heels or frizzy hair or furry foof

But that’s (sorry) ridiculous. It honestly is.

You have no obligation to have soft heels or non-frizzy hair or a bald vulva. I wouldn’t go near mine with wax or a razor or anything else.

My self-care yesterday was getting up around 11, making myself a sausage sandwich & spending most of the day crocheting in front of the TV before yoga, a long hot shower and a pizza, and I felt infinitely better for it.

MintyMabel · 03/05/2020 14:04

In what world is a shower and washing your hair self care? It’s basic hygiene.

cornersteps · 03/05/2020 14:05

In what world is a shower and washing your hair self care? It’s basic hygiene.

In the world where people are struggling. It's basic understanding.

speakout · 03/05/2020 14:07

MintyMabel

Of course it can be self care. Hygiene is self care surely? It can be basic and perfunctory or luxurious.

For many it is a significant thing to do.
Some people who struggle with MH issues find it a huge challenge to do something as basic as shower. Many homeless people don't have access to facilities to shower.

A shower is much more than washing to me.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 03/05/2020 14:08

Surely it’s only self care if it makes you feel good!

If you want toast for breakfast- eat the toast
If you don’t want to body cream your body-don’t

Life is too short to do stuff that doesn’t make you feel good because you think you have to as it’s “self care”

CrimeAndMumishment · 03/05/2020 14:08

@cornersteps cheering at your comment

ofwarren · 03/05/2020 14:09

@EmpressLangCleginChair
Your self care sounds divine.
Grooming of any kind isn't self care for me. I just want time to relax, maybe have a glass of wine, watch what I want to watch on the TV, take a walk alone, visit the library or an art gallery alone.

poolsofsunshine · 03/05/2020 14:10

MintyMabel of course hygiene is self care.

If you're teaching someone to perform their own self care, you're teaching them to keep themselves clean, fed and healthy not to wax their legs or pluck their eyebrows.

If you're doing personal care for someone else you're doing hygiene and physical comfort related tasks. If they want their legs waxed or their eyebrows plucked those are tasks for a beautician, not a carer.

Personal health and hygiene tasks are self care. Beauty treatments are not.

Original poster
MeltedStars · 03/05/2020 14:17

I fully accept that I’m being silly and confusing self care with beautification.

I have taken heed to this to all your comments, come back from shopping to put some comfy joggers on and have a bottle of wine ready to enjoy a nice glass tonight whilst watching some Netflix.

I might paint my nails if the mood takes me, but not because I have to. Wink

OP posts:
poolsofsunshine · 03/05/2020 14:20

MeltedStars Wine cheers!

We don't have any alcohol left in the house except some disgusting sour apple thing...

bullyingadvice2017 · 03/05/2020 14:23

I never do most of that list. Wouldn't even know how to do most of it. Clean teeth, Inc floss. Shower, Wash hair. Shave if need to get that bit (rarely so means a 2 razor job 🤣)

That's it really? Deodorant, perfume occasionally. Hairbrush.

Original poster
MeltedStars · 03/05/2020 14:50

poolsofsunshine

I fully understand your pain! I looked to see what the supplies were like before going shopping and all the premium alcohol was gone - just the suspect homemade liquors that I’d received as a gift.

OP posts:
hoorayforharoldlloyd · 03/05/2020 14:53

I don't understand why self care means following hardcore 'beauty' regimes. Shouldn't self care mean having a long bath if you like, eating food that's good for you but you also like it, spending time in a way that's relaxing for you?

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 03/05/2020 14:54

Sorry, missed update. Sounds much better!

Rosebel · 03/05/2020 14:59

It's difficult to find any self motivation. For a week or two my whole family was struggling with self care. Now I force myself to shower and dress every day. I'm building myself up to start going for walks again and eat more healthily but haven't quite managed it.The motivation isn't there yet.

Tiredmumma89 · 03/05/2020 15:05

I'm spending alot of time in pyjamas but showering daily. Washing hair every other day. Trying to remember to pluck eyebrows and chin hair lol!!! I grow one random hair occasionally. Whyyyy lol.

To be honest the self care I really want I can't have. I want to listen to music with headphones. I want an hour of Tele in the evening from 8.30pm. but the kids won't sleep.

I would love a lie in too. I'm absolutely shattered from the constant childcare, snacks, cleaning and cooking.

Everything has got on top of me now. Emotionally I'm struggling. It's all too much!!!

My parents take the pee if I'm in my PJ's with the kids. They call me lazy. But why get dressed lol. We get dressed every other day for a walk though.

Tiredmumma89 · 03/05/2020 15:07

P.s the thought of doing school runs again makes me want to cry. I will be knackered lol.

Branster · 03/05/2020 15:11

Of course these activities are self care. If you enjoy the process, result or both then you feel better and that has a positive impact on your well being and health. Also, you become more in tune with hour own body and notice changes much quicker which could have positive health implications.

This has nothing to do with what men think self care or hygiene is about.

Nameofchanges · 03/05/2020 15:25

Maybe self care follows something like the hierarchy of needs.

So you start at the bottom making sure you are warm, showered, have cleaned your teeth, have healthy meals and so on.

Then you move on to exercise, therapeutic activities, good relationships.

Then after than non essentials that you enjoy.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 03/05/2020 15:30

Sounds like "self care" has become another way of trying to convince women to participate in lengthy expensive needless grooming rituals to make them more attractive to men. The beauty industry cottoned onto the fact that telling women to look nice for men was somewhat out dated, and so moved on to selling then the exact same products, but now you're doing it for you and its "self care". Like how we're supposed to want to "treat ourselves" by buying sexy underwear or spending huge amounts at a beauty salon. None of this stuff is actually for us, it's just the same old sexist nonsense in new packaging. That's why men are encouraged to engage in "self care" by taking long naps and going to their hobbies, and women are encouraged to engage in self care by spending hours exfoliating their hairless bodies and putting on makeup. Just have a cup of tea and put your feet up OP. It's OK to have a "hairy foof" and unexfoliated arms. As long as you're meeting basic hygiene standards and responding to your body's need for food, water, exercise, and rest, that's all the self care you need.

EmpressLangClegInChair · 03/05/2020 15:34

Of course these activities are self care. If you enjoy the process, result or both then you feel better and that has a positive impact on your well being and health.

Well yes, if you enjoy them. It sounds more as if the OP felt obligated to do them.

EmpressLangClegInChair · 03/05/2020 15:37

EmpressLangClegInChair Your self care sounds divine.

It was. I’m working full time from home, flat out 9-5 and I was exhausted. I countered any guilty feeling that I should be doing more with the reminder that this was crucial recovery time. And it worked 😀

peperethecat · 03/05/2020 15:41

I have taken heed to this to all your comments, come back from shopping to put some comfy joggers on and have a bottle of wine ready to enjoy a nice glass tonight whilst watching some Netflix.

Hurrah! Well done OP. I hope you enjoy yourself.

ofwarren · 03/05/2020 15:42

ByGrabThars
Very well said