To think self-care is just a load of faff

[MeltedStars]

I’ve been terrible at looking after myself since lockdown began so I made an effort to do all those things I used to do, and I just exhausted by it all.

1 hour exercise
Cook a healthy breakfast (instead of just popping in a piece of toast)
Face mask
Exfoliate for body (and now body scrub on the bathroom floor to clean up)
Shower, inc hair wash
Face serum/ eye cream/ moisturiser
Full body cream

Now I’m sitting on the bed trying to gear myself up to blow dry my hair as I know I will feel better if I do, but ugh! I don’t want to (not to mention my triceps are killing me)

I’m looking at my toe nails and thinking I should really sort the polish out
I still need to pluck my eyebrows and rogue upper lip hairs
I’m completely ignoring doing my own wax today as it takes 2 hours, but I also know it will be more painful if I leave it

And that’s before you even get to ‘mental and emotional’ self care.

AIBU to think it really is a huge faff and I would have been better just putting clean pjs on and eat a piece of cake?

Exfoliate for body (and now body scrub on the bathroom floor to clean up)

Just do this standing in the bath/shower so you don’t have to clean the floor.

But yes, it’s a huge faff. I didn’t even wax my top lip for 3 weeks & it’s usually a weekly necessity. I finally did it when I could see, during a video conference call, that it was getting pretty obvious

Okay, I think I accept I’m getting the concept a bit wrong here. A shower and my skincare after exercise would have been sufficient. I’m not even going to see my toe nails are I have socks on.

So on this basis, I’m ignore the other ‘to-do’ things and continue with my jigsaw for half hour (with a herbal tea for good measure).

I'd say only 3 things on your list are self care - the rest is not only unnecessary but also vastly overrated and pointless unless you enjoy it and it makes you happy.

Exercise, eat well, wash.

The rest isn't self care unless it gives you joy - like any hobby.

You might as well add "read a challenging book" or "paint a picture" or "do a sudoku puzzle and a crossword" or "learn how to sew a simple piece of clothing" or anything else that some people put a bit of effort into and feel better for doing, to your list.

I know it’s not the point of this thread and everyone has different levels of “grooming” that make them happy, but are men expected to worry about ANY of this (apart from basic hygiene and tidy hair)?

All of that is normal for me, particularly daily showering and applying skincare. That’s as basic as brushing your teeth surely.

You don’t have to exercise in the morning, especially during lockdown where you have more time throughout the rest of the day. No point if you find it overwhelming.

You don’t need to wash hair and blow dry every single day.

You can use exfoliating shower gloves with a normal shower gel on most days and save the scrub for once a week, you don’t want to overdo it! Same with face masks, dependant on what it’s supposed to help with

You don’t have to cook breakfast every morning either. Basic options are fruit, yogurt, smoothies etc. If you’re serious about working out, a protein shake or a protein heavy breakfast.

I know it’s not the point of this thread and everyone has different levels of “grooming” that make them happy, but are men expected to worry about ANY of this (apart from basic hygiene and tidy hair)?

I just had that same conversation with my ex (we are living together during lockdown).

For him, he just needs to exercise and jump in the shower - so you are right, I have no idea why I’m doing the extra at the moment.

It does make me feel good about myself when I’m done, but I’m not sure the stress is worth the payoff a especially now.

Check out the 'Princessing' thread in Style&Beauty. Highly entertaining read

but are men expected to worry about ANY of this (apart from basic hygiene and tidy hair)?

I follow "the men's" process. Always have but I see it as my process, not men's. Good basic hygiene, neat and tidy, including my surroundings. Everything else is extra when and if I feel like it. I don't care what is 'expected' of me, I do what I want, harm no one and don't feel the need to follow expectations.

I don't pluck or shave anything mainly because I react to it and also because I don't want to - it's an unnecessary fuss and such a chore. Couldn't give a hoot what someone else expects. They can shove it.

Christ, no way would I do all that

I shower and wash my hair daily.
I always give myself half an hour with a cup of coffee in the morning.
I light lovely smelling scented candles.

Most of what you've listed isn't really self-care, is it? It's just pampering yourself - which is fine if you enjoy it, but a waste of time if you don't.

I think some self care things are more important that others, and it's identifying which ones help you. I have found that reading for an hour before bed with no technology in reach has really helped my mental health during lockdown (it can be anything, a novel, magazine, memoir, it's just really calming.)

Self care can be a pita if you pressure yourself too much about it though, which sort of defeats its purpouse.

I really couldn't be arsed with all of that. It's not self care if it's a stress or a faff.
Wash, eat good food, do some exercise and relax..

A furry foof is not rank! Please don’t tell yourself that.

I say that as someone who at this point in life takes everything off, but because I want to and I like the feel of it, not because my vulva in its natural state is anything but beautiful. I sported a seventies bush for many years, right through my young adult years, childbearing years, the separation and divorce years, finding a new man and having my life’s big love affair, and at no point in all that time was my vulva rank.

Sorry for the tangent but the stories we tell ourselves about our bodies I’m their natural, powerful state do matter. Self care starts with self acceptance and appreciation.

I think you've mixed up self care with grooming! Self care is being kind to yourself and giving yourself treats. Some of those treats might be pampering beauty treatments or they could be a snuggle in bed.

*in their natural states...

My idea of self care is having clean hair

I think you're confusing self care with personal grooming.

If you want to wax yourself or blow dry your hair, do it. If you don't, don't.

Self care is about identifying what will make you feel better and doing that.

Exercise = always a good idea.
Obsessive exercise because you want rock hard abs by the time you come out of lockdown = probably not necessary.

Eating well = good idea.
Avocado this and chia seed that and no chocolate allowed = nah.

Cutting down on alcohol = yes if you drink too much.
Going completely teetotal when you're not an alcoholic or pregnant = no, sometimes having a nice glass of wine can be self care.

Try to broaden your definition of self care to include things you enjoy, such as reading a book or having a nice bath with a class of wine and the laptop balanced on the laundry basket so you can watch Netflix.

OP you seem to be mixing up grooming (making yourself fit society’s idea of good) and selfcare (doing things that make you feel good/happy).

My "extra" pampering consists of applying a smelly body moisturiser and that only happens if someone will be coming in close contact with me 😁

I hate hate hate blow- drying my hair!! I wish there was a magic 1 second way of drying it!

Self care is about caring for yourself - as in having an attitude of care and compassion. If you’re doing things out of others expectation or need then it’s not self care.

yeah, I would hate that, too! for me, basic shower and wash hair (not even day, it gets too dry and no need), if I use too many skin products my skin is worse, not better, what I do is: basic moisturiser, and often use just coconut oil for the body, dry brushing when I remember, I find actually my skin is best the more I leave it alone!

good diet, fasting and exercise are a daily must though, for health!

I want to add meditation, but with work and kids at home it may not be the best time... when fo you guys do it, if you do?

then for me, talking to friends and reading are self-care!

^Face mask
Exfoliate for body (and now body scrub on the bathroom floor to clean up)
Face serum/ eye cream/ moisturiser
Full body cream^

none of this is self care, it's unnecessary faffing, apart. Shower, wash with soap and water hair wash - job done.

OP that's not my idea of self care at all.

It's not a about bubble baths and moisturiser.

Self care is about recognising your needs, being truthful to yourself, and sometimes facikng difficult situations head on.

I am a huge fan of self care- not once have I done a body exfoliation.

For me self care can be tackling bills that has been on my mind for some time.
Getting rid of an abusive partner or ending a toxic relationship.
Standing up to a bully and speaking your mind.
It can be to do with wine and chocolate cake, but not exclusively.
It can be healthy or "unhealthy" depending on your needs.

My self care often takes the form of lots of little things through the day, lighting a candle, playing some uplifting music or an early night.
It can be a late night too- and wine.

Self care is about recognising your needs, keeping your vessel filled, and actual acts of self care will be different for every one of us.

An act of self care can be painting your toenails and shaving your pubic hair, or it may be the dismissal of the expectation that these things "need" doing at all.

Have a think about what authentic sef care means to you, not what others are telling you it means.

If women want to beautify themselves, go ahead. I do it sometimes too. But can we please be honest about the fact that this is "beautification" not self-care? Very few of the things that the OP listed are actually about health or really anything other than making yourself look nicer in the eyes of a beholder. Men don't seem to think that they are "not taking care of themselves" if they don't do these things.

For me, self care is pretty much the opposite of doing a face mask and painting my toes. Self care is more like accepting myself and not having to be pretty in order to be acceptable.

As long as I smell ok and didn'teat a twix for breakfast, I guess I'm doing just fine.