Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a three year old can’t occupy themselves reliably for more than twenty minutes

101 replies

Dishwashersaurous · 02/05/2020 19:47

So working from home and juggling childcare of three year old. Was chatting with someone about how it’s a challenge. Explained that three year old is being good but if I set her up with an activity drawing, Lego, play dough etc she can’t occupy herself for more than about twenty minutes without requiring some adult intervention or questions being asked.

Friend was shocked and said that she would expect them to be silent and occupy themselves for an hour or two.

So aibu to ask how long you expect a three year old to occupy themselves for, excluding watching tv

OP posts:
Bienentrinkwasser · 02/05/2020 19:48

In my experience about 30 seconds! 😂

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/05/2020 19:49

I'm amazed at 20 minutes. More like 2 iirc...

Campurp · 02/05/2020 19:49

Does the friend have children? 20 minutes is a very long time for a 3 year old...

pandarific · 02/05/2020 19:49

Hahahhahahahahahahahahahaah. Oh my god. Hahaha.

Your friend is mad.

Doryhunky · 02/05/2020 19:49

Twenty minutes is pretty good. An hour would only be tv or an activity she was really passionate about.

TitianaTitsling · 02/05/2020 19:50

Yep about 1.5mins!!

Jilljams · 02/05/2020 19:50

My 2.5 year old can manage about 3 mins

NanooCov · 02/05/2020 19:50

My 5.5 year old won't occupy himself for more than 20 mins unless he's watching a film and even then he wants to tell me about it constantly.

OhioOhioOhio · 02/05/2020 19:51

How do you mean 'set stuff up'?

I think that one of the biggest problems arises because adults interfere by trying to entertain their kid. Put stuff out and let them get on with it.

Original poster
Dishwashersaurous · 02/05/2020 19:52

Oh god this is so reassuring. I thought that twenty minutes was pretty good actually but was really beginning to doubt myself

OP posts:
DominaShantotto · 02/05/2020 19:52

One of mine could have done - the other still can't do it now at age 8!

Nighttimefreedom · 02/05/2020 19:52

Does the friend have children??!!
Yep, I think you're doing well with 20 minutes to be fair. An hour or two is insane.

RibenaMonsoon · 02/05/2020 19:53

With my 3 year old it's about 5 minutes. If I'm lucky!

lyingwanker · 02/05/2020 19:53

Drawing, crafts, toys etc only last a short while. 20 mins would be good!

I can get longer using the TV or iPad if I need to get something done

Raaaa · 02/05/2020 19:53

I thought I was on my own aswell! Mine cannot play by herself she always has to drag me in Sad

TeethingBabyHelp · 02/05/2020 19:54

I think it all depends on the child. My DS is 2 and will happily play with his farm animals for half an hour, singing along to himself & moving them around the lounge. I'll usually be cooking or on a call and will pop head in to check and smile or say hello every couple of minutes but he's not looking for me to join in. He has fads in which game will hold his attention but he's always been fairly happy in own company, never needed constant playing WITH if that makes sense? Maybe your friend has a DC like that? I don't know why she'd be surprised though, I know lots of DC who don't play on their own at 3, it's still little. They're all different.

SuperSleepyBaby · 02/05/2020 19:55

20 minutes is great. I have a 3 year old who follows me everywhere and never stops asking me things and needing my help.

HerRoyalNotness · 02/05/2020 19:56

Sure 20 minutes is easy. If that involves rummaging in my makeup and drawing all over the bathroom with lipstick and mascara or emptying flour all over the flour and lying in it making angels.

Mangofandangoo · 02/05/2020 19:56

I can get about 3 minutes out of my 3 year old on a very good day

bluestarsatnightfall · 02/05/2020 19:57

My youngest could entertain herself for hours at that age, she's just turned 4 and still plays for hours with her toys or out in the garden. My oldest two always needed someone to play with them. Each child is different.

raspberryk · 02/05/2020 19:57

I genuinely can't remember, and my youngest only just turned 5.
I think 20 mins or so is normal, maybe a bit more sometimes? My eldest I think probably managed longer in something like cars or sand pit but he would be able to watch a whole film at 3 which my 5 year old struggles with now.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 02/05/2020 19:58

Your 3yo sounds normal, your friend is daft.

The only things that occupy my almost 3yo for longer than about 5-10min (outside of screens) are the water table (supervision needed) & the sandpit. He'll happily play in the sandpit for up to an hour with the occasional "I'm a still diggin' Mammy" in my direction to let me know what he's up to. My older 4 were similar as well, had maybe one or two things they would happily play for an extended period but 10-20 min max for everything else.

nomelodies · 02/05/2020 20:00

It depends on the child I think. My DD has always been quite good at occupying herself. Meanwhile my 6 year old DS still can't occupy himself for longer than a few minutes unless there's a screen involved.

slipperywhensparticus · 02/05/2020 20:03

It depends in the three year old

I had a migraine my daughter was around three I was lying on the sofa trying to shift it she was watching cbeebies I remember her coming over and checking on me and then I lost an hour I must have dozed off! she tucked her blanket around me and played with her toys watched tv I woke up horrified but there was no harm done and thankfully my mom arrived not long after to take her out and give me painkillers

My sons? 40 seconds max even now at 7 and 11 I monitor EVERYTHING via my phone even when I'm on the loo my youtube screen is open on what they are watching currently I can hear ds 1 in the kitchen and I've text to ask why and I'm supervising ds2 upstairs

NatalieH2220 · 02/05/2020 20:03

I'm trying to do the same with working from home and also have a 3 year old. It's a struggle!

Playing without interrupting you at all I'd say 20 mins is pretty good, my son is about the same.

He will play longer on his own but will need to ask questions and interrupt me rather than playing completely independently.