To think that a three year old can’t occupy themselves reliably for more than twenty minutes

[Dishwashersaurous]

So working from home and juggling childcare of three year old. Was chatting with someone about how it’s a challenge. Explained that three year old is being good but if I set her up with an activity drawing, Lego, play dough etc she can’t occupy herself for more than about twenty minutes without requiring some adult intervention or questions being asked.

Friend was shocked and said that she would expect them to be silent and occupy themselves for an hour or two.

So aibu to ask how long you expect a three year old to occupy themselves for, excluding watching tv

It can be the strangest of things that engages them! Have you tried mixing it up with things to prompt a story so that they can make bits up along the way - like characters?

It's very different in the classroom however and we have a space and authority that works that wouldn't work at home - so very easy for teachers to suggest things, I know.

I'll dig out some teachers stuff and see if I can come up with some ideas! All the best and I do believe you are doing a fantastic job under these circumstances, all you parents. Cannot be easy, at all xx

20 mins is great for that age. Your friend has forgotten what 3 year olds are like. They certainly can't be told not to disturb mummy - it just wouldn't compute. She's thinking of much older children.

Lucky to get 20 mins!!

This is a good book - with something you can copy at home

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1474914330/ref=pe_3187911_185740111_TE_item_image?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

You can then extend it and make it about colours of counting

colours or counting

Your friend has forgotten. I seriously doubt her DC entertained themselves for an hour or two on their own.

20 minutes is amazing! My DC wouldn't leave me alone for 20 minutes at 3 yo. Heck, my 7 year old won't reliably leave me alone for 20 minutes without a screen.

Depends on the child.
DD1 was amazing. Give her a book or colouring she would sit quietly for easily an hour or longer as long as she could see me.
Dd2 would have been about 10 minutes before she turned her concentration to something you definitely didn't want to encourage.
Ds' concentration made up for the other two

They're all different. DD could have entertained herself all day I reckon! DS can entertain himself for about an hour at a push on a good day. I wouldn't ever expect a toddler to be silent though! Quiet maybe, but I'd be worried if they were silent for any amount of time. Maybe my kids are just noisy

My 3 (nearly 4 year old) used to be able to potter and entertain herself quite well especially if she was absorbed in role play or pottering in the garden. Since lock-down she is much more needy and less willing to play on her own - just at the point it would be quite handy.

Generally, she goes for speed and quantity and not quality in what she does. Colouring and other craft things are over in minutes unless she’s super interested. For example, I got loads of sticker mosaics as I remember my niece sitting and playing for ages, completing them nicely. My child has never finished a single bloody one. She gets enthusiastic and starts lots and switches between them. We must have about 20 partially complete things that can’t possibly be thrown out because they are her favourite things in the world. Gah. Even accounting for age, this child is never going to be a completer finisher. She is however super creative and ideas just flow out of her. I suspect will challenge us until she leaves home.

Nursery worker here. Been in the business nearly 20 years.
You are a genius and your friend is bloody batshit. 🍷

Depends on the child, the activity, and their given mood on that day surely. My 3 year old can watch TV reliably without supervision for an hour (more if he's tired), play with Lego for 30 minutes (more if it's new), and draw/paint for 10 minutes without supervision.

But some days he wakes up on the wrong side of bed and on those days I wouldn't even leave him to pee on his own . Your friend is being unreasonable

It is amazing how quickly you forget. I thought our 2 children could do this at 3 no problem, DP has a very different memory of then and said yes they would play with one thing for 20 minutes, but demand constant input.

All three of mine could entertain themselves for hours. They're now very happy independent 13. 10 and 8 year olds. I don't think I would have been able to get anything done if they couldn't go for 20 measly minutes without my interaction.

20 minutes is brilliant.
My oldest could occupy herself for 20-40 minutes happily playing but my youngest there is no way in hell.
She yells ‘MUM MUM’ desperately then when I get to her says “Just telling you that I don’t need you.”

An hour if there's a movie on

Easy knowing your friend has older children. My MIL says things like this all the time and I think it’s just people forget and only remember the times when the kids were being angels and behaving perfectly. Maybe there are children who can occupy themselves for that length of time but I would hazard a guess it’s far from the norm. Do what you have to do to survive in these times IMO.

Hahahahaha does your friend have kids? In my experience - I’ve been through three 3yr olds! Unless they are hooked on a particular programme/movie or they are doing an activity they absolutely love (one of mine loved her puzzles so much she would spend around 30 mins doing them by herself) then there is no chance of them occupying themselves for more than 2 mins

said that I just needed to say that I needed to work and must not be interrupted

^^
Yeah, just tell them that eh

God I'd struggle to occupy my 6yo son for 20 mins! At 3 absolutely not longer than 15-20 mins!

My 3yo could occupy herself for most of the day. She quite happily just gets out her own things and loves playing on her own. Sometimes she'll ask if she can get certain things out. My 8yo however will tell me she's bored every 3.5 minutes and at age 3 could occupy herself probably for about 20 mins. They're all different though.

It's quite a while since mine were that little, but I think I'd have been wondering what they'd got into if they were quiet for much longer than 15-20 minutes. There were a couple of films (videos then) that might have kept them quiet for a bit longer, but not if they were on too often.

Another saying it depends on the child.
DD1 is 6 next month. She still struggles to occupy herself for over 20mins without a screen. She needs others to play with.
DD2 is 3 (nearly 4) and has been able to happily play by herself fully immersed in a game she's created for an hour plus since she was 2. However, the catch is there's no way she can do it on demand! It happens naturally when something captures her imagination.

Really depends on the child. My 2yo can play for an hour or more by himself, he gets absorbed in his toy cars and doesn't like me joining in even if I try (I'm pushing the cars wrong apparently ). But that's just how he is, certainly nothing I've done or taught him and I wouldn't act shocked if a friend told me their kid was different.

Depends on the child.

My 3yr old can happily occupy himself for an hour or more, if it’s an activity he’s chosen. He’d demand more interaction if it was an activity I’d set up for him.

Although, having said that, he seems to have a sixth sense for knowing when I want some peace and quiet to concentrate on something.

If I’m doing stuff that can be easily dropped and wouldn’t mind being disturbed - he’ll continue playing happily by himself.
I’m doing something that requires concentration and I really don’t want to be disturbed - he’s almost guaranteed to pop up after a few minutes demanding that I fetch something or admire whatever he’s doing now now now. It’s uncanny

Hahahahhahahhahahahahha. I barely get 10 minutes out of mine.