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Original poster

To think that a three year old can’t occupy themselves reliably for more than twenty minutes

101 replies

Dishwashersaurous · 02/05/2020 19:47

So working from home and juggling childcare of three year old. Was chatting with someone about how it’s a challenge. Explained that three year old is being good but if I set her up with an activity drawing, Lego, play dough etc she can’t occupy herself for more than about twenty minutes without requiring some adult intervention or questions being asked.

Friend was shocked and said that she would expect them to be silent and occupy themselves for an hour or two.

So aibu to ask how long you expect a three year old to occupy themselves for, excluding watching tv

OP posts:
APipkinOfPepper · 02/05/2020 20:36

20 minutes sounds pretty good to me. And for a conference call you need quiet - if DH and I have a client call at the same time (not often thankfully) we put the children in front of screens to ensure quiet and they are 7 and 11!

Poetryinaction · 02/05/2020 20:37

It's just not reliable is it? My 2 year old will sit and play with a dolls house or happyland people for ages. But she might do something random and stupid, like put something in her mouth, flush something down the loo or wet herself. So I have to be checking on her all the time.

Incrediblytired · 02/05/2020 20:37

Jesus.

She thinks you can just tell them not to interrupt you?

I mean you could but they would forget within about 5 mins and probably draw on the walls or something.

LovelyBranches · 02/05/2020 20:41

I have a 5 and 3 year old. I completely acknowledge that my children are better than most at entertaining themselves. There have been times where they have spent hours playing happily with their toys or watching a film and then there are other days when I leave the room for 20 seconds and they are fighting or they’ve tipped something or they need help.

I’ve also been on work conference calls and had to pause the call to wipe my child’s bum. So even with children who are good at entertaining themselves, it can’t be relied upon in every situation.

userabcname · 02/05/2020 20:42

Ha! As if! My nearly 3 year old needs a lot of attention and even when he is playing independently loudly narrates what he's doing so still isn't quiet.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 02/05/2020 20:43

Dd is 6.5 there are days when she can't occupy herself for 10 seconds! There are others where she will occupy herself for hours.

Your friend is batshit!

Rosebel · 02/05/2020 20:46

Eldest could occupy herself for about 30 minutes at that age. My youngest about 1 minute, maybe 2 if I was lucky.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2020 20:50

My dd was actually far better at occupying herself at this age than at 5 or 6. She did leave me alone for an hour or so aged 3 as I needed to rest every day. But struggled to do the same at 5/6. I think it totally depends on the child.

lachy · 02/05/2020 20:51

My DD has just turned 4. Aside from when she's engrossed with an app on her tabet, she will probably play by herself for 15 minutes at most.

Entirely normal. Most children are like this.

Livpool · 02/05/2020 20:54

My DS is 4 and that is about his limit tbh!

Even with a film he has to talk and ask questions constantly

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 02/05/2020 20:59

Friend was shocked and said that she would expect them to be silent and occupy themselves for an hour or two.

To think that a three year old can’t occupy themselves reliably for more than twenty minutes
mangocoveredlamb · 02/05/2020 21:00

20 mins sounds great for a 3 yo.

I’ve also found that my kids have been significantly more needy during lockdown. So what could have entertained them for ages on a free Saturday afternoon isn’t having the same impact as they are so under stimulated in every other area. Even the tablets aren’t working any more with my two.

ElbasAbsentPenis · 02/05/2020 21:05

Your friend is bonkers. My 3 year old can't even watch TV for more than 5 minutes without shouting for me to come and answer his endless questions about it.

Camomila · 02/05/2020 21:05

Honestly, at 3 if I set up the big brio track for DS he could have happily stayed there for an hour chatting to his trains and acting out various deliverys.

But I used to teach nursery and I know that this is unusual and I'm very lucky!

20min sounds about right for lots of 3 year olds.

Emmagen · 02/05/2020 21:09

My 3 year old can keep himself entertained just playing around the house for ages, easily up to an hour or so. He checks in with us every now and then, normally informs us of something nonsensical and then trots off happy as Larry. It's when he feels like it though and not reliable.

BUT

If I set him up with an activity he needs constant interaction and normally lasts about 5 minutes, 15 tops with lots of encouragement and jollying him along.

He is also never quiet, ever, unless he's asleep!

Idontbelieveit12 · 02/05/2020 21:10

My son is 3 and can’t manage 20 minutes! Unless he’s tired and watching a film 😂

MaryShelley1818 · 02/05/2020 21:14

I think it just totally depends on the child and their personality.

My almost 2.5year old has always been really good at independent play, he's got a huge imagination and can play with his figures and Duplo for literally hours on end.
I can take zero credit for this, it's just the way he is!

espressoontap · 02/05/2020 21:28

20 mins sounds great. My 3 1/2 yr old DS can manage about 10. He's exhausting at the moment. Earlier in my pregnancy during the whole nausea and debilitating exhaustion he would let me doze on the sofa and play happily whilst coming to check on me, no such luck now though.

Phifedean123 · 02/05/2020 21:31

@Girlinterruption2020
I feel like I've tried that kind of thing but failing miserably. Got a big cardboard box today and we drew trains and a track on it. Well I did and he watched unimpressed Grin
Paints, I feel I spend more time setting up and cleaning than painting haha! I'll keep persevering and hopefully in a couple months it will be more appealing

CookPassBabtridge · 02/05/2020 21:37

My first boy could occupy himself for AGES, but he was more in his own little world busy getting on with things. Second boy... 30 seconds before he needs input and feedback and chat Grin

Mouthfulofquiz · 02/05/2020 21:42

My 3 year old is a third child - and so has always had to have a little more patience. He can honestly play for probably an hour to 90 minutes with Lego or jigsaw puzzles (age appropriate obviously) and has his older siblings (6 and 8) to play with as well. If they weren’t there in the background I’m sure he would want me more!

GrumpyHoonMain · 02/05/2020 21:46

It depends on the child. DN could quiet happily occupy herself for hours provided I had her in the same room as me, and her drinks and snacks readily available. Her brother would last 10 minutes before trying to karate chop me during a video-conferance meeting. I often needed to have him on my lap during meetings and this was before Corona.

FilthyforFirth · 02/05/2020 21:46

Christ, what I wouldnt give for 20 minutes. DS is 5 mins tops. He will be 3 in July. He needs constant supervision and help to play. 'Please play with me mummy' haunts my dreams, as we can't always do that whilst working.

I would genuinely be so happy with 20 mins at this age.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/05/2020 21:50

A minority of young children are happy in their own company. My niece was one - at 3 she could be given a box of craft bits and would sit for hours doing it all by herself.

Most are not like this. Most young children crave adult attention and while they may get absorbed in activity for 10-20 mins, they generally want to involve a parent before long. It's normal.

Sadly some children will stay quiet for long periods because they have been ignored a lot/taught that disturbing their parent doesn't get them anything.

mullyluo · 02/05/2020 21:52

About 30 minutes, on a good day. Two hours! Hmm don't think so.