To think that a three year old can’t occupy themselves reliably for more than twenty minutes

[Dishwashersaurous]

So working from home and juggling childcare of three year old. Was chatting with someone about how it’s a challenge. Explained that three year old is being good but if I set her up with an activity drawing, Lego, play dough etc she can’t occupy herself for more than about twenty minutes without requiring some adult intervention or questions being asked.

Friend was shocked and said that she would expect them to be silent and occupy themselves for an hour or two.

So aibu to ask how long you expect a three year old to occupy themselves for, excluding watching tv

Rule of thumb for working out your child's attention span in minutes is

Their age in years +/- 2

So most 3 year olds have an attention span between 1-5 minutes. If you can reliably get 20 mins you're very lucky!

Has your friend met any children?

This is one of those situations where every child is different; there's no right nor wrong and nothing you can do about it. Tbh both my girls did entertain themselves for hours at that age - they loved those peppa pig figures. I bought hundreds off eBay and they'd spend hours lining them all up for a go on a slide or whatever.

20 minutes is really pretty good. If you keep building on this as they get older you'll end up with a nice chunk of time soon.

It depends on the kids.
Mine have all been able to occupy themselves for longer than 20 minutes at that age.

With an ipad or anything that she wasn't supposed to do we could definitely get a bit of time . An hour? Only when asleep

She has grown up children.

Sometimes will play for hours with minimal input, particularly outside.

But I was talking in particular about the challenge of really important meetings where I need to concentrate and I said that I had to put the tv on. She was genuinely horrified and said that I just needed to say that I needed to work and must not be interrupted

My DS is 3.5 and will usually happily sit and play Lego or with his toys for 15/20 minutes without actively engaging me. I can have a bath and leave him upstairs in the bedroom with some toys, the TV on and a biscuit and he'll leave me be for up to about half an hour (Our house is the size of a postage stamp, all doors are open and I can either see or hear him at all times). He's happy in his own company though.

My 2.5yo will watch a film or play on her own for an hour easily without a break.

I am wfh all day and she is in the lounge watching tv and playing with her toys for 3 or 4 hours a day quite happily.

20 minutes?! Mine can still barely sit still long enough to have a poo and he’s almost five.

5 minutes

But he's getting very clingy since lockdown. Any time I leave the room, he follows me and holds my hand to lead me back into the living room

Ah the rose tinted glasses of those with grownup children.

Out of curiosity were her kids in nursery at that age/looked after someone else?

I have a family member who thinks her kid was the bees knees in terms of behaviour and obedience and she's an example of how to parent. The truth is her kid lived with my mum and grandma between 1 and 3 and then went to kindergarden.

Depends on the child but 20 minutes is pretty good! I remember telling a colleague I couldn’t work Christmas because DH was working (police officer) and I had my one year old to look after. She suggested bringing her in and letting her read quietly in the corner When I said that wasn’t possible she proceeded to lecture me on my poor parenting and spoilt child...

Completely depends on the child. If I’d had two of DS2 I’d have said the same (hours of imagination play by himself). Luckily for my friends I had DS1 first who still can’t (aged 7) cope for more than 20 minutes (unless a screen is involved).

DS2 was like this even as a baby. Happy to spend half an hour on his mat batting at the toys. Felt like a miracle after DS1.

My 3 yo could reliably occupy herself by quietly munching stolen chocolate, emptying packets on the kitchen floor, or pouring shampoo and toothpaste in the bath. Otherwise, no.

My child is a fair bit younger, but plays with his toys in his room for about an hour at a time before he wants my input. It very much depends on the child.

One of mine could have done this; and often did. The other still can't manage more than about 3 seconds at age 5, without getting up to something she shouldn't.

I taught Reception on supply (normally teach much older) and was told that 4-5 years have a window of between 5-8 minutes for listening and retaining information. Any longer than that and they switch off.

Now, not all do and some can appear to be listening/engaging but are actually tuned out/daydreaming.

All normal.

20 minutes on one task is good as during the school day they will be moved on to different tables and tasks quite quickly so that they don't get lost in just one activity all the time.

20 minutes would be heaven! My 2.5yo is getting worse as lockdown goes on, maybe it's a bit of cabin fever. I'll set up paints or playdoh etc and he'll love it for about 5 minutes then he'll get angry about something. I can't win at the mo

Yes she has completely forgotten what it is like, don’t worry. Or worse still, perhaps a bit of a scary ‘children should be seen and not heard’ parent. But I’d wager she remembers being able to instruct a much older child that way and has morphed it in her memory to a 3yr old.

Depends on the child.

A mountain of duplo in the front room would keep my kids entertained ages at that age.

That being said, they would talk, make noise etc. I couldn't do a bloody conference call with it going on in the background.

Also depends on the activity. One child could spend hours tipping water in and out of a container but couldn't sit still on the carpet for 2 seconds.

Schemas are interesting - they make sense when you think about them from a child's perspective

www.pacey.org.uk/working-in-childcare/spotlight-on/schemas/#typesofschema

My kids are really good at entertaining themselves. I sometimes don’t see them all day!

My 2.5 year old can occupy herself for 20+ minutes but that's with me in the same room keeping an eye on what she's doing. She doesn't need me to intervene in her play or play with her but she's still fairly likely to climb on a windowsill or draw on a wall if left to her own devices for too long.

I certainly couldn't work for an hour or two and leave her to it.

My 3 year old can only be left to his own devices for about 10 seconds 😂

@Phifedean123
There is a sweet spot where you set up the table with paints, etc and then make the activity just a little bit more complicated to keep them engaged.

So, painting a rocket - if you use a smaller tipped brush it will take longer to cover, if you draw lines so that they make stripes or patterns to colour in or if you build a narrative around it - so give them a story so that they can then develop it themselves (that should keep them going for a bit!)

All stuff I'm sure you are doing - I just remember how exhausting that age were from teaching!