ABU to put a note on my very rural door telling randoms to eff off.

[KnickersandGnomes]

Possibly outing but I'm a bit freaked out. Nearest neighbours are over a mile away, they really are - I live in the middle of nowhere. Couriers wont deliver because they swear they can't find the place blah blah etc etc.

I have some pretty horrid health issues, mostly Lyme Disease based and they leave me so tired and wrung out.

This afternoon I had some unexpected knocking at my door which I ignored followed up by a woman's voice in my garden and banging on my living room, bedroom and porch windows.

There was nothing put though my letter box and my garden gate was left wide open (mahoosive no no as I have five dogs) and it's left me both angry and scared.

I don't like or want to be angry and scared but I am both now so I'm hoping that the Mumsnet wisdom can help?

I have no recent partner that I have parted with on bad terms and because of my illness I live a very quiet life these days so I am utterly lost?

Living rurally doesn’t mean no one will ever visit. Just call through the door “who is it?” And then if it’s someone you don’t want to speak to say you can’t get to the door right now.

If it bothers you that much why on Earth don’t you have a chain and padlock round your gate so no one can get onto your property at all 🤔

There's nothing wrong with putting a note on the door asking people not to bother you because of Covid-19 (or whatever else). The note could also request that they leave a note of their own, text you, etc. instead of knocking, if they need to contact you.

I'd also consider putting a sign on the gate instructing people to leave it shut because you have dogs. Assuming people heed it, it might serve a double purpose of protecting the dogs and warning would-be wrong-doers that you and your property have live-in protection.

Was it the sly, beguiling knock of a vampire wanting to be invited across your threshold, or the loud, violent thud of a partially-rotted zombie after your brains?

If the latter, it could be argued that you are immune to attack.

You said in a follow post that this isn’t a one off, so what do you mean - does this happen a lot?

As others say the simplest answer is often the right one.

What are you scared about OP? I don’t mean that rhetorically, by the way!

It is strange that she didn’t pop a note through the letterbox or call out her purpose. I live in the middle of nowhere. A (distant!) neighbour and I were checking on people earlier on in this, but we carried pre-written notes to pop through doors with our phone numbers and other useful info on them. We would not have gone in anyone’s garden back garden!

Police would also have called out their purpose, someone needing urgent help would presumably have too, and someone with more sinister motives would probably have been a bit stealthier, or just broken straight in.

My money is on someone who did not expect to call in. Someone with a lost dog (only takes 20 mins to walk 1 mile, so could easily be on someone’s circuit), local person walking who was walking or driving in the area and was for whatever worried for you, etc. Or someone deliberately trying to upset you maybe? Do you have anyone in mind?

I’d put my money on lost dog though.

Could you not have spoken to them form an upstairs window?

Where were the dogs? Not doing a great job at deterring intruders.

Well if u r adamant about not opening the door/window to understand what the problem is, you'll be living in fear and anxiety that the person will return again.

A bit pointless, dont u think? You arent helping urself.
it might be the person is lost and needed help.

You're scared but you purposely ignored the person.
So random

I do watch Killing Eve but I wouldn't be frightened of a woman in this situation.

Gosh, just read my post back. The errors!! Sorry

I grew up 2 miles from the nearest public road, so I do get that you’re on your own initiative/ you’re responsible for yourself and can’t rely on help.

But... Honestly, if someone was a threat to you they’d just smash a window and come right on in. Not answering the door (or even opening the window enough to be heard/hear the reply) only puts off someone who is NOT “out to get” you.
Sure, they had no business being there, likely they had the wrong place, or needed help that you wouldn’t have given them, but not interacting doesn’t keep you safer.

What do you mean, it's not a one - off?

How often does it happen? Do you ever find out what they want?

You need to swap your 5 mahoosive hounds for something else if you still freaked out despite having them!!..

People do find other people serious ill and need help without necessarily having a mobile phone on them. I found a young woman lying unconscious on my way through a park one evening - well before mobile phones - luckily all was well in the end on that occasion. I also know someone who as a mid-teenager on a bike ride found a Gentleman of the Road dying in a ditch a several miles from the nearest house shortly after the end of WW2 when petrol was still rationed. They had to make the decision whether to go for help, but with a high chance of leaving the still somewhat conscious man to die alone or to stay and hope that someone came past. They stayed and then went to fetch help afterwards. I'm sure they would have banged rather frantically at the door of the next house they came to, had the householder not came to see what help was needed rather more readily. I can't be sure the person - now obviously quite old -would not have left the gate open in their distress. They still choke up about that day if they have cause to recall it even now.
If its a situation like that it's unlikely to be repeated. I'm not sure if you would still feel angry with them.

I will never understand why someone gets freaked out by someone knocking on their door. If I was aware of someone who lived in my area, alone, and a mile away from anyway (say I walk my dogs there, so was aware I’d only ever seen one person or was aware of health issues for whatever reason) I would most certainly consider showing kindness and knocking to see if they needed any help, you can only say no, after all, and it might be nice for you to know someone was looking out for you when they don’t even know you, during this time, if I knocked and got no answer, it wouldn’t be “out there” to assume that there may be a problem, or you may need assistance, prompting a window knock.

It always crosses my mind that an unexpected knock could be somebody needing help also. But that’s how my mind works for whatever reason, imagine reading in the news tomorrow that some poor woman was found dead and it could have been them asking for help and you just didn’t answer?! It’s really odd

Why didn't you just answer the door?

Hi, OP

Sorry to hear you’ve been upset by this. Ignore the cruel posts, so unnecessary.
In your situation I think a Ring, or similar, doorbell would be great for you. You can speak to the caller without putting yourself at risk and it monitors your door so you can check on your phone whenever you want.
I think you are very brave living so remotely. I know I couldn’t do it, and I get annoyed with randoms knocking at my door in any event.

It is odd given the lockdown situation for someone to be banging at your door like this, I hope you get to the bottom of it.
Take care.

Next time ask? I honestly don’t understand people who don’t answer doors or ask out a window on mumsnet. I appear to had attract the randoms at my door despite being a little isolated these include; helping a slightly drunk female with a phone dead who needed a taxi, an old man confused about an address he couldn’t find (I googled it for him) and a vulnerable teen who wanted us to phone the police.

It's most likely been someone from the local authority out checking on people who they think may be vulnerable.

It's so weird that you wouldn't answer the door or even just ask who is it through the door.

It’s hard to tell from a post on the internet whether someone’s intuition has flagged up something that they haven’t quite managed to communicate, or whether they are vulnerable and reacting anxiously to a non-threatening situation.

If the former, intuition will quite often flag up when something is wrong, even if we can’t pin down what it was. We shouldn’t be too quick to dismiss feelings of ‘wrongness’

If the latter, then I would say that it is perfectly understandable that a woman in poor health living alone in an isolated house in lockdown during a global pandemic might be feeling more vulnerable than usual. I would avoid telling people to eff off, but a polite note on the door might be a good idea. Also, if you are ever unsure about opening the door in a similar situation, I think this might be an acceptable use of the police non-emergency number. If nothing else, they can rule out someone lying injured somewhere.

What if she needed help? Why not at least ask what she wants?

It’s probably local community groups offering to get your shopping.

Head them off at the pass with a notice in the gate. Perhaps something along the lines of:

“Deliveries only past this point due to Covid-19.

Please do not enter if not delivering mail/parcels.

We are fine for food, medicine etc thank you.

Stay safe. Stay at home. Protect the NHS

Please keep the gate closed. Guard dogs”

That way it looks like there is a family staying there (reference to “we” not “I”) and guard dogs (pet dogs don’t sound so scary). You’ve told visitors what they need to know politely and look to be supporting the community with the nhs message. No need for anyone to come any further into your property.

OP, if this was a welfare check, then there is a high chance that this woman will return. Think about it from her point of view - chronically ill person not answering door despite being in, as indicated by the presence of dogs. What do you think that looks like to her? If she calls again, I suggest talking to her else your next visitor might be a police check.