Teacher calling every week AIBU?

[TheGoldenNugget]

Just got an email from the school saying from next week they will call me every week to speak to me and my DS. I have a DS in year 2 and DD in nursery, the nursery called me last week to ask how we're doing (didn't even know they were calling) we spoke for a bit, they didn't ask to speak to DD and that was it.

Now I don't mind getting a phone call once to chat, but every week? Really? AIBU? Goodness knows how long this will continue, and they want to call every week!

My reception age child has had a couple of calls on FaceTime and he’s loved it. He shows his teacher some drawings and his writing and things and tells her what he’s been up to. The last call he showed her he could jump off the high bit of the sofa, she was suitably enthusiastic and he was delighted. I think it’s lovely and I do think she cares about him, although I guess she may have duped me!

Genuine question. If this also is a part of safeguarding, which I completely understand..why is there no contact during school holidays?

Some kids do have contact with people during the school holidays

My dd has been completely overwhelmed with trying to complete school work, she suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. She's on the waiting list for camhs. Her lovely teacher is really wanting to phone, give some reassurance and put dds mind at rest but our LA are not allowing teachers to do this.

I think it's nice for my DC. Teachers at their school doing a nice job, no complaints.

I think it's a good thing they're doing this IMO, bearing in mind that there will be vulnerable children, who do need to have contact during this period.

We've had calls from the school, but I confess that at the start I felt like it was a 'tick box' exercise rather than genuinely trying to do anything. Our DD1 (11) will be starting high school in September and she seriously benefits from a proper routine, as she has adoption related attachment issues and SEN.

When we got in touch with her class teacher, we found that he was available and he's now doing FaceTime with her every school day.

Personally, I'd be more worried if schools didn't contact parents during this enforced lockdown.

My children's teachers are very nice but I don't for one minute believe they truly care about my children. They care about their jobs and they care about their own children. They are ticking a box. As soon as my children move to the next year, the teachers concentrate on their present class.
It's a different type of caring. I would say I do genuinely care about my students, but it's a professional care that comes with certain boundaries. If I didn't care then there's no way I would do the job. I still think of students when they are no longer in my class and occasionally hear from some when they're grown up in their 20s. There are certain classes and students I think of with a genuine fondness.

However, I've worked with staff who take too much of their professional care into personal headspace. In secondary this is especially true of a certain type of younger teacher who can get over-invested in a way that isn't healthy (eg. Ends up taking pupil behaviour personally, blurring friends Vs friendly, talking about not applying for a job that interests them because they think they're letting individual students down). I've also worked with teachers who don't get involved in building strong professional relationships, which I think is a shame.

Most so care though.

I had my first phone call last week. They asked if I needed any help with the school work set then spoke to my daughter.

My other daughter hasn't received a phone call yet though.

I assumed it was pretty much just a welfare check.

@Borgl

That is the problem with one size fits all approaches to communication.
You are missing the point that what is not 'intrusive' levels of change in communication to some ARE for others, especially parents with PROTECTED CHARACTERISTICS.
Parents who have MH issues or Autism have protected characteristics and are ALLOWED by LAW to have REASONABLE ADJUSTMENTS made regarding the way they communicate or choose not to communicate with any external body.
By pushing your rhetoric and determination to press forward with safeguarding issues on children who have parents that have problems with changes to established lines of communication or need a level of separation in their communication you are effectively discriminating and suggesting children are at risk due to 'difference'.
This is patently not the case, if people are happier and more able to relax via dealing with e mail communication and the type of communication that worked PRIOR to Covid.
It's not as if perfectly happy and well raised children have become more 'at risk' because their autistic or anxious parents and Moms are not comfy doing daily school phone calls.
Frankly I think you are a terrifying example of why 'neuro typical' thinking ought never be allowed to dictate safe guarding policy unchecked.

My dd is in school but I still get calls from the LA (to check she is getting provision) her tutor (that the LA pay for) and CAMHS. I appreciate that people are interested in her welfare tbh and whilst we don't need any support it's nice to know it's there should things change. It's only a few minutes out of the week after all.

Just say that the phone calls aren’t working for you. I’ve had to call my pupils too weekly, as it’s school policy. A few have said they’d prefer not to receive them I just say ‘no problem, I’ll drop you an email next week but if you need me please contact me on xxxx’

I wouldn’t like and say you have anxiety or mental health issues regarding the phone calls if you haven’t, honestly most schools are just trying to get the right balance between doing enough and making sure parents aren’t bombarded. No teacher will be offended if you say it isn’t working for you as a family.

Wouldn’t lie and say**

We've been asked to make contact weekly, preferably by phone but email is also acceptable. It's just to check everyone is ok and that the work we are setting is appropriate (SEN School). We did this through Easter, too.

We have had a very high number of deaths within pupils' families and a lot of our families have had the virus. We're also in a deprived borough and have lots of cp issues. Some serious issues have been identified already and some children have been put on CP plans since we've been closed.

If you don't enjoy the phone calls you could request email contact instead?

@mayawaya

As I said before, the reason for it is to protect the child.

You may disagree but that would be the process where I work.

If a parent or guardian said that welfare contact was triggering or causing them distress/MH issues I would immediately be concerned for the children and the mental state of the parent.

It would be investigated by safeguarding and appropriate referrals made if necessary. It's possible that following investigation that email contact is deemed acceptable.

The well-being of the child comes first every time.

@tunnocks34 Good advice and well put. But for some people with over reaching educators who will not accept a thanks but no thanks and who have educators like @Borg who start to become 'pushy' about the issue and tout safeguarding issues about, people do need to be informed about the best way to say no and if that requires leaning into their anxiety and MH issues, then they need to be informed on their rights. By the way I celebrate your approach and think it is correct and that it dignifies parenting and teaching.

That’s nice of them. I can’t see what the problem is with a few minutes’ call once a week. Presumably you had a lot more talk after school/nursery days when school was fully running.?

@borgl

I'm sure

THE CHILD

would be doing back flips over you putting them first to the detriment of their anxious, autistic or adhd parents who do amazing parenting but cannot cope with sudden and intrusive changes to communication from external bodies who have the power to trigger safe guarding issues with SS when 'thwarted' in their sense of 'what OUGHT to be acceptable' but isn't to some.

DS’s school does this - don’t know if it’s all years, or just younger ones. I personally wouldn’t have expected/wanted a weekly call (I hate speaking on the phone as it is) but I appreciate the staff are actively keeping in touch with families, and I’m sure there are a few parents who this makes a huge difference to.
And when it is DS’s actual teacher (staff take turns each week) he gets to have a little chat with her, which I know he really loves.
It’s barely 5’ per week (if you have nothing to talk with them about), can’t really make a deal out of it 🤷🏽‍♀️

I work in a LA Children and Families Team we are the people who need this help from teachers.
Usually there are many interactions for children where someone would be specifically looking out for their welfare such as teachers, GP’s, dentists, HV’s, Home Start volunteers etc. Other interactions where their welfare might be noted such as after school clubs, children’s groups, friends and neighbours.
Any of these people could and will report concerns to SW in normal times.
How many of these interactions are happening now, not many!
Random people cannot phone up families and chat with the children about how things are going, teachers can. The children in the main will know and like their teacher so they will feel okay about talking to them.
Teachers will call the whole class rather than singling out families, some families who normally cope well will be struggling at the moment, some families who normally struggle may be doing well at the moment who do you think should choose who teachers call? You?
We have had a number of concerns raised with us by teachers and although during this time we can only do home visits for the most serious CP cases we will phone or can alert other agencies in other words do our best to support these children.
Really is a 5 minute phone call once a week for everyone too much to bare if it helps to protect vulnerable children?

@Borgl

I suggest you need to do a course on understanding Autism and autistic families and parents and children.

Your lack of awareness regarding sudden changes in communication and that being a safeguarding issue is frankly terrifying.

Thousands of autistic families would find daily phonecalls out of nowhere along with a massive change in routine extremely hard to navigate.

The answer is not aggressive safeguarding, the answer is alternative and gentle methods of connection that recognise and take up the 'reasonable adjustments' that all people with a disability are entitled to have.

I'm done with you and I hope you get some further training re when it is appropriate to hit 'safeguarding' when dealing with families who have MH or autism and YOU have changed communication in an intrusive and sudden way.

THEY are not the problem in this if they have knocked along perfectly prior to this change. YOU are.

Safeguarding is a teacher’s main job - above all else. I’ve been sending our Reception and Y2 teachers pics of my kids on the designated app to make their lives a bit easier. I’m a teacher myself and get quite stressed when I have children unaccounted for.

Following what @Iwannatellyouastory said, we have seen a HUGE decrease in referrals into the multi agency safeguarding hub. People who usually see these children and report concerns are not seeing them.

Our children are at an increased risk at the moment and it's bloody terrifying.

To a PP who asked why these calls aren't made during school holidays. COVID-19 is the reason we need these additional services now. Some of these homes and tower blocks are like pressure cookers, large families all stuck in one small place, lack of money, lack of food, lack of a garden. Increase in poor mental health, anxiety, depression, DV, parents struggling to manage challenging behaviour. Nobody is getting out, parents aren't getting a break, people don't have money.

The difference is, this isn't the school holidays, this is a global pandemic.

Tell them you have anxiety and that the calls are a triggering issue for your mental health and wellbeing and you would like them to stop for those reasons. Suggest e mail as an alternative, you are showing willing to communicate and then they can tick a box.
The calls will stop. If you stop them with a reasonable reason for them to stop.
Everyone is different, not everyone appreciates the intrusion of daily calls from outsiders in their safe space and your home IS your safe space when you have anxiety and yes you have a right to call it that without ANYONE demanding access or running you down for that.

1. Alternstively, don’t lie - just take the fucking call

2). It’s a WEEKLY call not a daily klaxon

But @mayawaya what if the child would like to speak to the teacher, would that be a no in your scenario.

You are right a child isn't suddenly going to become vulnerable because their parent has autism, however, many more children are becoming vulnerable in this period, and unfortunately at the moment the burden of identifying these children is pretty much falling on to schools.

I would have thought you can pick much more up from a phone call with a family than you could in an email, although either method isn't foolproof and certainly not as good as seeing the actual child.

The SLTs in our local Primary schools are also doing weekly welfare visits to some families, some of these will be part of delivering food hampers and others are because these families have been identified as ones needing these sort of checks. Obviously, they don't go in the house but will have a chat from a safe distance and hopefully see the children too.

@mayawaya

I am just telling you what my organisation would do.

It's fine for you to disagree but it won't change anything.

It's great that you are so passionate about this but it's also good to understand that others perspectives are important too.