Somebody at the naturist club accidentally sat on my toast after I'd just spread it with margarine - and now it's covered in tiny fluffy little bristles.
I can't believe it's not butt hair.
A top-flight athlete was forced to retire after losing a leg in an accident, so he decided to start his own premium micro-brewery instead.
He uses only the very finest barley and hops.
It's astonishing just how much I look like my Mum.
It's as though we were separated at birth.
I just downloaded the Titanic soundtrack to my laptop and then I successfully transferred it via the Cloud on to my phone and tablet.
And to think they always claimed it was unsyncable....
It is with a very heavy heart that I have to inform you that I have far too much iron in my haemoglobin.
The Fine Art Society has been really struggling for funds in the current circumstances, so they've held an emergency virtual meeting and decided to fine Art Garfunkel £10,000 and Art Malik £15,000.
When I was very young, my Dad always used to wake me with a smile at dawn and say "It's YOUR time to shine!"
He did that every single day - right up until the point Social Services banned him from making a 4yo do 14-hour shifts on the family shoe-shine stall.
Contrary to the popular myth, Frank Sinatra never actually owned a single flamingo or stork at all.
Egrets? He had a few.
I've just finished reading a fantastic novel that was written as a joint project by Elaine Paige and Tina Turner.
The best way I can think of describing it is as 'extremely compelling'.
I always used to love listening to Belinda Carlisle singing "We dream the same dreams, we want the same things."
It's starting to wear off rapidly, now that she's constantly outbidding me on eBay.