Chat up lines. What are the best and worst you've had said to you or used yourself?

[SistemaAddict]

Lighthearted thread inspired by another one on sleazy male behaviour. It got me thinking about my experiences of OLD a few years ago and face to face chat ups in my much younger days. I am not good at knowing if someone is flirting with me/chatting me up (ASD) and have been oblivious before much to the amusement of friends I was with at the time. I'm either suspicious that someone might be flirting or clueless that they are. Needless to say I'm single

I've had a shit week so far and am hoping this thread will provide some humour to everyone else who could do with a laugh too.

I'm trying to think of ones I've used or heard but struggling due to aforementioned cluelessness.

At a club, at the cloakroom getting my jacket at the end of a night, music is still playing (it takes two baby).
Him:
Me: sorry?
Him:
Me: I cant understand what youre saying.
Him: it takes two baby so how about it?
Me: ok that was quite good. Try it on another girl, and this time enunciate clearly!
Him: Thanks!
And off he went with a big smile, looking very pleased with himself.

I wonder if it worked for him.

I wish I were your socks so I could be with you every step of the way
I'm also ASD (aspergers) but this was such an obvious and terrible line even I realised he was trying to chat me up! I do wonder if it ever ended up working for him though..

I was once asked if I was a model. I'm 5"4....

I was once in a bar with my friends and we were chatting to a group of blokes (we were all early 20s) and one of them was telling me he was a teacher. He then proceeded to tell me “yeah, I’d like to teach you a thing or two”.

Worst ever to me "what size is your petrol tank?" from another customer at a filling station.

Went to a classmate’s house after a group night out (the whole group went to the house not just me) and while there asked for the WiFi password (I know! Very antisocial but others had asked too) and he called out U-P-S-T-A-I-R-S-? And without even realising I entered it in my phone and then said “it didn’t work” reader: I dated him for 4 months after that!

The worst one I've heard but it wasn't directed at me was, "I hope you've brought a crash helmet, because you're going through the headboard." This from a man I was madly in love with at one time telling me of his younger days. Awful.

ooh that’s bad!

I’m not sure this qualifies.., a guy in a club said to me “where are you going with tits like that”.
To which “ I said to burn down your house”
He ran away

Are you Jamaican? Because Ja Makin Me Crazy . He tried the same line on my friend about 30 mins later!

I was at a drum and bass rave in the early 00’s and some guy came up to me and told me he liked my sweat patches

a guy ran up to me on the street 'there's a problem with my phone, luv! .... your number's not in it!'

I bet you were bloody stunning when you were younger

When I was in my early 20's a guy from Uni started showing up wherever I was. When he eventually spoke to me he said "Your hair smells nice, it smells like my Mum". I ran for the hills!!

My favourite was from someone I'd been on a few dates with but was messing him around a bit. He was trying to persuade me to keep seeing him. I remember getting in to a conversation by text about my "ideal" man. I remember asking him how he knew what my ideal man was like.
He responded with "I am, you just don't know it yet".
Reader, I married him. OK, not married but we've been together 15 years this year.

My first boyfriend at 16 which I ended up being with for 4 years and he was my first love used the line " I saw you in my dream last night, it must be de ja vu" 😂

Two guys came up to me and my friend at a club. One said to me 'My mate really wants your friend to dance with him and I didn't want to leave you on your own so do you want to dance with me?.
I said ok as I didn't want to be rude, but it was a slow dance and he seemed quite keen on me so I was a bit surprised.
Aferwards I found out the other guy had said exactly the same to my friend.

Many moons ago, in a nightclub with colleagues. A boy who looked about 12 came over and said "Hello, darling. You've got a face I'd like to sit on." To which I replied "And you've got a face that looks like it's been sat on too often."
He was so crestfallen that I felt guilty and apologised!

At a pub, a young guy said to me, 'I wouldn't chuck you out of bed for the first half hour'.

In a nightclub, a bloke wanting to take me back to his place, 'You might as well'.

You’re quite sexy for a fat girl.

About 20 years ago, at a protest camp. Sat up late chatting with a bloke. He suggested we sleep together, I decline saying I had just been through a bad breakup. His reply?
‘My penis is a healing stick’
A double no from me after that!
Retelling this a few years later, my flat mate went very quiet- turns out she knew him, he had used the same line on her but she went for it and slept with him!
He was well known on the protest/dance party circuit as a right sleaze.

One of friends is very very pretty, was at a bar with her once and a really you g guy came up to her and having got her attention just choked on his chat up line. He looked about 12 and just stood there unable to speak while my mate looked at him expectantly. He then dropped his glass on her foot where it broke and cut her! He bailed after that the poor love.

‘My penis is a healing stick

I'll bet it was a placebo.

You can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T

@donquixotedelamancha I bet it was tiny