Chat up lines. What are the best and worst you've had said to you or used yourself?

[SistemaAddict]

Lighthearted thread inspired by another one on sleazy male behaviour. It got me thinking about my experiences of OLD a few years ago and face to face chat ups in my much younger days. I am not good at knowing if someone is flirting with me/chatting me up (ASD) and have been oblivious before much to the amusement of friends I was with at the time. I'm either suspicious that someone might be flirting or clueless that they are. Needless to say I'm single

I've had a shit week so far and am hoping this thread will provide some humour to everyone else who could do with a laugh too.

I'm trying to think of ones I've used or heard but struggling due to aforementioned cluelessness.

Someone also once asked me if they could “feed my pony”. There was an accompanying gesture. It really tickled me

Him: ‘do you have any Geordie in you?’
Me: ‘No’
Him: ‘Would you like some?’

Bearing in mind I was 16/17 at the time and he was in his 40s!

I was once getting the train and the platform was full of drunken football fans after a game. One kept looking my way and then sidled over and started his wooing with 'I'd offer you a chip but I haven't got any left...'. He was on both my trains with me 😅

If you were a car door I'd bang you all night.
Strangely enough it didnt work.

You’re so fit you could be a porn star........... Wow! He was surprised when I was unimpressed..........

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!😐. We now have a 2 year old together!😂

‘I want to chuck my muck all over you’

"you look like you'd make the mother of a good rugby player"
he was South African and I am 6ft tall
wasnt sure if it was a compliment or not

I was once in a bar with my friends and we were chatting to a group of blokes (we were all early 20s) and one of them was telling me he was a teacher. He then proceeded to tell me “yeah, I’d like to teach you a thing or two”.

DH tried a similar line when we were dating. We were colleagues - both teachers. Nothing like office talk to get you in the mood

When I lived in France, a classmate asked me if I wanted to help him with a science experiment... he'd slept with an American girl and needed to sleep with an English girl to see which accent was sexier in bed.

And just remembered - I got a "did you fall from heaven?" in a club once. I thought it was almost original in its unoriginality!

At a party when I was at university. Guy sticks his hand up the back of my admittedly short dress and squeezes the cheek of my bum , “nice arse fancy a shag ?”. All I could reply with was , “ no thank you and can I please have my arse back”. He laughed , gave a low bow and quoted Shakespeare. He was quite good looking but there are ways to introduce yourself. And grabbing my bottom wasn’t one.

I had the infamous cheesy one, but with an embellishment.

We were on a girl's weekend, in a packed bar in Newcastle. My jacket was over one of the empty chairs at our table. A local bloke comes over and pulls the chair out slightly, like he is about to ask if he can take it.

Bloke: Sorry, is this your jacket?
Me: Oh, yes.
Bloke: Best get it then, you've pulled love.

My face must have relayed my response before I could do so verbally.

Pride seemingly bruised, before I could reply, he got arsey and loudly accused me of being "a stuck up cockney" for not falling at his feet I assume?

I told him I wasn't cockney. Yet he angrily insisted I was, as he "could tell I was, from my accent".

"Nah!" I told him. "I'm from Milton Keynes. I'm 56 miles away from the Bow Bells. So, I'm as cockney as you are Scottish, now piss off!"

@PrimeroseHillAnnie that's grim. A swift knee to the gonads is the best response to twats like that.

Used by me, and, amazingly, it worked -

"Oh, look, we've got the same keyring."

I was at uni in a bar on st paddys day (looong time ago) and spotted a bloke I had had a few drunken snogs and one night of almost-shagging with in my first year halls (so 2 years before). He was v hot, in that cheeky, cocky way and we always had a bit of a vibe (even when I had been seeing his mate).

Anyway, he was smiling at me and gestured me over with his finger. I walked over and he said in my ear "I knew if I did this long enough you'd come." He was still moving his finger...

Had his friend not heard every word, so I had to feign shock ( when actually I found it pretty hot), it probably would have worked too.

Years ago, all dressed as Santas at a Christmas themed pub crawl, my friend drunkenly asked a cute bloke if he was on her naughty or nice list?

He said, "Actually, I think you'll find I'm on your To Do list".

It was such a quick retort I was massively impressed for some reason.

We were about 15 at the time to be fair but a guy asked me in all seriousness if I'd like to come upstairs and see his dartboard

“You don’t sweat much for a fat bird”

It’s very old, but it makes me laugh every time I hear it!!
Possibly a comedian said it first..??

I was sat on one of those tall bar stills waiting for my friend and a guy came over, winked uncomfortably and pointed at the empty seat next to me and said
“Is this seat free?” at which point I jumped up enthusiastically and said “Yes, this one is too” and walked off.

Best chat up line used on me
Him: “You look a lot like my first wife”
Me: “How times have you been married?”
Him: “None”

I’m ashamed to say it worked and we estee for 4 years 😂😂😂

we dated*

tall bar stools*

Jesus my autocorrect is being a complete twat

2 dreadful failed atempts to chat me up spring to mind.

Once in France “Madam, may l compliment you on your bosom?”

The other in a wine bar in the UK “Have l seen you before, l was it in my dreams?

I was 19 and on a night out clubbing with friends when a guy came over to me and said:

"I think you're bloody gorgeous - can I buy you a drink?"

I thanked him, but declined. He followed up with:

"Oh go on, I really do fancy you - I'm honestly really into fat girls..."

A few years later, on holiday in The Gambia I visited a local market and was approached by one of the female stall holders, who walked up to me, grabbed my arse, gave it a good 'shake' followed by a hearty slap and announced:

"I'm gonna bring you home to my brother, he gonna want to marry you - he never seen English lady with a Gambian boom-boom!"

I've attracted some right charmers over the years!

In a heavy Polish accent to the general people at a party we were at: "We order pizza!"

As an aside to me: "You no pay sexy!"

Me:

At university in the late 80s/early 90s Him:"here's 10p" tries to give me 10p
Me: a bit tipsy and very bemused "What's this for?"
Him: ""To ring your mum and tell her you're not coming home tonight!"
The fact that he had to shout it as the music was very loud made it hilarious, and I do like someone who makes me laugh, so I didn't go home that night. Didn't need the 10p though