Chat up lines. What are the best and worst you've had said to you or used yourself?

[SistemaAddict]

Lighthearted thread inspired by another one on sleazy male behaviour. It got me thinking about my experiences of OLD a few years ago and face to face chat ups in my much younger days. I am not good at knowing if someone is flirting with me/chatting me up (ASD) and have been oblivious before much to the amusement of friends I was with at the time. I'm either suspicious that someone might be flirting or clueless that they are. Needless to say I'm single

I've had a shit week so far and am hoping this thread will provide some humour to everyone else who could do with a laugh too.

I'm trying to think of ones I've used or heard but struggling due to aforementioned cluelessness.

These are making me laugh. The healing stick penis is just

'Brace yourself love....I'm coming in dry'

@CaptainButtock oh but that made me laugh

" Do you want to come up a party ? "
" Where "
" In me pants "

On the way to a guys bedroom , he opened the door and said " Welcome to the PleasureDome ".

"I want to wear your thighs as earmuffs"...!

You've got spanner eyes. One look from you and my nuts tighten.

'put your hand on this and tell me you are not coming home with me'
I didnt and I didnt!

I once actually got "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

I was in Asda. Buying frozen sweetcorn.

Apparently he thought I was someone else, with whom that line was a long standing joke. He was very apologetic.

Oh and Ive just remembered the man on the street in India who asked me to be his guru

Christ, where do they get these from?? And do they really expect them to work?!

Honsandrebels
Wasn't Mark stone was it?

In a nightclub a good 15 years ago.

Him: Excuse me, do you have a raisin?
Me: (looking confused) a what?
Him: a raisin
Me: As in a dried up grape?
Him: that's the one!
Me: (still confused) No!
Him: Oh OK, how about a date?

I laughed and walked off. I did chuckle for a long time after as it was so random.

Thanks for the laughs, needed that today.

I once had "I saw your arse walk by and had to come and say hello."

Me: “shall we dance?” him: “I think about 2 hours now?” We did actually dance, and then briefly date, but tbh I shouldn’t have persevered - we were both bloody awful dancers and even worse daters

"You look like my sister!"

A guy once came up to me in the pub Nd asked if he could whisper something important to me. Being drunk, I agreed. The words he whispered were “come with me I’m going to bang your back doors in”

In a night club... 'how much does a penguin weigh? Just enough to break the ice!'

I appreciated the originality!

I was about 15 and sitting outside on a bench with my cousins in Italy.
The young (18ish?) guy driving the market milk/cheese van slows down and opens his window and asks me in a 'suave' voice
"How would you like free yoghurt for life?"

Still makes me laugh whenever I remember.

A guy came up to a friend and I randomly in a bar and announced he was “an underwater fireman” we didn’t hear him say underwater so only heard fireman. We were at the randomness of that so he assumed we were thick and proceeded to tell us really aggressively why his “joke” was funny. He ended up getting kicked out by the bouncers. Nothing is a bigger turn on than telling women why you’re funny 🙄

Oh also a week before my due date a bloke shouting “allo Muvva fancy another?!” At me. Yuck.

I don’t do chat up lines I just tell someone when I fancy them which has worked very well in my favour so far.

My face is leaving shortly....make sure you're on it.

Said to me, wearing a leopard print dress in a nightclub:

“How many leopards did you kill to make that dress?” - it was actually hilarious as a silly joke and he was extremely cool.

I (cringing writing this) once told someone they looked like Gaston from beauty and they beast. Which they did. And it worked 😂

@SlurplePurple nooooo

@Buster72 no but sigh at the knowledge there is clearly a type.

"Get your cunt out."

I didn't.

In a bar with 2 female friends, sweltering hot summer, so we were not only drunk, but rather sweaty. Guy approaches each of us separately and asks in a smarmy tone: "besides being beautiful, what do you do for a living?"
Friends both gave some exasperated answer and dismissed him. When he got to me, I answered "Drink! Buy me one!"
Reader, he did! 😂😂 And, I did not hook up with him, I might add...