totally trivial was I being unreasonable wedding thread

[julybaby32]

A few years ago I was doing the reading at wedding. I live about 250 miles from the wedding venue. Wedding was Friday. Had to ask for the day off for the Friday - we can't ordinarily ask for time off when we like but was allowed this as special occasion and for doing the reading. I'd gone to some trouble to buy a suit that suited the colour scheme, but didn't look like a bridesmaid's outfit, bought make up and had a lesson near where I live about how to put it on, did my hair in the way the bride wished etc. drove up after work on Thursday (kind boss gave me the some of the afternoon off so I just made it in time for the rehearsal in the church at 8pm)
Elderly relative of mine, and friend of the bride, came up to me after the ceremony and before the reception and said "I would have thought you would have had your makeup done professionally this morning as I did."
Was I really being unreasonable not to have my makeup done professionally? Is this a given that everyone else but me knows about?
(This is just from curiosity and to entertain others with the trivial. Too late to do anything about it now.)
My hat had quite a wide brim, if that is relevant and I'm rather plain.

Another scouser here and this would be the norm at the weddings I've gone to. But it would have been put round that a MUA was available, so you wouldn't have been out of the loop. For people who don't wear makeup up everyday it can work out cheaper and use less time than going for a lesson etc.

It shouldn't be commented on, though. My reply would have been 'I would have thought that you would have developed manners by now'. There's always one person who has to pull someone down.

Did the elderly relative possibly have dementia?

Nah, probably just rude.

I've never had my make-up done professionally, not even for my own wedding. Yanbu

She hasn't developed the slightest sign of dementia in the intervening years, so I guess it wasn't then either.

I understand, current circumstances give us all more time to think about things.

I’ve conducted over a thousand weddings in my time, and the nicest ones, the most moving ones were not the ones where things like this mattered.

Ignore her unkind comment, it says far more about her than it does about you. You sound like an absolutely terrific friend, the sort everyone needs on their wedding day. There was a reason your friend asked you to do the reading that day. 😊

Some people are unbelievable. No, YWNBU not to have professional make up! I was slightly boggling at 'did my hair the bride wanted', tbh. You're a guest at the wedding: you wear what you want, do your hair how you like, wear make up or not as you choose.

Wow.

YANBU and she was rude.

But why all the info about your employer giving you the day off? Is it because you didn't have much time to do your own makeup?

Yes. It really would have been ridiculous to ask to drive to the area the whole day before to organise something about make-up - at least I presume make-up artists like to seen what they are meant to work with? I don't know. I'm guessing that it's like having work done on the house - the professionals want to see what they're getting themselves into?

I’m guessing because it was hard for the OP to get the time off and was just one of a lot of things she’d done to make an effort for her friend. I think she’s just trying to judge if she’s done anything wrong?

Haffdonga because the OP went to a great deal of trouble to participate in a wedding, at which an elderly relative accused her of not making enough effort with her appearance.

OP you did nothing wrong, including being very civilised when a someone behaved so rudely towards you. I can only imagine the relative has a number of personal issues and that she chose to inflict her rage on those around her.

Wow!! That is so rude!!! And I also think it's weird that the bride asked you to have your hair a certain way! Someone was being very unreasonable and it wasn't you!

That is so rude! Apparently Kate Middleton did her own makeup for her wedding so if it’s alright for the future queen ...

Oh the bride wasn't being mean at all. I just asked her if there was anything she especially did or didn't want me to wear. I was really expecting don't wear X because my mother is. And she made the request in a lovely "it's up to you but you always look nice with it like that" way, which is actually a very kind confidence boost.

Out of interest, what did you reply?

The Duchess of flipping Cambridge did her own make up on her wedding day, for goodness sake! YANBU.

I didn't really reply and someone else came up and started talking to us soon after.

The person who sad this to you was out of order
Giving a reading at a wedding is a special thing to be asked to do ,says how much the bride thinks of you, and has nothing to do with your looks.

And I am someone who regularly gets my make up dne,mainly for work presentations

God no, what an utter dick.
Why do people feel the need to behave like this?

I didnt have my make up professionally done on my own wedding day. Your relative is daft.

She was very rude. I would tell the bride, even at this late date.
And don't bother doing anything nice for this elderly relative. What a nasty woman she is.

And you sound lovely OP - I loved what you said about the little table guest telling you all about dinosaurs.

What would telling the bride achieve, overunder?

@OverUnderSidewaysDown

Why on earth would you tell the bride about something that one of your relatives said to you a few years ago?

@OverUnderSidewaysDown

* She was very rude. I would tell the bride, even at this late date.*

WTAF

I think the bride would provide some emotional support.