Introverts and extroverts

[ThisHereMamaBear]

Do you think you are born one way or another? I'm definitely an introvert. I'm less shy than I used to be but I still find it hard socialising. My dh is the same. We had a zoom chat today for our ds's class, reception age. It seemed like most of the children were excitable and chatty but my ds just wanted to hide behind me. Do you think I can do anything to encourage him to be more confident? Or are we the way we are?

I'm a massive introvert. However, I'm not particularly shy and I'm prone to occasional bouts of exhibitionism Introversion and shyness are two different things.

I'm an introvert and always was. My mum allowed me to be this way and spoke for me
As a child. With my first son I actively encouraged him to do everything for himself in terms of asking other people for things. When he was a bit older I would ask him to ask a shop assist were such and such was. He is quite confident now but I'm not sure if he is naturally that way anyway.

Assistant*

Sorry just realised I didn't answer the question. I think we are born one way but can be moulded to be more confident, a natural introvert is never going to be a wildly open extrovert but can be swayed into being a little more confident

I'm an introvert in one way. I'm more than happy in my own company (I've not been out since 27/3), but I'm by no means sh y. I was a trainer before I retired And was quite comfortable speaking to groups of up to 50+, who.were decidedly not receptive to my message.

DD is pretty much the same. A senior manager who takes no shit from anyone, but has to be very gently coaxed by her extrovert partner to go to a party.

DDs partner, on the other hand, is very quietly spoken, and has anxiety. But say "party!!" to her, and she's there.

I think there is a big difference between those who are happy in their own company (me) and those who have anxiety about speaking out in public, or asserting themselves

I can't decide if I'm a shy extrovert, or a people friendly introvert!

But I agree with a PP, I think you're born with your personality but I think confidence and self esteem can be encouraged and nurtured :)

I'm an introvert in one way. I'm more than happy in my own company but I'm by no means shy.

The same here. However, I used to be shy. I came out of my shell in my early/mid 20s and now whatever the opposite of shy is. Relatives and old friends still comment on the transformation.

It's a misconception that being shy is being introverted.

@phonelock how did you do it? Or was it just a natural progression?

I think most people are a mix of both depending on the specific context of the situation they’re in and who they’re with

I agree that being shy isn't directly related to being an introvert. I'm an introvert, my mum and teachers were always trying to increase my confidence when actually I am confident introvert. My elder dd seems to be an introvert to and I make sure she knows there is nothing wrong with this and dont try to force her to be more of an extrovert. In schools its constantly encouraged and from experience I think its wrong. I dont know if I think we are born the way we are and unable to change though. I'd definitely day early years has a big bearing on it

I’m an introvert, I find too much peopling exhausting so need alone time to recharge. I usually start the day chatty and extroverted but halfway through I’m usually wishing I could lock myself away. Not a problem at the moment obviously...

When I was a child I was classed as shy, I don’t think I was at all. Just preferred my own company after a few hours of group activities. But I was brought up in the country with no other children as neighbours & my parents rarely socialised so perhaps it was nurture over nature?

Or was it just a natural progression?

Sort of. I didn't try to do it. I lost weight and with it came a big boost in confidence that pushed the shyness away.

Just as well really as my current job requires me to stand on a stage and present to several hundreds of people.

I'm an extrovert but I'm too shy to tell anyone.

It's a misconception that being shy is being introverted.

I prefer slow-approach/fast-approach. And that is a remarkably consistent trait. From very close to birth, all the way through life.

I think we are born one way but can be moulded to be more confident, a natural introvert is never going to be a wildly open extrovert but can be swayed into being a little more confident

Being an introvert doesn't mean you lack confidence. And equally, being an extrovert doesn't mean you are confident. I did a course at work years ago and they explained the difference. An extrovert gains energy when engaging with other people whereas an introvert expends energy when with other people.

I'm a sociable introvert. I'm a university lecturer so have no problem standing up in front of people and talking. I am also very capable of engaging and socialising with others. However, I also need time on my own to recharge. My sister is the opposite. She needs time with others to recharge and would get quite deflated if she spent too much time on her own.

I would work on his confidence and enjoy the benefits of introversion. For example, I think I have been able to cope with the lockdown better because I am an introvert.

It’s a spectrum. It’s not one or the other, we can be a mix.

I think it's nurture rather than nature. If a child grows up in an extroverted household, constant parties, house full of people, they're going to be more forward and extrovert themselves. If a child grows up in a "quiet" household with introverted parents, few parties, few houseguests, maybe an only child or just one sibling, then they're going to be less forward, more shy and more likely to be introverted.

I was always introverted. But when I look at my parents and sister I think we all are (maybe not so much my mum) so maybe just the way we were brought up? I’ve definitely become more introverted as I’ve gotten older but I’m at a stage now where I need to actively oppose my natural instinct because I’ve become isolated as a result and my world is very very small.

I’m a shy extrovert, around people I know I’m very much an extrovert, around people I don’t know I’m fairly quiet.

Introversion and shyness aren't the same thing. You can help build a child's confidence in the hope of making her more confident in certain situations. But you can't make an introvert not introverted.

I'm a social introvert, I've never been shy, am confident in any social situation, very good at small talk or any kind of talk, really. But, I have a time limit on my sociability...and at some point, I just kind of shut down socially. Being sociable is exhausting (albeit enjoyable for a while) for me as an introvert and if I had to be around people all the time, I would suffer mentally. I couldn't do it. Lockdown suits me very well.

Extroverts are energised by socialising, introverts are drained by it.

Shyness and confidence are different things entirely and, in my opinion, can be changed somewhat. So I think you probably could help your DS become more confident...but he might just be an introvert...

I think it's nurture rather than nature. If a child grows up in an extroverted household, constant parties, house full of people, they're going to be more forward and extrovert themselves.

You's think so. It didn't work for me!

You'd

From what I have read there is a strong genetic component and people do tend towards extroversion or introversion from a young age.

What makes me feel sad is that we live in a society that lauds extroverts and makes introverts feel they have to change their innate nature to be acceptable.

But there are lots of different ways of being sociable and connecting to others. It sounds like the Zoom chat was overstimulating for your DS, while some of the other children were energised by the same experience. This doesn't mean your DS is anti-social. He just needs interactions that are somewhat calmer. I would try setting up a chat with one of the other quieter DC in the class and see if a one-to-one like that might be a more pleasurable experience for him.

There is no right or wrong way, there's just what feels comfortable for you!