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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me honestly. . .

124 replies

Nostrings457 · 28/04/2020 20:18

I have gained lots about 5 stone over the past 2 years. A combination of experiencing depression, medication causing increased appetite, lack of will power, being a greedy pig and having such low self esteem just not caring about the consequences.

I NEED to lose this weight but nothing is motivating me. I have young DCs.

Can anyone give me some home truths (dont hold back) on being over weight. The effects, the risks, anything to make me think twice about nit losing weight

OP posts:
Zogtastic · 28/04/2020 21:14

I second @ChoppingBlock’s advice. Doing it for negative reasons risks yo-yoing etc.

Find your love for yourself as best you can now and the rest will follow. Concentrate on getting fitter and stronger and healthier - be kind to yourself and your body. To misquote someone’s (I can’t remember who to give them credit!) quote...Don’t punish yourself anymore for past mistakes - use them as stepping stones to a positive future.
Also get in the habit of having a glass of water ever hour or every time you go into kitchen or have a water bottle next to you and keep sipping - I believe even the driest cracker is nearly all water... constantly drinking water throughout the day massively limits how much you naturally feel like eating. If you feel like you don’t like water much, just start with a little. Drinking water makes you want to drink more water so over time you’ll enjoy drinking it more. Take care - you are the person best placed to genuinely meet your needs...starting with kindness and work towards showing yourself the kind of self-love you would want your DC to naturally be able to do for themselves.

Freethefrogs · 28/04/2020 21:16

I went from 58 kg to 42 so I know xx

Not being rude but unless you're extremely short (and I mean extremely short) 58kg would only be very slightly overweight at best.

OP, I went from nearly 12st (I'm 5ft3) to 8st10 in just under a year. This was 4 years ago and I've stayed there ever since. I did not do any diet whatsoever - I hate diets, I hate the idea of there being "bad" food groups (please do not get me started on low carb high fat). I simply reduced my portion sizes and did not snack. That's it. I eat full fat dairy, I eat carbs, I eat pudding. Once you get the portion size thing in hand it is easy.

But the hard truth is there is nothing that anyone else can tell you that will make you do it. You have to be in the right frame of mind and really want to. I'd been trying to lose weight for 10 years!

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:16

Bloody hell I am fat/obese and 50 and some of these things do not apply to me at all. Not being able to wipe your own bottom! Of course I can. And I do not have painful knees or have any problems walking up lots of stairs.

ferntwist · 28/04/2020 21:17

You poor thing. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time and it’s not surprising you’ve put on weight. The single most important thing I’ve done to lose weight is give up sugar. I was an addict and now I don’t even miss it. It was hard at first but became second nature. I also gave up maple syrup, agave syrup, honey, anything that spikes your blood sugar and gives you cravings in the same way. Sugar makes me hungry. Without it my appetite is so much easier to manage.
I still have treats like dates now and again and I use zero calorie Truvia granules with Stevia for baking.
If you give up sugar you also cut out loads of prepared processed crap.
Good luck!

Freethefrogs · 28/04/2020 21:17

I also don't think - personally - you should be drinking loads of water to stop yourself feeling hungry. If you're eating correct portion sizes eventually you will get used to it.

Also - hunger isn't a bad thing. We've been trained that we need to feel full all the time and that if we feel a little bit hungry we need to eat straight away. Medical conditions aside, it won't do any harm for most of us to go 4-5 hours between meals.

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:19

Yes feeling hungry should be normal.
I get really strong painful hunger pangs even when I don't want to eat but just want the hunger pangs to stop.

pennysays · 28/04/2020 21:20

I'd recommend the book 'conquering fat logic' which is full of home truths. It's a bit relentless but incredibly thorough on the science behind weight and the health impacts.

WhenItIsOver · 28/04/2020 21:21

Diabetes, heart disease, not being able to have surgery unless you lose weight first...

It is difficult but just make a start.

orangesandlemo · 28/04/2020 21:22

I am also about 5 stone over weight and a couple of years ago lost the weight. ( since put it all back on but that's another story)

To be honest two things scared me I was not feeling well and after lots of tests they told me I had a fatty liver, and they kept asking how much I drank as they thought that was what caused it , but it was almost embarrassing that I don't drink and it was all the crap I ate.

Second thing that scared me was diabetics when my sister was diagnosed and I know that's what I'm heading for.

On a more vain note. I loved losing weight, I used to hate shopping for clothes size 18-20 and when I was 14 even some 12 clothes it was amazing to try stuff on normally not have to order it specially.

I have lots of photos of me and the children when I lost weight as I wasn't embarrassed

I felt so much more confident, and my sex life with my husband improved due to me being happier with myself.

Sounds terrible but I felt more respected when I was thinner, I used to work for a female director that was quite hard nosed who rarely gave compliments about our work ( finance) but i felt so please when she recognised my hard work in losing well and said how well I had done.

I've started again the diet - SlimmingWorld and it's so hard but I such pretty clothes I can't currently wear which is so sad I am determined to lose at lease 3 stone this year. I'm lucky my husband is so supportive but I love food and bread and cheese and chocolate and biscuits so it's soooooooooooo hard

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:24

@WhenItIsOver Someone has to be very obese to have to lose weight for surgery unless you are talking about hip or knee replacements. And in those cases people I know who were only half a stone overweight were told to lose weight.
OP really it is about long term health issues such as diabetes, cardiac issues and cancer.

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:25

@orangesandlemo I have lost weight before and getting treated better thinner angered me so much that I found it really hard emotionally to deal with.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 28/04/2020 21:27

I thought that everyone had to lose a bit before weightloss surgery to prove they are in a right mind and want to lose?
I know a woman who had it and did get back to obese quite quickly

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 28/04/2020 21:27

I mean she lost a LOT at first, bit put it all back.

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:28

Yes you did because you still have to watch what you eat.

MintyMabel · 28/04/2020 21:39

I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

Get rid of the weight before you have to.

TheStirrer · 28/04/2020 21:43

The boot you need up the bum is my diagnosis - gout, type 2 diabetes and a fatty liver....

This was me in January - now 3 stone lighter and walking 10k steps a day.... reduced my carbs to less than 100g a day and monitoring using my fitness pall. Reducing carbs and increasing fat slightly has meant I am not ravenous or having huge craving at the mo. Early days for me - I have been fat all my life and wish I could have done this earlier..

runningpink · 28/04/2020 21:44

Check out Team RH for fitness/weight loss Richie tells you exactly how it is with a lot of swearing thrown in. No gimmicks and
No food is off limits.

You can see results pics on the Facebook page. You can make that transformation as well. Good luck

randomer · 28/04/2020 21:47

I'm telling you honestly...throwing yourself at the mercy of buch of strangers won't help.

The depression is the key to this.

Forget numbers.don't even think about going to a " slimming club" Trust me, Jackie at weigh in, doesn't care.

Give yourself a week off worry.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 28/04/2020 21:49

@cantory it really wasn't about meGrin I am too afraid of surgery...

oakleaffy · 28/04/2020 21:50

Osteoarthritis in knees.

I have inherited OA, and the doc said I need a new knee....Even being one stone over ideal weight acts on an inflamed knee.. Because of how physics acts when we walk, the forces are vastly increased, so that stone over becomes like 5 stones bearing down on that joint.

I am a stone over ideal weight , and need to lose it.
Lockdown isn't helping! :)

Plus cancer risk, heart health, diabetes all add to it being good to lose the extra avoirdupois. Cake is my downfall.

WhenItIsOver · 28/04/2020 21:52

@cantory

People, including me, are answering the OP who said

Can anyone give me some home truths (dont hold back) on being over weight. The effects, the risks, anything to make me think twice about nit losing weight

Not losing weight could indeed be a problem if any surgery is needed in the future, in addition to the conditions I mentioned. Not being able to control intake now can lead to a lot more problems later. Home truths were requested and provided.

Good luck Nostrings.

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:52

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow Being wary of surgery is good, but sometimes it is needed.

RedSoloCup · 28/04/2020 21:52

I think you need to feel better about yourself not worse.

Take it one step at a time.

Exercise a tiny bit more each day (even 5 mins).

Eat a tiny bit healthier each day.

Try the couch to 5k app it will make you feel better.

Baby steps, don't beat yourself up, wanting to change is the first most important step.

I find motivation from trying to be a good role model to my three dd's.

Orphlids · 28/04/2020 21:54

I know this is terribly shallow, but I was so fed up of apparently being invisible when I was fat. So I lost the weight and suddenly men were looking at me again! It felt great. When I was fat, I’d constantly be wondering if my stomach was visibly bulging over the top of my trousers, could I bend down without my arse crack being exposed... that sort of self-consciousness is exhausting and depressing. That just disappeared once I lost weight. What a wonderful feeling! And the best part is, the actual task of losing weight so, so much easier than I thought it would be. For me, it was just that initial hurdle of beginning my new lifestyle. I dreaded starting it. Once I’d made that decision, it was all systems go. I was a minger when I was fat. Now I’m a right sort!

cantory · 28/04/2020 21:54

@WhenItIsOver But honestly is needed not myths. Being fat makes some surgery harder but it will still go ahead unless you are having a hip or knee replacement when you need to be at your ideal weight/
Losing weight can prevent or delay needing a hip or knee replacement in the first place.