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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about a status??

106 replies

Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 11:01

Hi all

Ok, maybe I'm overthinking it but hubby changed his WhatsApp photo to a picture of us as a couple - no kids as he didn't want a contact to see them. Fine, not bothered but I noticed the status 'remember the times of freedom' I haven't said anything to him but feel a bit hurt deep down?? I don't see my children as me not having freedom?? Am I overthinking this??

OP posts:
saraclara · 28/04/2020 13:45

He finds a spot at a family members house and will sit there for hours on a game.

That's what you should be focusing on. That's exceptionally rude behaviour. What do your family make of this?

Is there anything at all he does other than gaming? Around the house, with the kids, or anywhere else?

Original poster
Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 13:54

I've told him he's rude, boring and makes himself look like an arse by being on his game in other people's house, out for meals etc

Prompting is a good word! Changing a nappy without needing to be asked would be lovely!

I've realised my problem isn't the status it's the 'freedom' bit and the fact I think he would be happier without the responsibility of a family because of his gaming habits

I love other people's insights as it has made me genuinely realise it's not about WhatsApp and yes I WAS unreasonable and overreacting but some comments just seem poor harsh and not helpful in the slightest. I feel like a turkey at Bernard Matthews!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 13:55

Pure*

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 28/04/2020 13:56

The status thing I couldn't get worked up about tbh. I feel the same sometines and my dc are my life, so I'd take that with a pinch of salt. However the gaming for 8 hours plus whilst you're run ragged is the problem. Sounds like he's got his freedom. When you said he finds a spot in a families house so he can carry on playing games I laughed out loud. He sounds like your teenage son not you dh! You need to talk to him and tell to him he's an adult and needs to act like one, making food, cleaning etc. Why is it all down to you?! So strange some men think because they have a dick they don't need to do anything. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Floatyboat · 28/04/2020 13:58

I think you should allow him to have and express his own feelings. It is possible to both love your kids but also miss your previous freedom simultaneously.

Ninkanink · 28/04/2020 13:59

You didn’t say anything about disowning, but someone else on the thread did and that’s why people are referring to it.

I wouldn’t actually respect a man who acted like that enough to stay in a relationship with him, so in my view he’d either have to get himself together, grow up and stop acting like a single man, sort out his entitled, selfish attitude and step up, or that would be the end for us.

Original poster
Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 14:05

Tired mum when I'm with him at my parents I feel like he's my brother in the corner not my husband

I need to have a proper talk with him and make sure it does stay, like I said we have tried before to limit the gaming but it's getting out of control again so that's why I'm reading into things, like I'm simmering

OP posts:
daffodil1224 · 28/04/2020 14:10

I understand OP as my partner was the same. When we met I already had a 6 year old son and naturally I was the one who looked after him. When our two babies came it just seemed to continue that way with him playing games and doing f all. I told him I was leaving him (and I meant it) and he has totally changed. You need to be tough or he won't change.

Original poster
Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 14:19

Thanks daffodil, stupid question but how did you approach the I'm leaving you statement??

OP posts:
Kinneddar · 28/04/2020 14:25

Bet he's trying to look younger, with no kids.
Shallow bastard

Bit of a leap there 🙄
Considering it's his WhatsApp photo all his WhatsApp contacts will be people he knows who presumably will know how old he is.

Talk about an over reaction

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 28/04/2020 14:27

Surely he means pre lockdown?

midwestsummer · 28/04/2020 14:34

I don't think I know any parents who don't sometimes feel wistful about the freedom they used to have prior to dc.

But you are completely right to feel that spending all of your time gaming when you have dc to care for isn't on.

firstimemamma · 28/04/2020 14:42

I absolutely adore my son and everything I do is for him. I was one of those people who only ever wanted to be a mum (this used to drive my teachers mad whenever they asked me what I wanted to be) and I truly love and appreciate motherhood.

But my life before my son? Well as much as I adore him, my life before him was freedom. I was as free as a bee, more sleep, no over-whelming sense of responsibility, more time to do anything.

Admitting I had freedom before I became a mum isn't saying that I don't enjoy being a mum now - I really do love it. It's just a fact to me.

I wouldn't be offended by the status come to think of it it would take a lot for a status to offend me.

incognitomum · 28/04/2020 14:58

Wow I can't believe all that gaming and you doing everything. He's so selfish.

baysidediner · 28/04/2020 15:02

He means lockdown. Not kids.

Although the gaming is unreasonable

daffodil1224 · 28/04/2020 15:33

@johnskymberlina it was in one of many arguments about his behaviour I just came out with well I'm worth more than this so you need to leave and I'm SERIOUS! And stormed off. I remember him saying he couldn't afford to and me saying all you need is a room with a plug socket and you'll be in your element lol.

namechangetheworld · 28/04/2020 15:38

If it was a photo of the two of you on holiday, I would assume he was referring to lockdown.

The gaming issues though, I couldn't deal with. Like being married to an overgrown child.

zscaler · 28/04/2020 15:48

He sounds like a nightmare tbh. The WhatsApp status is clearly just the tip of the iceberg, with the context you have provided it’s obvious why it tipped you over the edge. I agree with a PP that you need to get serious about him changing.

LightenUpSummer · 28/04/2020 16:03

Selfish git, all round

Flowers
Original poster
Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 16:04

I've spoken briefly about it and he has said ok but we will have a proper talk tonight. I'm not sure if this is extreme but do you think I should take my wedding rings off and say I'm not putting them on until I'm happy that he's sticking to his word with the gaming??

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 16:06

It's my fault though as I let him get away with it as I know if I didn't get the bottles made they wouldn't as he would say 'I've just got a minute left on this game' but I've recently found out there is no time limit to it so that's bull. He's had it easy I suppose

OP posts:
daffodil1224 · 28/04/2020 16:09

Yeah I would, he needs to know you're serious. I'd say I'm waiting til the end of lockfownwhen I'll either put the on again if you actually help, or I'll never be wearing them again, your choice. And that's not harsh, it IS his choice. He has that choice, you don't. You have to parent them and do the housework alone etc because he simply has better things to do.

Ninkanink · 28/04/2020 16:09

No, don’t resort to cheap gimmicks like taking off your rings. He likely won’t give a shit whether you wear them or not.

It’s really very easy and straightforward - You have the talk, and he walks the walk from then on. Every day, no arguments about it.

daffodil1224 · 28/04/2020 16:10

If the bottles don't get made for one night and he is meant to do it you wake him up and say did you forget to bring w bottle up? If he says ohh sorry was tired I forgot make him do it there and then, if he doesn't he's a shit and I would literally just end it. Why is his sleep more important than hours

daffodil1224 · 28/04/2020 16:11

Ninkanink.. if he doesn't care whether she wears them or not that's quite telling so I don't think you can assume he will or won't care

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