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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about a status??

106 replies

Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 11:01

Hi all

Ok, maybe I'm overthinking it but hubby changed his WhatsApp photo to a picture of us as a couple - no kids as he didn't want a contact to see them. Fine, not bothered but I noticed the status 'remember the times of freedom' I haven't said anything to him but feel a bit hurt deep down?? I don't see my children as me not having freedom?? Am I overthinking this??

OP posts:

ErickBroch · 28/04/2020 11:54

I said your poor DP and I stand by it because I know how it feels to be attacked by a partner over something that they have created in their head. You have completely jumped to bizarre conclusions, everyone has told you YABU, but you don't accept it.

Drip feeding about your partner playing games for 10000 hours a day doesn't help. Tackle that issue obviously - but his status and picture is about lockdown.

Original poster

Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 11:56

Wow. Your poor DP.

OP posts:

TheShepherdsCrown · 28/04/2020 12:00

Definitely overthinking.

grumpyfuckerr · 28/04/2020 12:00

Well, I thought it’s quite a normal thing to miss, personally. Doesn’t everyone feel nostalgic at times about when they could bugger off on holiday without kids? I know I do.

It’s normal to miss something that you once enjoyed, and can no longer do. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids or wish you didn’t have them.

BrooHaHa · 28/04/2020 12:02

So, we're in the middle of lockdown. People are reminiscing about holidays because we can't go on them at the moment. He doesn't want to use a picture with kids in so he chooses an older photo of a holiday where presumably he also looks younger. You sound like you're just spoiling for a fight, OP. Why not search your own feelings about the relationship rather than just trying to nitpick and start an argument. You're clearly unhappy. Why?

FlamingoAndJohn · 28/04/2020 12:46

Could it be that he just chose this picture because it was a nice one that didn’t have the children in it

That said spending so much time all day gaming is a bit much. What are you doing while he’s doing that?

onanothertrain · 28/04/2020 12:57

Complete overreaction. I feel sorry for your DH sounds like he can't do anything right. I agree you sound like your spoiling for a fight.

Keeva2017 · 28/04/2020 13:03

I love my children as does my partner but we wistfully talk about the things we would do without them! And the things we did before them. Then when we are out on our own we stare at photos of them and text their grandparents 49 times over the course of the evening to check our babies are ok.

I think we are pretty normal!

The gaming addiction is a different matter.

Original poster

Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 13:03

I've apologised to him and said I was overreacting but I think his behaviour is driving me to think that he would be better off without us. The action speaks louder than words saying comes to mind. We've spoke briefly about the gaming but not a lot as we will both talk properly when the kids are in bed, we don't vent with them around. Whilst he's gaming I'm feeding the kids, making tea, washing, cleaning etc etc ten million things. Feel weird at the min but I suppose the whole world is weird!

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 28/04/2020 13:05

Id say that this is around the lock down and not the children.

Are you focusing on this because you don't want to tackle the real issues? That's common. He needs to engage more with family life. If he won't then it should be a deal breaker, because it's spilling over and soon it won't be any fun for anyone, children included, to be living in your house.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 28/04/2020 13:06

I think you're over thinking it. If he's constantly making wistful comments about his freedom then I might bristle but I think everyone occasionally looks at old photos from uni or child free holidays and breathes a sigh.

gamerchick · 28/04/2020 13:09

You're focusing on the wrong problem OP. He shouldn't be gaming as much as he is while leaving you to all the shit work. I'd come to the same conclusion that he would be better on his own in your shoes tbh.

ddl1 · 28/04/2020 13:10

I would assume that 'the times of freedom' simply means 'before lockdown and social distancing'.

Original poster

Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 13:10

Don't get me wrong I'm no angel. I like a certain game too but there is a time and place. When the kids are in bed, our free time. I don't carry headphones and a portable charger in my pocket. I don't sit on my game at my parents/grandparents etc. He finds a spot at a family members house and will sit there for hours on a game. Children being there doesn't matter. We've tried before on him cutting down etc but it's crept back up again and we need new ways to tackle it I think. I'll have to do some googling on it

OP posts:

Sceptre86 · 28/04/2020 13:11

Massively overthinking. Both dh and I will post pics like this from time to time doesn't mean we regret having our kids! Relax a little! If you are hurt talk to him about it but honestly I think you are overreacting.

heartsonacake · 28/04/2020 13:21

YABU and overdramatic. I agree with other posters in feeling sorry for your partner.

As much as we love our children, they are a burden on our freedom and curtail what we can do. That’s just fact; you need to accept it. It doesn’t change how we feel about them.

FlamingoAndJohn · 28/04/2020 13:23

Whilst he's gaming I'm feeding the kids, making tea, washing, cleaning etc etc ten million things.

No. That’s not on. I have no problem with gaming at all but indulging in your hobby while your partner is run ragged is not acceptable

Bluesheep8 · 28/04/2020 13:30

He happens to like that particular photo of the two of you? He's missing the freedom that lockdown has taken away?

Devlesko · 28/04/2020 13:33

I'd be upset if my dh disowned his dc, lockdown or not.
Change your picture to you and the kids and leave him off.
Bet he's trying to look younger, with no kids.
Shallow bastard.

RedskyAtnight · 28/04/2020 13:37

How is he disowning his DC? People put lots of different photos on their social media. One of my friends has picture of a fish.

swissmummy12345 · 28/04/2020 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

heartsonacake · 28/04/2020 13:38

I'd be upset if my dh disowned his dc, lockdown or not.

Devlesko 😂😂😂 You can’t just make stuff up! Not having a picture of yourself with your sprogs on social media doesn’t mean you’ve disowned them 😂😂😂

UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe · 28/04/2020 13:40

Op, I don’t know why people aren’t reading your updates! So he sits on a game all day and doesn’t help you with the kids or the housework? And I assume he’s not working at the moment if he’s able to game all day? That’s really really not on, and a much bigger issue than his status. However, if he’s this distant all the time I can see how that status would hurt your feelings.

Mind you, I’d be angry rather than upset. What freedom is he missing exactly? Because it sounds like he’s got more than enough freedom to game all day while ignoring the grown up jobs like housework and kids

(And if it helps op, I live with a male who would happily game all day, but he still helps to cook, helps the youngest with homework, looks after the pets without prompting, pushes the hoover round... and he’s 10 years old. How old is your husband?)

Ninkanink · 28/04/2020 13:41

He’s not disowning his children. 🙄🙄

OP, if you are having difficulties with him checking out of family life and making you do everything, then thrash it out with him and tell him straight out that it’s not acceptable and that he needs to do his fair share of parenting and running the household. If he’s being a deadbeat dad you need to have it out with him and tell him to step up.

Don’t make it all about something silly like a photo on his WhatsApp.

Original poster

Johnskymberlina · 28/04/2020 13:44

Woah I never said anything about disowning??? I also said I apologised to him and that I was reading too much into it with his actions I think that it's making me feel different

I'm so shocked by some rudeness on here. Maybe it's just me but I was always learnt 'if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say it at all?'

OP posts:

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