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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband meeting his family in lockdown

82 replies

kittykaty · 27/04/2020 07:12

AIBU? Furious!! Live very close to in-laws who have an adult child at home. I have seen this “child” breaching lockdown guidelines and asked husband to keep social distance to protect our kids. He has not been great at complying and we have had several rows already. Caught him getting out of a car last night with the in-laws and I have exploded. So upset/fed up with his lack of regard to our own family. What would you do?

OP posts:
Poppyfr33 · 27/04/2020 07:38

If he can’t stay away from family to go and stay with them.

Letsdrinkgin · 27/04/2020 07:41

I wouldn’t do anything tbh

honeylou42 · 27/04/2020 07:43

Pack his bags and tell him to go stay with them

Hotcuppatea · 27/04/2020 07:45

I think this is about more than him visiting his family during COVID19.

Are you children in a high risk group? Otherwise you have very little to worry about.

CeibaTree · 27/04/2020 07:49

I couldn't get upset about this -unless you and you children are in a high risk group?

Original poster
kittykaty · 27/04/2020 07:50

I have no issues with him seeing his family as often as he wants to as long as he complies with rules like we all have too. His adult sibling has been meeting strangers to sell farm supplies so we don’t know what he could have been exposed to hence why I have asked my husband to ensure some distance when visiting.

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 27/04/2020 07:51

If I was you, as you have already spoken with him about this and he has ignored you, when I saw him getting out of the in-laws' car, I would have locked the doors and prevented him from coming back home.

It's important that you are in agreement on this. If you aren't then you need to take action to protect yourself as he is putting you at risk from everyone he is in contact with.

Hotcuppatea · 27/04/2020 07:52

You're worrying unnecessarily. If you're concerned, ask him to wash his hands and change his clothes when he comes home after seeing them.

Ragwort · 27/04/2020 07:52

Are you or your DC in the vulnerable health category?

If not it is surely just as dangerous to go to the supermarket.

HugeAckmansWife · 27/04/2020 07:53

Unless anyone is high risk and needs to be extra careful, I wouldn't be getting too het up. Is he hugging them? Shaking hands? I saw my parents yesterday as I ran an errand for them. Took a coffee with me and we sat in the garden a few meters apart for 30 minutes. We are all intelligent adults capable of assessing individual risk. Stop frothing.

Firstawake · 27/04/2020 07:53

I'd be fuming and sad, he doesn't care about his family, so sorry.

Hotcuppatea · 27/04/2020 07:55

Bollocks Firstawake

Temple29 · 27/04/2020 07:57

I’d be livid too. It’s not just about being in a vulnerable category because anyone can catch it and end up seriously ill. It’s not the same as going to the supermarket because you need to eat but don’t need to visit family.

I don’t know why people are taking the risk. Better safe than sorry.

Mittens030869 · 27/04/2020 08:05

I'm always rather taken aback on here by the number of posters who have the idea that if they're not in a vulnerable group, catching COVID-19 will be no more dangerous than a cold (correct me if I've misunderstood). I'm not in a vulnerable group as such, apart from having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and low immunity) and yet I've been unwell for 7 weeks now, with COVID-19, I've had several secondary infections.

It really isn't guaranteed to be mild at all. It's highly unlikely to be fatal, true, but it can be very nasty. There are healthy young people who have ended up in intensive care, and that puts frontline workers at risk.

It's also not just about you. You might have it very mildly or be asymptomatic. It's because you could be a carrier and infect a vulnerable person at the supermarket, or someone who is a key worker. So the OP isn't just frothing, she does have good reason to be angry with her DH, and would be justified in expecting him to follow the lockdown rules.

Nquartz · 27/04/2020 08:10

And of course it's worse than going to the supermarket, in Tesco I'm not in prolonged close contact with multiple people, possibly hugging & kissing.

And if people think it's only a cold, they need to read the burning lungs threads, most of those posters are otherwise healthy, average people.

LouLouLoo · 27/04/2020 08:17

A trip to the supermarket is essential, socialising is not. The more people you see the greater the risk of infection, it’s why we have lockdown measures in place!

Why does your husband think the rules don’t apply to him?

BunnytheHoneyBee · 27/04/2020 08:19

It really isn't guaranteed to be mild at all. It's highly unlikely to be fatal, true, but it can be very nasty.

Agree. Enough of this “if you don’t have underlying health conditions then don’t worry about it”

HugeAckmansWife · 27/04/2020 08:29

Being in a car accident can be very nasty to but in normal times we do millions of unnecessary car journeys. We play sports that can be potentially fatal or certainly dangerous. This situation is not going to be 'over' in a few weeks or even months. It is not realistic or necessary to keep closest lived ones apart indefinitely. I think some of the responses on here are way OTT. He's not been out drinking with his mates, he's gone to see his parents. And the op hasn't said how close they physically got, or if he washed his hands, showered or changed clothes when returning (which I would also consider OTT but there's a compromise to had surely)

Hotcuppatea · 27/04/2020 08:29

Nothing is guaranteed in life.

I wonder how many of you get in your cars and drive? Guess what? There is no guarantee that you aren't going to die or be maimed in a road traffic accident. Time to sell the car, right?

Careylisa · 27/04/2020 18:59

I live opposite my parents, what they wouldn't give to spend some time with their young granddaughter. But they stay behind the porch door every day and have a giggle with her, knowing that it's not forever even though it hurts!

Stellamboscha · 27/04/2020 19:39

YANBU
For god's sake people have lost all sense of proportion and humanity too.
Of course you should visit family if you or they need you. I am delighted my DS who lives elsewhere visits us.

Pleasebeafleabite · 27/04/2020 19:43

In 2 weeks time lockdown could be eased and it could suddenly ok to visit a small number of friends and family. Because Boris says so. But what in reality will have changed?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/04/2020 20:29

I’d have told him to get back into the car and stay with them and would have been furious.

Households shouldn’t be mixing, family or not. It’s not forever and for the benefit of others as well as ourselves. Seems to be a lot of people who selfishly refuse to comply.

Thingsthatgo · 27/04/2020 20:35

I’m surprised by the number of posters who are defending the husband in this scenario. He was in a car with his family, not socially distancing from them.
I saw this the general consensus now? That we can go visit family, and that’s ok?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/04/2020 20:43

I've been the first to slam the curtain-twitching neighbourhood stasi on these threads. I wouldn't report the comings and goings of locals. But if this were my own DH I'd have a great deal to say.

Aside from anything else he's conveying a very unpleasant message about whose feelings are more important to him: yours (and your concerns about the wellbeing of your children) or his family.

I'd suggest that the next time he goes he can stay with them.