Husband meeting his family in lockdown

[kittykaty]

AIBU? Furious!! Live very close to in-laws who have an adult child at home. I have seen this “child” breaching lockdown guidelines and asked husband to keep social distance to protect our kids. He has not been great at complying and we have had several rows already. Caught him getting out of a car last night with the in-laws and I have exploded. So upset/fed up with his lack of regard to our own family. What would you do?

In 2 weeks time lockdown could be eased and it could suddenly ok to visit a small number of friends and family. Because Boris says so. But what in reality will have changed?

Well the NHS will be capable to deal with the people who do become unwell.

What struck me was hearing from a hospital chief explaining that if there is a shortage of ventilators that decisions will have to be made as to which patient will have this treatment based on who is more likely to survive. Meaning that an elderly person who has caught the virus unluckily will lose their life over (potentially) somebody who flouted the rules purposefully.

Eh? I thought the whole point of lockdown was that we didn’t meet or visit family in other households. Why are so many posters acting as if that doesn’t apply any more?

@opticaldelusion will you be aerated when someone you love is dead?

@ItsGoingTibiaK

I'm talking about the "rules" that people are pulling out of their arsehole left right and centre.

Op said the brother is flouting the rules, when he was seeing people to sell farm equipment which is business and therefore allowed.

With the exception of the organisations covered above in the section on closing certain businesses and venues, the government has not required any other businesses to close – indeed it is important for business to carry on.

And if the OP was in any doubt, you are allowed to gather for work purposes and not observe social distancing:

where the gathering is essential for work purposes - but workers should try to minimise all meetings and other gatherings in the workplace

I wasn't even talking about what the husband was doing. I highlighted her specific point about the brother because these threads are so full of nonsense interpretations.

And the rest of my post was directed at the posters who just cannot stand that everyone isn't paralysed with fear like they are.

I'm not breaking the rules. But the fact there is a virus spreading isn't anyones fault. It's a fucking virus.

I had a similar-but-different situation with my partner. His mum and dad needed some things, they’re an hour away. So DP drove over to drop off some shopping. When he got there his mum begged and pleaded with him to stay for a cup of tea. She’s miserable never going out and she really really wanted to catch up with him. She was virtually in tears. She was angry when he said it wasn’t allowed. So he had a cup of tea and a chat for an hour in the garden. He said it was perfectly safe because he was 12 metres away from them at all times. It’s an enormous garden.

Ok, but I’m vulnerable, DP is vulnerable, and his parents are in their 80s. One of them has heart failure. But DP is absolutely certain that it was safe enough and his poor mum has been so miserable she really needed a chat with him to cheer her up. I understand that. She’s a very sociable person and is really struggling with this.

Obviously I hope we’ll all be fine. But what if we’re not? My point of view is: I’m not a microbiologist or an epidemiologist or whatever, so I’m not qualified to assess actual risks and it’s better to follow the guidelines closely. DP’s point of view is: well 12 metres must be safe, surely. Not sure I agree, and anxiety isn’t helping.

12 metres away, and outside is absolutely safe. Your anxiety is making you think illogically @CardsforKittens

@Chockablok

*And the rest of my post was directed at the posters who just cannot stand that everyone isn't paralysed with fear like they are.
*
What are you talking about? Who is paralysed with fear? What people can't stand is that certain individuals feel that the rules don't apply to them. That's not about fear, it's about disliking a selfish attitude that is counterproductive to the public effort to minimise the impact of the virus. The people flouting the rules are not braver or less fearful, they're ignorant.

Well I've clearly missed the press conference that lockdown is over! Apparently it's fine to go and visit family again and mix households.

I'm surprised by the number of people who think it's fine for them to break the rules, knowing that if everyone did this then the NHS would be overwhelmed.

People who are not old or in another vulnerable category have died. Someone in his family could die from the visits.

The more people meet, the more the virus spreads and the more people it kills and the more overwhelmed the NHS gets.

The rule isnt 'it's fine to mix households if they're not vulnerable' or 'it's ok to see family if you washed your hands'. Its not to visit and certainly not get in an enclosed space with them. It is looking likely the virus can spread through being airborne therefore people saying it's ok if you've not hugged or kissed or shaken hands etc are likely to be wrong and contributing to the spread if that's the attitude they take

And I'm not paralysed with fear, I'm not quarantining post, I'm not staying inside, im not disinfecting my washing. I'm following the government rules so I dont contribute to the spread to others. Clearly lots of people dont give a shit

12 metres away, and outside is absolutely safe. Your anxiety is making you think illogically

I can think logically enough, I just can’t feel logically . I want to see evidence for every claim about what is safe.

Far too many posts like this one Are you children in a high risk group? Otherwise you have very little to worry about!

There is everything to worry about, how can people be so stupid still to think this! The guidelines about not mixing households are there for a reason.

So many selfish people it would seem, no wonder this virus is spreading like it is.

Agree. Enough of this “if you don’t have underlying health conditions then don’t worry about it”

You'll find this in some form or another on practically every thread. It's everywhere.

The op herself is using questionable language like "Furious!!" "Protect my children!!" "I exploded!!"

And then being whipped up and validated by other posters. She sounds like she needs professional help for her anxiety.

Can you imagine this was a male poster saying he "exploded!!" at his wife.

And the rest of my post was directed at the posters who just cannot stand that everyone isn't paralysed with fear like they are

I'm not paralysed with fear. I do work every day as I'm a Nurse with the knowledge I'm at risk of catching this, taking it home and probably killing my DH.

I'm not paralysed with fear. I do work every day as I'm a Nurse with the knowledge I'm at risk of catching this, taking it home and probably killing my DH.

Then my post doesn't apply to you.

You can't chat from 12 metres away unless you have megaphone or really really good hearing.

The message that the government are trying to spread is: stay at home.
It's not: stay at home unless you fancy doing something different.
This is the actual government advice:
-----------------
Stay at home
Only go outside for food, health reasons or work (but only if you cannot work from home)
If you go out, stay 2 metres (6ft) away from other people at all times
Wash your hands as soon as you get home
Do not meet others, even friends or family. You can spread the virus even if you don’t have symptoms.
-------------------
I know a lot of people are completely ignoring it, and making up their own rules.

Being in a car with family members from a different address is clearly not OK.

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 5 weeks. He has been looking after his elderly parents, and his Mum died this weekend. I'm not going to see him until the guidance changes. It's very difficult, but we know that we are not risking the lives of anyone we love.
There are plenty of arguments on each side, but I don't believe that it's OK to see my boyfriend, and potentially risk ending other people's lives early.

Perhaps the Marie Curie nurse has infected my boyfriend when she visited his Mum? Perhaps I could then infect my children? Would it be worth the risk?
I don't think so, but obviously others don't worry about the risk so much. I find it very disappointing that so many seemingly intelligent people are so nonchalant about consciously being part of the problem. Not only that, they are encouraging others to take additional risks.

My sister has stage 4 cancer. She was on a Covid ward for 3 days until her test came back negative. She had pneumonia.
She's now at home with my elderly parents, and we have to hope that they won't become infected.

I genuinely hope that none of you end up in a similar situation due to taking unnecessary risks.

I'd be fuming!

39 year old healthy, non-smoking woman with no previous health problems here - I'm still recovering from Covid 4/5 weeks on. Turned into viral pneumonia with breathing difficulties and chest pain amongst other symptoms and it is literally the most unwell I've ever been in my life - and I'm still unwell now.

Nobody is immune to catching it, no matter what your age or how healthy you are. It just tends to be even more dangerous for the elderly or vulnerable groups.

I haven't seen my mum, who lives on her own, for over 5 weeks! Because I love her and want to protect her. I'm shocked that people are not following social distancing rules. This situation will never get better if some people think they're above the rules!

I’m not paralysed with fear, I just think we should all have some bloody impulse control and follow what we’ve been asked to do.

I'm not 'paralysed with fear', either. but I do have genuine reasons to be careful right now. Both because of my own vulnerabilities, as I've described, and because my DH has asthma. And because of my own COVID-19 symptoms, I wouldn't be able to visit my 80 year old DM or have her here. and she, and my MIL, wouldn't be able to come and see their DGDs, even if that were allowed, which is very unfair on my DDs.

Mocking us as simply being 'paralysed by fear' is very unkind. We're not, but not taking proper precautions would be beyond selfish.

I'm not a 'curtain twitcher' and I wouldn't report anyone. But I know that if my DH was knowingly ignoring social distancing rules and putting members of our household, and potentially members of the public when he goes to the supermarket, I would be angry, not paralysed by fear, as I would consider it to be very irresponsible behaviour.

Eh? I thought the whole point of lockdown was that we didn’t meet or visit family in other households. Why are so many posters acting as if that doesn’t apply any more?

Because there a lot of people who believe that they're special and that the rules shouldn't apply to them.

Sick of the number of people who think they are special and can break the rules. Or try to break the rules under the guise of 'I'm a rational adult and can think for myself', therefore the rules don't apply. You're killing people and you're the reason lockdown will go on for longer.

'people' are generally not qualified to assess their own risk.

Risk versus benefit assessment is something all of us do, practically every day of our lives, with varying degrees of severity and success. A balancing act like this is often effective but inevitably sometimes tips the scales in the wrong direction. That's life, but on the whole in a supposedly democratic society the judgement call is with individuals, not a Nanny State overseeing every decision on our behalf (and fucking it up royally, as we've seen in last two months). If you really want a society that's organized and operates along those lines, then all I can say is be careful what you wish for.

Another PP wrote:

I'm talking about the "rules" that people are pulling out of their arsehole left right and centre.

Amen. I am also talking about precisely that. People are allegedly not qualified to 'assess' their own risk, but apparently feel quite at liberty to assess that of everybody else (and lecture, record and report them to the authorities accordingly).

I choose to think there is a proportionate middle-ground between the minority Flouters and Neighbourhood Prefects at opposite ends of the scale. If anything else (even accounting for the expected reduced complicity as lockdown continues), reports from both central government and various police forces overwhelmingly bear this out.

Risk versus benefit assessment is something all of us do, practically every day of our lives

@MarieIVanArkleStinks this isn't like crossing the road or deciding whether to have that last glass of wine. If everyone had decided that it was within their power to do their own risk assessment in this situation, the number of deaths would be many, many times higher than it is now. No matter how clever you think you are, there are some situations in which everyone needs to just shut up and put up for the greater benefit of society.

And don't talk rubbish about the 'nanny state'. The government doesn't want you to stay indoors any more than you do. They want you out and about, spending money and driving the economy forwards.

This thread has made me bloody fuming!

I am sick of the entitled, obtuse and selfish attitude of some who honestly think it's ok to mix households and break rules.

It is NOT because I'm scared of the virus, it's because I want to protect anyone who might get it severely or die (purposely not saying 'the vulnerable') and to stop the NHS being swamped and unable to cope. We needed to slow down cases to make sure hospitals can cope.
WHICH WE HAVE ALL KNOWN FOR 5 WEEKS NOW WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL NOT GETTING THIS.

Selfish fuckers who think they are special in some way or feel superior looking down on 'hysterics.'