Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU to be highly offended by this?

119 replies

Keepcalmandcarryon7 · 25/04/2020 23:00

I'm in a very new relationship (6 months). Due to lockdown we haven't seen each other in about 5 weeks. We talk daily and have made plans for after lock down. He has asked to come over to mine several times but I have said no as it's against the rules. Anyway this evening we were talking as normal and he decided to ask me if I was trying to see/meet up with other men. To me this implies that he doesn't trust me and doesn't think much of me. I am a single mum at home with my children every day. He is also showing that he is a very insecure person amongst other things. Should I just get rid whilst still in the early stages? AIBU to be pissed off and ignore his numerous texts and phone calls?

OP posts:

66redballons · 26/04/2020 15:28

He’s checking out the idea of an open relationship. Do you mind if he try’s it out?

Original poster

Keepcalmandcarryon7 · 27/04/2020 19:55

I've told him that I don't feel like things can continue. As I said previously there are other issues and red flags. He is constantly messaging me and calling at all hours (2,3 am etc). He has sent me a picture of him looking very sad after supposedly crying. He is due to go back to work this week but has said he will not be going unless he can see me and stay with me for a few days.

OP posts:

TooTrueToBeGood · 27/04/2020 20:09

He is due to go back to work this week but has said he will not be going unless he can see me and stay with me for a few days.

Please don't cave into this. Is just another attempt at emotionally blackmailing and controlling you. Do yourself a favour and tell him to fuck off and grow up - it's no skin off your nose whether he goes back to work or not. If you are going to end it, which I personally think you should, you'll get there faster by putting on a hard front rather than treating him with kid gloves.

AMR3 · 27/04/2020 20:51

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

I’m in a similar situation. Relationship of about 6 months but not seen each other since the lockdown was put in place. I’m also alone with just my DC, who have no idea I even have a boyfriend. We text everyday, talk, FaceTime etc once my DC are asleep. We both miss each other and keep saying how we can’t wait to see each other again and have talked about plans for when this whole thing is over. Yes we’re both feeling frustrated at the lack of sex, we’re only human for crying out loud, and have spoken about how we can’t wait for that again too. But the difference is he’s not suggesting I’m meeting other men, he’s not saying he want to see me just for the sex and despite jokes, from us both, about sneaky rendezvous, he’s made it very clear that when we do finally see each other he wants to have quality time together not just a quick shag. He wants our date nights, cuddle up in bed together again, sit and watch a movie, have dinner, just have that physical affection of being able to cuddle.

If he was acting like your DP I’d be seriously considering his maturity to be in a relationship, as well as being pretty offended by both his accusations and his willingness to ignore the rules.

VenusTiger · 27/04/2020 21:15

@Keepcalmandcarryon7 is there a small chance he's damaged from past relationships? He was cheated on in the past/recently and has low self esteem?
You need to talk to him in depth about all of this and try and gauge his reactions and his reasons/excuses - don't just dump him because he's feeling worried that you won't 'break the isolation rules' to meet with him - find out first - sometimes MN can diagnose a situation before knowing all the whys.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/04/2020 21:25

You need to talk to him in depth about all of this and try and gauge his reactions and his reasons/excuses

No she doesn't. It's not up to her to try and figure out why he can't take no for an answer, or why he thinks it's ok to accuse her of cheating. It's absolutely fine if she were to just text him and say it's over. She doesn't owe him anything. It's only been 6 months, this should still be the honeymoon period and he sounds like a manipulative little shit - saying he won't go to work unless she agrees to see him like the op is presumably meant to worry about him losing his job "because she won't see him"? On top of accusing her of cheating. Controlling little wanker.

MoonBlood · 27/04/2020 21:40

*To me this implies HE is trying to meet up with, or see, other women. Or thinking about it.

He’s testing the water.*

These were my first thoughts upon reading your OP.

TooTrueToBeGood · 27/04/2020 21:41

*is there a small chance he's damaged from past relationships? He was cheated on in the past/recently and has low self esteem?

Who cares? She's only been seeing him for 6 months and they've not had any physical contact for the past 5 weeks - she barely knows him. She needs a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with a decent man, not a project to fix some fuck-up with a range of issues and strong signs of controlling behaviour.

Lemonblast · 27/04/2020 21:43

He sounds needy and insecure.
Dump and block.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/04/2020 22:07

He is due to go back to work this week but has said he will not be going unless he can see me and stay with me for a few days

What a manipulative prick.

I don't think any reply is called for. You've told him the relationship is over and he's STILL not taking no for an answer.

BackseatCookers · 27/04/2020 22:33

He has sent me a picture of him looking very sad after supposedly crying.

What. The. Fuck.

He is due to go back to work this week but has said he will not be going unless he can see me and stay with me for a few days.

What. The. ACTUAL. Fuck.

Well he won't be going to work then will he?

Manipulative, controlling, bullet dodged.

Block.

MitziK · 27/04/2020 22:36

He has sent me a picture of him looking very sad after supposedly crying. He is due to go back to work this week but has said he will not be going unless he can see me and stay with me for a few days

Oh, fuck off.

Seriously, block the arse now. Before you get the 'I'm at a cliff/railway bridge/car in the middle of nowhere and I'm phoning to say goodbye' bollocks or a snivelling wretch at your door.

Bluewater1 · 27/04/2020 22:42

Get rid

PanamaPattie · 27/04/2020 23:01

Run. Forest. Run.

Plurabellicose · 27/04/2020 23:01

But why would it be anything to do with you if he goes back to work or not? Surely that’s his decision and that of his employers? Does he think it’s some kind of bargaining chip? Why would he imagine you would care either way?

And I can have no respect for a man who sends you a photo of himself supposedly after a good cry. Look at mySad Ickle Face. It’s such toddler tactics. And yes, agree with pps that you need to end things firmly and block before he starts sending you photos of viaducts and sleeping pills.

And don’t let him in if he calls to your door.

Thedogscollar · 27/04/2020 23:04

Too needy. Get rid.

Apirateslifeforme · 27/04/2020 23:06

It's the stupidity of it that would bug me. How can he think that you've de died to not see him because of lockdown, but dragging other men in the house you share with your DC or leaving them alone whilst you go for a bunk up.

I'd not want to continue

Coffeecak3 · 27/04/2020 23:10

Dump and block. He sounds like hard work.

Dita73 · 27/04/2020 23:25

Way too clingy. Ditch immediately and hide your rabbit

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread