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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask who you sleep next to?

107 replies

Porcelainskin · 25/04/2020 21:25

Have 4 month DD in my room and DH moved to the spare bed indefinitely. His choice but I encouraged. Been about 6 weeks so far and no talk from either of us of it changing. Is it very unusual or more common than I've been led to believe?

OP posts:

Incrediblytired · 25/04/2020 21:28

Up until about 8 months there were phases when husband slept on sofa for periods of time, my daughter didn’t sleep and he needed to as he had work. This was really common amongst friends with young babies.

Not since then though. It would be nice to have the odd night with the bed to myself but I’d be worried about our relationship be becoming a friendship if he moved indefinitely.

ScarfLadysBag · 25/04/2020 21:29

I think it's really common! Of all my mum friends from antenatal classes, all spent some time sleeping separately from their husbands when baby arrived. We went back to sleeping together when DD stopped needing night feeds and was in her own room at about 6mo but now apart again as 14mo DD has started co-sleeping with me and DH is a big guy and too deep a sleeper so he sleeps in his man cave and DD and I share the super king We all get a good night's sleep this way!

Honestly, though, I've always been an antisocial sleeper and never really that bothered about bedsharing. I'm all about maximum sleep for everyone!

beebeedandelion · 25/04/2020 21:30

Lots of comfy pillow and my kindle

Jjjjjj1981 · 25/04/2020 21:30

My DS, he’s 8!
(ASD & other SEN)

DDIJ · 25/04/2020 21:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

notacooldad · 25/04/2020 21:33

I sleep next to DH.
When I had the babies they slept in a crib in our room. Dh was able to support me with the night feeds or doing a change if needed. We've never slept apart when we've been under the same roof in 30 years.

flyingspaghettimonster · 25/04/2020 21:34

My husband. For a few years my youngest slept on the other side of me, but we got rid of our box springs then and did mattresses on the floor so he was on his own bed. I am a light sleeper and struggle with anyone other than husband there. Only times I've ever let a child sleep in ky bed is when they have been really poorly and I need to watch them breathing etc

Curiosity101 · 25/04/2020 21:34

I get the impression it's common in lots of houses.

Often (like in your case) if one partner is working and the other is a stay at home parent and wanting to co-sleep or even just if the baby is in the room and disturbing the working parents sleep.

Also on occasions where people disturb each other at night. eg. People who have partners that snore.

I wouldn't want to do it myself - Initially, DH was a duvet hog but I subconsciously learned to hold the duvet in my sleep, and then he seemed to stop the habit. He doesn't have any bad habits now and I sleep really badly when DH isn't here. However, if we ever have another baby and if I can breastfeed I've already explained we may be cosleeping for at least the first 6 weeks and he's ok with that.

If he chose to leave the bed then I wouldn't begrudge him and it probably wouldn't be forever.

I imagine your DH will return once the baby moves out?

ScarfLadysBag · 25/04/2020 21:35

I never thought I'd be into co-sleeping but there's something just lovely about being woken up by DD giving me a big cuddle 🥰 so I'm in no rush to stop while we are all happy and well rested! I was of the 'own room in cot all night' school of thought a few months ago, and then somehow we've ended up here

raspberryk · 25/04/2020 21:36

I sleep next to my dp and the dog.
Always slept in the same bed as my ex husband even when the babies were tiny, I don't know any couples except 1 older couple (who sleep separately due to snoring and illness), unless they're going through relationship troubles/separation.

Sparklesocks · 25/04/2020 21:36

My DP and I sleep in different rooms in the week and then together at the weekend.

He’s a very light sleeper and I toss and turn a lot so keep him up, which has got worse in recent years. I talk in my sleep too and can have night terrors which is even worse. I think if does have trouble sleeping he thinks ‘oh no this will be a problem in the morning’ and worrying about it makes it even harder. It started affecting his sleep and wasn’t very on the ball at work, so on a trial basis he started sleeping in the spare room.

Turns out it worked really well and he slept much better in his separate bed. I actually sleep better too as I’m not worrying about him.

We sleep together at weekends because there’s less pressure to be up for work early so it’s not the end of the world if I keep him up. It works really well for us. I was a bit worried it would impact on our intimacy but it hasn’t.

It works for us. It’s about finding what works for you. I think it’s quite common with young children too if one of you is getting up in the night more.

LolaLollypop · 25/04/2020 21:37

I currently sleep next to DH and my 9 week old DS. My DH has slept in another room quite a few times over the last 9 week's when he's helped with night feeds. It makes sense for us to sleep apart to maximise sleep. But I couldn't do it long term. I'd miss him sleeping next to me - and he misses our comfortable bed!

SimonJT · 25/04/2020 21:37

It depends on the time.

I sleep with my boyfriend for the first half of the night, I usually get in my sons bed halfway through the night, or he gets in mine and my boyfriend gets relegated to the sofa.

Selfsettling3 · 25/04/2020 21:37

My 9 month old and occasionally the nearly 4 year old. With DD1 I slept in bed with her from 6 to 11 months and then DH and I would go to bed together and alternate who would get into bd with her when she woke. It’s was very odd going back to sharing with DH.

Sparrowlegs248 · 25/04/2020 21:37

My 3 yr old, from anytime between midnight and 5.

Justatenant · 25/04/2020 21:37

DD1 (4y) and the other side DD2 (2y)

DH gets the spare room

Selfsettling3 · 25/04/2020 21:39

Oh the cat sleeps on the chair in my room unless the older child comes into my bed in which case he comes in too.

Inconnu · 25/04/2020 21:39

I sleep next to my DH.

When the DC were little one of us would sleep in the spare room sometimes if one of the DC was having a bad night. I think it's fine if it's genuinely helping one or both of you to get more sleep at a time when sleep is really precious. But I'd try to judge when that's no longer the case and put a stop to it then if you can.

Thickmuthafuckers · 25/04/2020 21:40

My 2 year old

MrsP2015 · 25/04/2020 21:40

When dc was born and in a next to me crib, dh moved into the spare room until she moved into her own room at 8 months.
I'd have kept it going longer but she learnt to move too much!
I loved it!

Now we are apart but I'm in the spare... he's frontline key worker so I see it's a bit less exposure for me from anything he could be carrying.

onanothertrain · 25/04/2020 21:41

I usually end up wedged between OH and DDog

user2085372673 · 25/04/2020 21:41

My 3 year old. Husband and I stopped sharing when our third came along but just as she started sleeping better my 3 year old got very needy. She’s SEN and takes so much comfort from sleeping next to me. I never co-slept and was always strict on bed as babies but she has lots of challenges in life and if sleeping next to me help that, who cares? If she’s still there at 10 maybe I’ll address it. Whether DH will be invited back in is another matter!

iklboo · 25/04/2020 21:44

DH
DCat1 at my feet
Occasionally DCat2 on my head.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/04/2020 21:46

DH and year old DD who cosleeps half the night which works for us. Whatever gets you all through the night is sensible and up to you

Wired4sound · 25/04/2020 21:48

My husband for the first half of the night and my 4 year old for the second half of the night.

Well until he kicks me/lays on me and then I get into the spare room bed.

I often wake up and the 4 year old has found me

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