To send sen dd to sister's for a couple of days a fortnight to give me a break

[sequinednostrils]

Lone parent. Dd 9 with v challenging behaviour sen, pathological demand avoidance so exhausting trying to do anything.
The lockdown has actually helped her as demands are low- no school ( although she is entitled to go) I do the basic boundaries and demands of bedtime routine.
She hasn't brushed her hair for 2 months, hasn't washed for 10 days and this is normal.
But I usually have a break and it's just been us , intense lockdown at home.
No time for self care or time to myself .
She doesn't see her dad anymore ( his choice)and government guidelines say this can go ahead,
So aibu to send dd to 'contact' with sister who is very involved and essentially a co parent?
Social worker says yes, it's exceptional circumstances and will write a letter.
I'm still in two minds but getting desperate and depleted.

I wouldn’t hesitate. Good luck, sounds really hard.

Yanbu whatsoever. Go for it. And, enjoy your peace.

I would do it - you are desperate and depleted, so don't feel guilty. These are exceptional circumstances, and you need to recharge so you can continue being a parent.

This post puts a lot of others into perspective. Do it, for both of you. Take care.

I would absolutely do this.

Do it.

I am seriously considering similar with Ds as having no respite at all isn’t helping either of us

Definitely send her to spend time with her Aunt, you need to recharge your batteries. Hope you get some respite soon.

Do it

Do it, for both of you!

Yes, she needs to see your sister, especially if she is a quasi co-parent.

It sounds good for both of you, do it.

Absolutely. Sounds like it will do you the world.of good and your wellbeing is important too. I believe you will need to act as one household (I.e. if one shows symptoms all will need to isolate) but yes, do it if your sister is on board.

If your sister is willing this is fine.
I hope “care around the family” comes through for you once this is over.

Definitely do it,twill make the situation so much easier for the both of you and help you both.

Of course. Don't think twice. Just do it.
If you need to think you are obeying the rules you will be..
A) Because if you have a row with a partner the rules say you can go stay with a friend for a few days to calm down. This is about safety. You need to be safe.
B) People with SEN have the regulations relaxed because it's realised they need stability etc. Your dd's relationship with your sister is vital.
You need to recharge. You have a much bigger load to carry than others. Don't feel guilty just do it

Why aren’t you sending her to school? Would that not help both of you?

In the guidelines it says a person is allowed to move households for a 'cooling off' period after disruption in the home. I think your situation qualifies. My teen son and I were really getting on each other nerves - he went from full time college, working two days a week plus gym twice a day and seeing his girlfriend to nothing. After four weeks I was just nagging him the whole time and I knew we were building up to a blowout. Luckily his girlfriends mum asked if he could go there for a week. Just in time in my mind.

Oh phew, Thankyou. I really thought iabu.
We've been stuck in the house for most of lockdown ( dd refuses to go out anyway) and I was looking on bright side of at least we are not in danger of getting virus. But there are other forms of health that need safeguarding too.
My mental health for one!

Why not send her to school?
It’d be better to have a routine in place where you get regular time to do your own things than to get to a point where you desperately need a few days off and have to change the routine so significantly to send her to your sister.
It might be an idea to consider it.
My DS is going to school and he’s loving it. There’s zero school work being done, totally DS led. I’m really surprised more parents aren’t using schools, it’s the perfect time for them to go and to have a positive experience with so few children going. Obviously, I can only speak from my/DS’s experience of school during lockdown, but I’d highly recommend that parents give it a go.

“Yes, she needs to see your sister, especially if she is a quasi co-parent.”

Ok Timetospare, but I don’t think we need to spin everything to show it from a “forget the mother, how will it benefit the child?” angle. The OP should do it because SHE needs a break. And that is ok.

I would also do it without hesitation. You need to recharge. Don't guilt trip yourself.

I’m assuming as she as avoidance around school it’s easier to keep her at home than going through the hell of getting her to school.

Do it OP. It will be good for both of you. You can’t support her if your mental health declines.

YANBU.

The guidelines are clear that children can move between households to see separated parents.

This IMO is absolutely no different and gives you some much needed time to care for yourself.

Absolutely, and I’d reconsider sending her to school for a day or two a week as well.

Gosh yes do it. My DD also refuses to brush her hair. So many things become magnified in this environment. You absolutely need to recharge.