To send sen dd to sister's for a couple of days a fortnight to give me a break

[sequinednostrils]

Lone parent. Dd 9 with v challenging behaviour sen, pathological demand avoidance so exhausting trying to do anything.
The lockdown has actually helped her as demands are low- no school ( although she is entitled to go) I do the basic boundaries and demands of bedtime routine.
She hasn't brushed her hair for 2 months, hasn't washed for 10 days and this is normal.
But I usually have a break and it's just been us , intense lockdown at home.
No time for self care or time to myself .
She doesn't see her dad anymore ( his choice)and government guidelines say this can go ahead,
So aibu to send dd to 'contact' with sister who is very involved and essentially a co parent?
Social worker says yes, it's exceptional circumstances and will write a letter.
I'm still in two minds but getting desperate and depleted.

Do it!

Do it. Don't think twice.

• dd would come back from contact traumatised and distressed.

I tried hard to support their relationship but I can't make him .

Right. I've booked dd in for tomorrow with dsis. X

Just do it, you need to.

That’s great, OP. Enjoy the break.

I hate people flouting rules for their own convenience but this is exceptional. There's a reason DD would be allowed at school and your sister's house is less of a risk as you're only mixing two households.

That's great! Enjoy your time OP!

Although your DDs father is useless, she's got a loving DM and Aunt, she's a lucky girl.

Thanks people. You've really helped put my mind at rest.
Off to re set dd's bedroom after an anxiety meltdown destruction session. Ho hum.

DEf send her she may actually get a wash and hair brushed.

DEF send her she may actually get a wash and hair brushed.

What is that comment supposed to mean? I assume you mean that a change of environment might help the child calm down long enough for the aunt to attempt to bath the child? Because only a dick with no knowledge of the child’s disability would suggest that it’s the mother’s fault and I’m sure you don’t want to be mistaken for an ignorant wanker that knows the sum total of fuck all.

Do it . One of my dc has pda alongside many other issues always refused respite so if you can do it then absolutely go for it and recharge your batteries

Your entitledd to you oppinion. I stick by what i said. I am not saying it is easy but were talking basic needs here.

@t0tallyfuckedupfamily. Very nicely put. And politely too! I'm impressed by your restraint. Not sure I could have been so restrained.

OP: you are a superhero, but even superheroes need to recharge.🌷

What a vile attitude @june2007. Do you usually spout off about disabilities you clearly have no understanding of or was this a one off?

"Your entitledd to you oppinion. I stick by what i said. I am not saying it is easy but were talking basic needs here."

And your experience is?
I'll answer it for you. None.

Your entitledd to you oppinion. I stick by what i said. I am not saying it is easy but were talking basic needs here.

Basic needs are food, warmth and safety.

Thank yourself lucky you’ve never been in a position where achieving that for your child is actually a massive achievement despite what ignorant twats say

If your sister can have her let her go.

You have my sympathy. My eldest is dx PDA and my youngest is autistic and it is unimaginably more difficult than parenting children without SEN.

My daughter had a meltdown today because I asked her to brush hair. We ended up out with her looking like she'd climbed through a hedge backwards. Anyone on here is suggesting this is down to parenting hasn't got a fucking clue.

I have home educated both of my kids for the last 2 years as schools are not set up for our kids.

Enjoy your break x

Hair must be a common theme my dd when she was 10 refused to do hers and then when we asked would violently run her head on the carpet to deliberately cause her hair to get matted up it was awful

*rub

There is a child who goes to our school who refuses her hair done by her parents the teacher does her hair for her daily

it works for them 🤷‍♀️

@june2007 your post is full of massive spelling errors, so I assume you've got additional needs?

So why do you judge others?

Shameful!! That's what you are!

So speaks June2007 who has clearly never in their life ever tried to negotiate with a 9 y/o with additional needs.

What do you suggest for a child who refuses to brush their hair and will lash out and actively fight you if you try June? Strap them down and forcibly brush it whilst they scream and sob and wriggle? Christ people like you really have no idea at all.

Same for dd, a direct request causes anxiety and she would deliberately twist and knot her hair. When it was really bad she cut great chunks out and had a very short wonky fringe and half shoulder length half short hair. She can't cope with hair dressers so we just had to wait for it to grow. Same with clothes, she cuts or tears them. Even her favourite ones.
It's no use getting mad or telling her off. I repair what I can. She can't help it. We've made so much progress but it will always be hard.
I can't physically get her to wash, when her anxiety is low I 'wonder' when a good time would be for a shower. Sometimes that works.

She has a very high IQ. She even says to me 'I can't do that, because you directly asked me'. Even if it's something she loves, she will sabotage it if she thinks it was my idea.

Her basic need at the moment is safety. All the other stuff follows.

Yes. Without hesitation, send her.