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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do not want SD getting my money if I die

151 replies

Preparefortheflaming · 24/04/2020 23:42

I’m fully prepared to be flamed for this. I have an adult step daughter who doesn’t like me and the feeling is mutual. I have 2 DC with my husband. I stand to inherit some money from my parents eventually and I want to make sure that the money from my family does not pass through to my step daughter. This means if I die before my husband I think I need it to go directly to my 2 DC. Is that how it’s done? This is what I want and I don’t care for opinions on how wicked I am I just want to know how is best to do it. Thanks

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 24/04/2020 23:45

If your dh outlives you and there’s no will, he is next of kin, everything defaults to him. Make a will, leave everything to your dc-in a Trust til they’re of age. There is no reason anything will go to your sd unless you pre-decease your dh and he leaves something/everything to his dd. Does your dh know your feelings?

Jayfeem · 24/04/2020 23:50

Seek specialist advice but (in Scotland anyway) she would have no entitlement unless you have adopted her.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/04/2020 23:53

Then you need a will that says this

Have you spoken to your DH about this? Does your SD have a mother still alive that she is likely to inherit from?
If you approach it from this basis will your DH see where you are coming from? Rather than saying it’s because you don’t like her.

Weenurse · 24/04/2020 23:54

Can your parents bypass you and leave it directly to your DC?

Casmama · 24/04/2020 23:54

I think you should discuss it with your husband. Presumably he has some expectation that he would inherit from you in the event of your death and it would be living a lie for him not to know that you have other plans.
I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest - it is perfectly reasonable for your parents money to pass down your family line which does not include your step daughter but i would consider what your dh should inherit from you - personal pension etc as it doesn't seem right to me that everything you have would pass directly to your children and cut him out in the event you die before he does.

Sushiroller · 24/04/2020 23:55

This means if I die before my husband I think I need it to go directly to my 2 DC. Is that how it’s done?

Correct it will need to go direct. You need a will!

billy1966 · 24/04/2020 23:59

OP, nothing wrong with this, just don't be passive about it and expect it to somehow happen.

Its called estate planning and making a will.
Contact a recommended solicitor and zet out what your wishes are.

Your money, your choice👍

abstractprojection · 24/04/2020 23:59

I’d have thought it normal in a family with adult step children that each parent would leave their will to their own children (or nephews, nieces etc.) unless they had been raised as your or their own.

It’s pretty standard to have a clause that the outliving spouse can continue to live in it until they die, on which it’s sold and their partners half goes to their children

Fromthebirdsnest · 25/04/2020 00:07

Bit harsh towards your step daughter , its your parents money not yours , make a will or it will default to your husband ... X

Hanfulofdust · 25/04/2020 00:08

You obviously need professional help to draw up a will. Lots of us could make suggestions from what you've said but without professional help the likelihood of the will not actually being binding is fairly high. Just speak to a solicitor explain the situation and have the draw up a proper will.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 25/04/2020 00:09

You absolubtely have to make a will - if you die first he might leave everything to his DD - but you need a solicitor, not mumsnet.

furling · 25/04/2020 00:10

Make a will and tell your husband. What you want to do is not at all unreasonable, but it would be unkind to let it come as a surprise to him.

Isadora2007 · 25/04/2020 00:11

When you inherit- can’t you gift it to your children at that point with a small token amount to SD to just be a decent human? Like £500-1000 if it’s a decent amount you’re going to inherit?

IdblowJonSnow · 25/04/2020 00:12

If I was married to someone who felt this strongly against any children from a previous marriage i think it would be over.
Unless the step child had done something awful. I suspect my parents may leave one of my sisters less money than the rest of us and I'm dreading dealing with that. Hope I'm wrong.

Disquieted1 · 25/04/2020 00:12

A will ain't worth shit if you die first. You can't cut your spouse out, irrespective of what your will says the spouse is the default and rightly so.

Give it to your kids before you die.

CoconutLime · 25/04/2020 00:13

I think if you married when your step daughter was young then this is something that will cause lots of friction but ultimately, it’s your decision. If she was an adult when you married, then I think this is completely understandable.

Either way, a good solicitor will be able to sort this all for you.

Seeingadistance · 25/04/2020 00:13

When you die. Not if.

And yes, go to a solicitor and make a will. Probably wise to have a chat about it with your DH and have a chat about both your plans and wishes.

Qgardens · 25/04/2020 00:14

Easiest if your parents bypass you, and leave it in trust for your kids.

CoconutLime · 25/04/2020 00:15

I personally think that a time when your children and loved ones are grieving is not a time when you want to add the stress of them having to deal with a disgruntled step sister. Please think about that before making your final decision on this.

Tinty · 25/04/2020 00:15

Are you going to make sure your SD gets a third of whatever you husband leaves if he dies before you? Or are you going to inherit all his money then leave it all to your 2 DC?

I think you should both make wills leaving your money fairly to all 3 DC. Yours to your 2 DC and his shared between all 3 of them, but none left to you. That would be the only fair way, right?

FortunesFave · 25/04/2020 00:15

Put it in trust for your children now OP....go and see a solicitor.

Nanny0gg · 25/04/2020 00:16

A will ain't worth shit if you die first. You can't cut your spouse out, irrespective of what your will says the spouse is the default and rightly so.

What?

orlarose · 25/04/2020 00:16

You will need a will. Or pp suggestion of a trust for your DC is sensible as this would bypass any trouble between you and your DH about why you're leaving SD out.

Livingoncake · 25/04/2020 00:17

@Fromthebirdsnest

I don’t get why you’re saying “It’s your parents money not yours”? When OP inherits, the parents will be dead, so the money will then be hers, legally. Are you saying she should get her parents’ approval before making decisions about the money? Confused.

Soontobe60 · 25/04/2020 00:19

Is the stepdaughter the half sister to your children? If so, there could be a chance that they would give some of your money to her if you don't leave her any.

Just make a will. In it, you can add a bit that specifies 'any monies inherited from my parents to be split equally between my children X and Y' then split the rest of your estate up however you please. You don't even need to tell your DH what's in your will!

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