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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do not want SD getting my money if I die

151 replies

Preparefortheflaming · 24/04/2020 23:42

I’m fully prepared to be flamed for this. I have an adult step daughter who doesn’t like me and the feeling is mutual. I have 2 DC with my husband. I stand to inherit some money from my parents eventually and I want to make sure that the money from my family does not pass through to my step daughter. This means if I die before my husband I think I need it to go directly to my 2 DC. Is that how it’s done? This is what I want and I don’t care for opinions on how wicked I am I just want to know how is best to do it. Thanks

OP posts:
Kraejka · 25/04/2020 09:35

I'd get your parents to leave their estate directly to their grandchildren.
Then you make a will dealing with your assets which should include provision for DH and your daughters so that they are financially secure. Your DH can choose to will the assets he inherits from you as he wishes so this would mean a part going to your step-daughter presumably.

Get in touch with a solicitor to get some proper legal advice on this.

Original poster
Preparefortheflaming · 25/04/2020 09:39

Coronavirus has made it that little bit more possible that my parents and I could die within a short time of each other. My dh is older than me but it also means there is more possibility I could go first. No one knows in these times what’s going to happen and all usual situations are out the window! Our DC are teens and my sd is mid twenties. She will inherit from her DM and is the only grandchild for her maternal grandparents. My parents do not want their money going to SD either. She isn’t particularly liked in my wider family. The reasons for this are a side issue but let’s say she’s a very self absorbed, pushy and abrasive individual whom has put a few backs up in the family but she never takes any responsibility for anything she says or does. My Dh and I do not own property. My parents own a few. I’d love if my parents would leave the property and money directly to our children but I don’t think my parents are organised enough to get it done. I don’t for one minute think my husband would cut out his 2 youngest children in favour of the eldest but I don’t want her benefitting in any way from my parents hard work when she treats me the way she does and she has no regard for my parents either. Recently one of my family sadly passed away. She didn’t so much as send her condolences. This family member was good to her and she didn't even pretend to give a toss. Anyway I thank you all for your comments so far and yes I will speak to a solicitor but was interested in seeing if anyone has any experience in this. My DH knows how my sd and I feel about each other - on her part it’s resentment of me and on mine it’s because of her behaviour. He agrees with me that she is in the wrong but of course he has the unconditional love and I don’t. We married 10 years ago so she was beyond me being a “mother” to her in any way. I wouldn’t dis inherit my husband but I only want her inheriting from his assets not mine or my parents.

OP posts:
LonelyFromCorona · 25/04/2020 09:42

Ask a solicitor. Your husband will be able to inherit your half of everything no problem. You can leave it in a life interest trust (Google this phrase to find articles explaining them) with your DC as the ultimate beneficiaries. If you pop your clogs your DH will get your half of the house and be able to use it until he dies. Then it passes onto your children. So stepchild will not get any of the money from your half of the house.

A solicitor will be able to explain further and do a will for a few hundred pounds. Might seem expensive but then you have the peace of mind...

Rain1 · 25/04/2020 09:50

You've been married for 10 years but your shared DC are teens so you must have been on the scene for longer than that. How old was SD when you got together? 10 years old or so? Still pretty young.

cansu · 25/04/2020 09:51

Why not make it so that
Your estate passes to your dh.
On his death, the estate is divided into 3, each child gets a share. your sd has a legitimate claim on her father's estate.

If you want to ringfence the money your parents leave you, you could put just this amount into a trust for your two kids. However, your dh might then decide to do similarly if he inherited from his family.

My mum remarried when we were adults and their will divides their assets in two, half goes to me and my sister, half goes to his children. Of course in your case, she will inherit more than your two.

saraclara · 25/04/2020 10:01

People seem to be missing that the OP is only talking about the money that will come from her own parents. She's not saying that the SD won't get anything at all if she dies.

If your parents don't have the capability to organise leaning their estate to your daughters instead of you, OP, then your will needs to ring fence the amount that your parents leave you. But of course you won't know that amount until they die.

But yep, book a video call with a solicitor.

PrimeroseHillAnnie · 25/04/2020 10:10

I think mutual antipathy between step parents and siblings is quite common. My fathers second wife was the OW and played just as big a part in causing widespread unrest and difficulty as he did and yet I was supposed to treat her with respect and show deference. It wasn't until I was sixteen before I able to assert myself fully and express my revulsion for them both. That was the last conversation I had with them and I have no idea if they are alive or dead, and care even less.

Nottherealslimshady · 25/04/2020 10:18

Well then you need to make a will. I dont think you should be expected to give your money to an adult who doesn't like you just becuase you married her dad. I'd say if you die first its split three ways your children and husband. If he dies first everything of yours goes to your kids. He can arrange for a portion of his to go to his kid when he dies if he wants.

PetraDelphiki · 25/04/2020 10:31

FWIW I think if your parents Die but have wills leaving stuff to you you can apply for a variation to change the beneficiary to your kids...all other beneficiaries of the will would have to agree but that’s unlikely to be a problem if you are just changing where your share goes. So even if they won’t write wills leaving stuff to your dc it’s still sortable!

Also you can write your own will to leave your half of everything to your kids with your dog having a lifetime interest in any property- but you would need to hold property as tenants in common (not joint) otherwise he gets the house totally. That’s what we have done to avoid what happened to Frangipani happening to dd...you never know how people will behave with a new spouse on the scene...I trust dh implicitly to do the right thing for dd but any Future new wife? Not a chance!!!

PetraDelphiki · 25/04/2020 10:31

Oh and talk to a solicitor!!!

PetraDelphiki · 25/04/2020 10:32

Dh having a lifetime interest not dog!!! Bloody autocorrect

Pelleas · 25/04/2020 10:40

you can write your own will to leave your half of everything to your kids with your dog having a lifetime interest in any property

On a thread that was generally making me feel sad, that little typo brought a smile to my face.

PianoTuner567 · 25/04/2020 10:45

Why not make it so that
Your estate passes to your dh.
On his death, the estate is divided into 3, each child gets a share. your sd has a legitimate claim on her father's estate.

The DH could change his will after the OPs death though, to something different.

NellMangel · 25/04/2020 10:51

Yes I think you need a will that states how much to give your DC otherwise it would all go to DH.

Beautiful3 · 25/04/2020 11:04

You can set up trusts for your children.

Kraejka · 25/04/2020 11:08

I’d love if my parents would leave the property and money directly to our children but I don’t think my parents are organised enough to get it done.
So talk to them about it and explain what could happen if they don't get it done. If they don't want SD inheriting what they have worked hard for then they should change their will accordingly.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 25/04/2020 11:24

On a thread that was generally making me feel sad, that little typo brought a smile to my face

haha! me too

"the courts have decided that Mr Pickles, the yorkshire terrier should receive the bulk of the estate" lol

TeacupDrama · 25/04/2020 11:25

her parents may not want to give it directly to grandchildren because
a) OP may need the money herself, to supplement her pension, or to buy a property she can ring fence her share by giving DH a life time interest in her half of house,
b) they want OP to spend money on what she needs now or to save it for what she might need later
c)the grandparents may feel that their grandchildren are too young to inherit and may waste it at 18

it is perfectly possible for OP to inherit and write a will so that any money left from the inheritance goes to her DC if she buys a property it is simple to own property as tenants in common each owning 50% or whatever and disposing of their share as they like in will giving the other party a lifetime interest in the property including downsizing
this is not disinheriting spouse I imagine they have other possessions like cars and furniture and pensions if not savings she is not suggesting her spouse would not get her pension as a widower just that she wants to ensure whatever cash comes from her parents if it remains unused either in full or in part her children get it

what is true that this can't be done without writing a will

user1487194234 · 25/04/2020 11:54

People saying on 2nd death everything goes to x should bear I mind the survivor could make a new Will

Nonnymum · 25/04/2020 12:01

I wouldn’t dis inherit my husband but I only want her inheriting from his assets not mine or my parents.
You need to see a solicitor but I think if you die before your husband and leave your money to him, when he dies he can leave that money to whoever he wants including his daughter. So if you don't want her to benefit from your parents money you will need to leave it to your children.

Ellmau · 25/04/2020 12:02

That's why it has to be left in trust, @user1487194234. The beneficiary for life can't change who gets if after their death.

user1487194234 · 25/04/2020 12:10

Yes I agree
Was talking about where it is not left in trust
IME clients aren't over keen on trusts

Billben · 25/04/2020 12:14

but I don’t think my parents are organised enough to get it done

Well, you need to sit down with them and get the ball rolling. No way would I be leaving my hard earned money for a person I disliked. My in-laws have updated their wills very very recently because my BIL is divorcing at the minute and they don’t want anything going to the soon to be ex-DIL and her children if they were to die. This corona virus malarkey has just added to the wills to be changed ASAP.

TeacupDrama · 25/04/2020 12:24

if you are only given a lifetime interest in something you can't sell it and give away proceeds or leave it to someone else
some lifetime interests in a property include down sizing but when property is sold either because they die or to pay carehomes fees the people who are entitled to get the proceeds of the trust then get it

GrumpyHoonMain · 25/04/2020 12:30

If you feel that strongly set up an account in each of your child’s names and just transfer the money into them. It would then belong to them so your SD would have no rights to it. However, be prepared for your DH to do the same with his assets - if he has more then your kids would be screwed over.