Do not want SD getting my money if I die

[Preparefortheflaming]

I’m fully prepared to be flamed for this. I have an adult step daughter who doesn’t like me and the feeling is mutual. I have 2 DC with my husband. I stand to inherit some money from my parents eventually and I want to make sure that the money from my family does not pass through to my step daughter. This means if I die before my husband I think I need it to go directly to my 2 DC. Is that how it’s done? This is what I want and I don’t care for opinions on how wicked I am I just want to know how is best to do it. Thanks

It depends on how much you trust your children and whether they are married etc.

One option would be to discuss with them and open an account each in their names and split the money between the two but on the understanding that the money is fir your use until you die. But then after you die the money us already in their name so wouldn't even be a question of wills, they'd already have it.

But this wouldn't work if either were married to someone you didn't trust.

The SD doesn't get to be disgruntled. If the OP isn't good enough to like then she doesn't get the benefit of her money.

I have a clause making sure my parents, uncle and half siblings get nothing in my will. All solicitor done and legal.

In France your not allowed to disinherit your children. But also your dc have a legal responsibility to help pay for their parents care in old age.
Much fairer all round imo.

Make a will leaving everything to you kids that you want them to have.
If you have a joint asset with dh (house typically), make provision in the will for him to live in the house for as long as he wants, or even buy a different house with the proceeds, but requiring him upon his death to split your half of that asset between your two kids. He can split his half of that asset three ways if he wants to to include the SD.
Our situation is slightly different (and I love my SS dearly) but that's what we did.

@FrangipaniBlue you might want to speak to a solicitor about whether you could challenge his will...I suspect not but worth a chat. I'm really sorry he did that to you, it must be really hurtful.

I agree with Judy - I earn significantly more than DH and have considerably more potential inheritance as parents are "well off". I was advised I couldn't leave DH nothing Especially as we have DC as he could contest on the reasonable provisions clause.

I was advised the following

• parents assets to be left in trust OR willed direct to NAMED grandchildren.

• my will to NAME the children specifically- if you leave it open with just "children" it could be construed this includes the step child. Means you have to update the will if you have more biological children

• if I die before DH then will stipulates what is to go to children. I earn a LOT more than DH so most of my assets are left to children with a request that funds be used to pay off any mortgage and the house would be owned by children and DH would have right to live their rent free until a certain time. DH left a lump sum to avoid the "reasonable provisions" clause - but not enough that I would be spinning in my grave if he remarried and then died before the new wife who might have her own kids and who would naturally favour her own in any division of assets (my will company actually rang me back after meeting with us as a couple to warn me of this and to make these amendments as we had the will drawn up when we married in our 20s so a second marriage was a real possibility if i was to die in my 30s or 40s)

FrangipaniBlue that is so awful. I can imagine you are thinking of just how far from what your mum would have wanted this is. FWIW, in my complicated blended family my mum and step-dad have gone to some lengths to prevent such a scenario ever happening, with wills preventing each other from leaving the whole estate only to the surviving spouse's biological children, but also with power of attorneys for each oldest child to protect their parent's interests. All sounds like something out of an episode of Dynasty but what they wanted was to avoid the exact scenario you now find yourself in.

For OP it sounds like the best option would be to have the parents will the money directly to their grandchildren as Weenurse suggested - but this is definitely one for a solicitor to advise on. And again not that unusual I think - my grandparents died in the last few years and left money to each of their own grandchildren but not to my step-siblings. Although we grew up together (albeit not in the same house full time) I don't think there would have been any expectation that they would have inherited from my mum's parents.

Best thing is for OPs parents to leave the money to their grandchildren and make sure it states this in their will now.

Agree, this seems easiest option and least hurtful.

Can you make a will for money you don't have yet?

Agree grandparents leaving it to grandchildren is best option.

Remember if you die your husband will be grieving and shouldn't have any surprises make sure he knows your plans.

Get professional advice from a specialist

Consider asking your parents to leave the money directly to their named Grandchildren.

Never assume that your spouse will do as you wanted/asked, without a legal framework which can't be overturned.

"I trust them" means bugger all when you are dead, and they may well be elderly and easy to influence.

Having your parents leave it directly to your children is the easiest way.

Second, realise that your assets are also legally your husband's

No - a common misconception based on what happens at the point of divorce. Assets received through inheritance, specifically, are not automatically joint assets, unless they are made that way by putting joint names ( through accounts, property purchase etc) If they are kept under sole ownership they remain that way unless, in the case of divorce, they need to be taken into account so as to provide reasonable and proportionate provision for both parties - and even then, depending on the rest of the marital assets , it may not require the entire amount.

If divorce is not being contemplated, any assets under your own name at any time are not jointly owned ie you don’t have to get any kind of legal agreement from them to dispose of them or use them and equally you don’t have the right to interfere with a spouses assets or income. ( If it can be shown that those assets are being hidden or moved in anticipation of divorce, that is another matter , but not in the common course of a marriage )

A spouse does not have the automatic right to enjoyment of an inheritance - unless it has been put into common use.

It is perfectly reasonable to take steps to ensure that your money goes only to your ‘bloodline’ and not to step children or, for that matter, to any spouses of your own DCs if they separate.

You need decent legal advice.

You say you want no flames and only legal advice- why on earth would you ask mumsnet for complex legal advice then? You need to speak to a solicitor, you know- a person who is actually qualified in probate law and not some random on the internet who is just guessing.

I'm constantly amazed people come on here asking for specialist medical or legal advice when they ought to be asking a professional

I personally think that a time when your children and loved ones are grieving is not a time when you want to add the stress of them having to deal with a disgruntled step sister. Please think about that before making your final decision on this.

Disgruntled about not receiving money from her stepmum? Are people really this grabby and self absorbed?

funinthesun19
20 years of practice in this area,oh yes they certainly can

See a lawyer and make a will, and add a clause in it to that effect.

As long as you would be happy to be cut out of your husbands will and everything left to his step daughter.

I think you need to see a lawyer to do this properly.

You should also inform your husband of your intent, so that he arranges his will accordingly. As I think it would be shitty if he doesn't make absolutely sure his dd inherits from him should he dies before you.

DH have recently made a will- if anything happens to us everything will go to our DC. However the solicitor asked us to think about what would do if anything happened to us as a family- where would we want the inheritance to go? We have no contact with DH's grown up children (my step children) so in that case my half of the inheritance I decided would go to my brother and his children.

nothing wrong with that as long as you’re prepared for the fact that your DH may re-organise his will and financial affairs in line with that. I’m sure both you and your dsd have valid reasons for disliking each other, but just don’t make it an all out war.

So you haven't even inherited it get but you're already planning on how to pass it on and make sure this girl doesn't get any?

Speak to a solicitor and make a will.
My step children will not inherit anything from my parents estate, nor will DH. That ‘portion’ goes only to my children.

We have just been in this position recently. DH's grandma died last year and for very clear reasons left her estate to DH and SIL and not to her 2 other grandchildren.

She had written into the will why she had come to that decision (nothing personally hurtful). The will was done with a solicitor and although DH's cousins were annoyed, the advice they were given by their solicitor was they should not pursue it because they would not win. The solicitor had a casefile of the notes she had made during the conversations of instructions for the will. There was no question about capacity. They tried a letter to our solicitor who responded very firmly and that was that.
The solicitor told us afterwards that she had advised DG writing into the will why she did it so it was clear it was a rational, considered decision and could not be misconstrued as 'well perhaps she was forgetful' or 'she had been pressured'. It was actually quite touching to read it and all to do with her being part of DH and SIL's family, seeing them almost every day , being looked after by them and their parents, holidaying with them etc, whereas the others lived hundreds of miles away and lost contact after their father died when they were small and their mother re-married 30+ years ago, and although she thought of them often she felt she wanted her estate to go to the two grandchildren who had been such a huge part of her life. She left them each £500 and the rest to DH and SIL- a substantial amount.

We felt bad at first but the solicitor said DG had been very clear about what she wanted and that everyone has a right to leave their estate as they wish and that she wanted it to go to DH and SIL.

You need a good solicitor.

You need a will trust for your assets on death. Your husband can still have access to the money if needed for you children’s and his living expenses, it needs to be agreed by the trustees so he can’t just spend it all. You can also put your share of the property into trust. You would make your children the beneficiaries whilst your husband can have a life interest. On his death the assets in trust become your childrens. And/or you can leave your children an inheritance, in trust until age 18/21/25 etc or an outright gift. You could gift whilst alive, which may with IHT planning if you live for 7 years after the gift. You need professional advice on your options and on implementing a will trusts.