To be emotional at the thought of not having another baby.

[m4mmy97]

Am I being unreasonable to get very emotional at the thought of not having another baby? My partner doesn't want another but I do. We only have one DS. I'm starting to think we shouldn't be together if we want different things? I don't know maybe I'm overemotional..

@peppermintcapsules I didn't mean to be sneery, obviously people want different numbers of children and if OP wanted to put potentially having another child over her marriage then fair enough.... but I don't see how it's any sort of moral value to have a certain number of children. People may well change their minds about what they expected their family to look like once they actually have children. And OP has said she won't get pregnant 'by accident' but people have expressly told her she should, which is devious.

And as for all of you saying you’d leave your partner if you wanted another and he didn’t..... so you’d split your existing child’s home for a future possible child?

I'd split because I couldn't be happy with someone who unilaterally took such a huge decision from me after we agreed otherwise. That would make me resentful and miserable and that's not a good relationship for anyone to grow up with.

And finally- it’s not just about want is it? Would you all leave your partners if they couldn’t conceive/carry another child?

That's not the scenario here. This is someone who changed his mind. Again, he's entirely within his right to do so. But he's equally responsible for the consequences of that as much as the OP is.

She's not married. The OP is not married.

OP, you are not married..why?

He has changed his mind..fine..you haven't.....deal breaker.

Move on.

We'd agreed to two, but due to a horrendous delivery where I nearly died, I stated quite clearly after that DD will almost certainly be an only because I'm not prepared to leave her without a mother. If DH decided to leave me over this I would be in pieces, but he understands where I'm coming from though it upsets him and I know he hopes I'll change my mind with time. If it were the other way round and he had trauma from the delivery and didn't want another because he didn't want to put me through that again, it would be the same. Its one of those things you have to discuss, and not something to just do on a whim.

OP is ignoring the questions about why her DP may have changed his mind.

OP said ages ago that DP didn't like the night feeds, but she would be happy to do them all. So she had already (at least partly) answered that question before it was asked.

It's perfectly reasonable for DP to change his mind after experiencing the reality, the same as it is reasonable to be very upset at the thought of never having another. It's a difficult situation. But being advised to trick him thankfully the OP is not considering that.

Threads like these do make me wonder how many women are with their partner just for what they can give them rather for who they are as a person.

No surprise some men feel unloved and used. And yes, I've been there not being able to have a child because of oh issues. Yes it hurt horribly but I lived my oh way too much to consider leaving him for a second. I got over my broodiness and am now very happy.

What if it was the other way round and your partner/husband left you and your existing children because you didn't want anymore children? Does that sound fair?

5gat or he left you because you had an accidental pregnancy but he really really doesn't want another one, so decides to find a sterilised woman to be his life partner?

Can just imagine what he would be called here!

I’m certainly circumstances I get how it would be upsetting/devastating, eg if you’d agreed before marriage to try to have three/four kids and then your husband said he wanted to stop after the first one.

But leaving the husband of your child because you want to have more children is still an extreme act. Just as a husband breaking the family by leaving his wife because he was unhappy with just one child would be an extreme act. Anyone trying to label such an act as not selfish, in the worst sense of the word, would have a hell of battle.
With the birth of a child comes huge responsibility - the days of purely chasing personal contentment/gratification may have to come to an end if it clashes with your child’s stability. “Man Up” as the phrase goes.

I feel for you OP, you said that you agreed on two, so why has he changed his mind?

I assume he’s also insisting on condoms if he is adamant he doesn’t want another child?

Trying to trick him into pregnancy would be bonkers. Considering whether someone with such different values is right for you isn’t.

I always find this debate hard as me and my partner are the reverse, he wanted Atleast 2 I knew this when we got together I only ever wanted 1 but left it open. After a horrible pregnancy and labour I said never again. I have no doubt he is disappointed, but he wouldn't leave me over it and is even getting a vasectomy to save me being on contraception forever.

Your meant to be a team, if your no longer that then leave but I have seen my freinds do this and I'm not sure they think it was worth throwing an amazing relationship away for another child. The planet could do with a few less anyway.

I'm sorry you feel betrayed but people are entitled to change their mind, that's life. You are blessed with one gorgeous child. Why not spend all that money in extra childcare and nappies on wonderful holidays with your little family!

At the end of the day you can either live with it or not but do not trick him into getting you pregnant but removing the coil and not telling him. Atleast tell him why your leaving. He deserver your honesty.

Threads like these do make me wonder how many women are with their partner just for what they can give them rather for who they are as a person

I wonder that too.

Threads like these do make me wonder how many women are with their partner just for what they can give them rather for who they are as a person

They make me wonder how many men aren’t truly honest when you’re at the “making plans” stage of the relationship.

I think vast numbers of men AND women were historically pressured into parenthood. In a dozen or more countries around the globe the birthrate is already below replacement level. Many men don’t want the monotony of family life and many women perhaps want children, but not at the expense of their career in their twenties early thirties and not with just “any old” husband (as they were previously pressured to accept).

I’m always confused by people who would so desperately want a second child they would risk only having 50% of time with their first when they ‘just leave’ to pursue the hypothetical second.

Yes I would probably leave over this.

I am of the "Every relationship runs it's course" frame of mind though and am quite old and possibly seen too much and become cynical

I wanted 2 or more before I actually got pregnant... I love DD and sometimes I miss having a tiny baby but mostly I can't face the feeling poorly and fatigue of pregnancy, the never sleeping of the newborn phase, I just don't want to do it all again. Luckily for me DH always wanted just 1 really (the suggestion of 2 was more of a compromise, I think he wasn't a to stick with 1 more than ever now though). I definitely understand changing your mind once you've faced the reality!
If I change my mind and want another I don't think I'll leave DH if he refuses. There are some advantages to having just 1 child like giving them your full attention, able to afford to do more now things as a family, not having to deal with sibling fights! I think just try to count the blessings of having an only

Mumsnet needs an edit post button... so much autocorrect fail. Hopefully the gist is understandable!

I can understand changing your mind too on how many dc you want after the shock of having a first; esp if you have a demanding baby or maybe have found it all abit harder than you thought.
I was very conflicted with having a second but I'm pleased i did it as the whole thing has been far easier this time around and flown over. Dc2 has ki8st fitted right in and the newborn face despite exhausting just flew over. I will however not be having a third as things are feeling normal again now, getting more sleep and I just want to concentrate on raising the 2 I have as toddlers arent easy and my saving grace is at least when dc2 is a toddler i wont also have a baby so things will get easier! I wont miss going back and pleased my dc are here and it is out the way as I had a bad pregnancy second time around as well!

just ^

phase*^

All for an edit button @TheGoogleMum