Should I really be this cool about their meet ups?

[theriverthames]

Is it normal for two friends and
Colleagues who have a non sexual but strong emotional history, to plan to meet up for a few days in his home city and then another few days in her home City over the summer when lock down ends?
Our own holiday has been cancelled and we have not discussed rescheduling yet, but they were organising their breaks this morning and dates have been set.
We are together two years and have had to stick together for lockdown.. which is going very well besides a few spats.
He lights up when he talks about her and each time he has a few beers or gets tipsy, he texts her how excited he is to see her again.
My mind may be overthinking . AIBU.

I'm not cool with it but I think I am expected to be.He has told me that if I don't like him having a close friendship with her, I can leave.

That's exactly what I'd do. I'd just pack up if you are at his and go. It's allowed. 'I'm not cool with it, so I'm through here. Goodbye.'

Maybe you could take advice from this remarkably similar post from months ago?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3806144-any-of-your-oh-s-possibly-in-love-another-woman

I think the senior position/age gap is a red herring btw.
I met DP at work , neither of us were married but I'm 15 years older than him, and I was his boss.

so when she’s visiting his home you ll be there too??

OP have you posted before? I remember something very similar. How often does this make you feel like this?

Yes some one went to the trouble of finding my post from January despite a brand new account(!) and having read it, nothing much has changed , perhaps magnified through the Pandemic. I still rent my own flat but through circumstances, I moved in at lockdown. I'm not sure what will happen when it is lifted.He has not asked me to move in permanently and give up my
flat yet.

I may not be there when she visits.I may be at my own flat or at work.

Mate!

Pack your stuff up (and your self respect) and go home!!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3828644-to-be-sick-of-partner-talking-about-colleague

This is you too, isn't it?
Why do you keep posting about the same issue? You keep getting the same advice.

Sounds like she's 44 and he's 34. It might be a decade difference but I don't see it as an impediment to a relationship. Both are established adults vs early 20s when people are still working themselves out. She clearly trumps you and I'd hazard a guess you're just a time filler while he works on getting a more serious relationship with her.

I'd be worried if you haven't been introduced.

And she will return to his for another two overnights at a different date

And are you expected to keep your distance? Or hang about like a third wheel while they ‘hang out’?

OP is not invited.

So, you've been together two years, but haven't met his closest female friend.
Fuck. That.
She's more important to him than you are.

This has nothing to do with your boyfriend and everything to do with you moving past your mental paralysis and indecision and learning to trust your gut and to act on that.

I thought this was familiar.

The age difference is unimportant. A sexy interesting 44 year old woman is partner material, not mummy/mentor issues.

He’s being so disrespectful of you OP. He has told you he values her over you (he told you directly if you’re not happy about their friendship you can walk - that is telling you his priorities).

OP
It's fine if you have posted before. These kinds of issues play with your head.

Have you asked to meet her?
What does he say?

I haven’t read your other post, but I’ve certainly gone away for weekends and on holiday with a good male friend who used to be a colleague. DH hasn’t really met him because, like the OP’s partner and his friend, we commuted long distances from opposite directions and lived very far apart, but he (rightly) trusts me and also has female friends he doesn’t sleep with. There isn’t the remotest sexual charge, but it’s a close, supportive longterm friendship. If I were single and a new boyfriend had issues with the friendship, I’d bin the boyfriend sooner than lose a friendship of ten years because of someone’s ungrounded sexual jealousy.

But obviously, only you can decide your own boundaries.

I work in a mixed sex office. I get on well with my male and female colleagues and 6 of us are in a WhatsApp group and post stuff when not at work. If one of my male colleagues and I started privately messaging each other and arranging to meet up for cosy weekends that would be weird. My husband got over intense with a female friend who stayed overnight once when I was away (I knew about it but he'd lied about how often they were in touch). Emotional affairs can develop quickly or slowly and ruin relationships. I'd be ditching him as I wouldn't want years of this nonsense and he has no intention of changing. Some women may be happy with a bloke doing this, I wouldn't be. You need to decide where you stand. He seems to have the power and money in your relationship

Why are posters here getting shirty because the OP has posted about this before??! It’s not about you, if you’re bored of the thread then just don’t respond.

In my experience the best thing you can do is pack up and leave. You’ll always feel anxious and suspicious about it otherwise. I confronted my exP about his ‘friendship’ and it turned out he was sleeping with her after telling me he wasn’t for a few years. Feel so much better now I live on my own with DD and call my own shots. Good luck.

So you’re wondering if he will ask you to move in with him permanently?

After all this OW stuff?

I’d be moving out toot sweet as he’s keeping you separate from her as he doesn’t want you two talking coz then you will both find out the truth about the two separate relationships you both have with him. Both probably involving sex. Or if not yet they soon will both be....

Talk about cake and eat it. He’s a chancer.

Dump and move on. He’s not that into you.

I don't believe that he is attracted to her but certainly thinks she is a great person.
He is online all afternoon on social media and. Messanger and it is not to me.
He is sitting in his chair smiling and
Giggling and when I asked him what's going on , he said it's just work stuff.He doesn't
Try to hide it. He is in contact with her every day claiming work reasons.

Why hasn’t he introduced the two most important women in his life to each other - ie you his gf, and her his best friend (or whatever).
There is no good reason why this has not happened.
Ihonestly think you have to face the truth that he’s hiding stuff from you and prioritising her.
You deserve better.