Should I really be this cool about their meet ups?

[theriverthames]

Is it normal for two friends and
Colleagues who have a non sexual but strong emotional history, to plan to meet up for a few days in his home city and then another few days in her home City over the summer when lock down ends?
Our own holiday has been cancelled and we have not discussed rescheduling yet, but they were organising their breaks this morning and dates have been set.
We are together two years and have had to stick together for lockdown.. which is going very well besides a few spats.
He lights up when he talks about her and each time he has a few beers or gets tipsy, he texts her how excited he is to see her again.
My mind may be overthinking . AIBU.

And that if he didn't have a relationship with his Mom, maybe that's what he was trying to replicate

Tell him:

Guess what, surpri-ise - I’m going too, won’t it be great, I can meet (insert woman’s name) I’ve heard so much about. I can’t wait. (To be said excitedly).

Watch his reaction. If the relationship is genuinely friends he should in theory be fine. But he won’t be. Because there’s more than friendship going on here. He doesn’t want you there spoiling his fun. It’s not normal. They’ll get pissed and shag by accident on purpose kind of thing. If they haven’t already.

I think if there is nothing go on he'd be happy for you to meet her. If that's not the case then you know he's not the one for you. Sorry but he's not that into you... perhaps he has a thing for her but she strings him along or something.

He is your partner,and he lights up at the very thought of another woman, hey yes, isn't he wonderful,(not). He also says that you can leave if you don't like his ways, Yes, best that you don't have to put up with this lack of respect from him.

I have a very close male friendshionwhich thankfully neither DH nor his DW are threatened by. We often (well maybe 6-8 times a year) go out for a long day out around a shared interest but never overnight out of respect and care for our partners.

This is by no means normal, OP. Get rid and leave him to his weird infatuation - you deserve better.

Lookup the story of Brigitte Macron @theriverthames

How old is he, and how old is she? Some gaps aren’t that much of a gap.

My reaction to this situation would be: Fuck. That.

I'd talk and act as if you've been invited, because why wouldn't you have been because it's so innocent. Talk about him meeting your close friends.
If he says you can't come then I'd say it's not as innocent as he makes out.

He had a close friendship with her before you were on the scene, why should he change it?

I am in the minority, but this wouldn't bother me. My dh has close female friends from when before we were together. They have become my friends too, but I was never remotely bothered in the early days if he went out for dinner with a female friend.

Yea....
I’d be binning that one off. If my OH was planning a holiday/break with another woman (regardless of their friendship/emotional history) before planning one with me, I’d think that spoke volumes about where I fell on his list of priorities.
But....if you’re ‘cool’ with it, good on ya!

Did you post about this before OP? He talks about her all the time and she’s like a ‘mentor’? She’s like 15 years older?

So, they work together, but they are also going to meet up in their home cities?
So, they're going away together?
Did I read that right?

Do they work for the same company in the same location?
And where are they staying when they are in their home cities?

‘If you don’t like it you can leave’ - what a charmer! He’s telling you that she comes before you.

She is ten years older.
He is very kind and lovely as a boyfriend
But he gets pissed off when any of his family or friends cancel plans or put him on the back foot ,when They meet partners. Maybe that is why he is touchy about his friendship with her.
He is34.

They work for the same company, same
Floor, same building. She is his senior. She commutes as does my partner.
In opposite directions, to different cities.They are WFH at the moment.
Their plans are to visit each other and spend time catching up and relaxing.Hang out.

He will go to her home for a weekend
And she will return to his for another two overnights at a different date

Sorry for the drip of posts. I'm trying to answer all questions thanks

The problem for me would be that you haven't met her. My husband has a very close female friend. Known her since they were teenagers. She lives close by. They go out drinking together etc but I am always invited. I hardly ever go, because it's not my thing. But I'm always invited. You should be too. If you're not it's dodgy as fuck.

The odd dinner out with an old friend- fine by me.

Planning and getting excited about having weekends away, just the two of them, in lock down- nope. Not fine by me.

OP
You can draw your boundaries wherever you want. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

But basically, when everything returns to normal, it won't be enough for them to see each other at work, or to catch up over coffee.
Instead, they are planning not one, but TWO weekends AWAY, TOGETHER?
Are you invited?

Jesus no way would I be second best!!! This is not a healthy normal friendship. You are not over reacting.

No I'm not invited. Although theynwill
Be spending the time In each other's homes, not a hotel or anything as such.

I'd walk , I'd have to , I'd find it so hurtful