to think this is far too lenient for a year 8

[DanishLady]

A family member has a 13 year old boy in year 8. He has just gone 'back' to school for the summer term, but still at home as his mum's not a keyworker. His mum is a stay at home mum although she is a single parent. Dad is nearby but not in the family home. She has other children at home but all older and able to look after themselves.

Throughout the last few weeks of last term and already this week, the boy is currently playing his computer games in his room until the early hours. He has always been allowed to do this on school nights, but now that he's not going into school he is sleeping in until 1/2pm each day. He then does "a couple of hours" of the online school work in the afternoon, which he has to be cajoled into doing, before starting up his games for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

AIBU to think this is awful? I know I'll probably get flamed on here for sticking my nose in, but I'm appalled. I haven't said anything IRL as they are related through my DH rather than my direct family so I've kept out of it.

I've read people saying we should be lenient and relaxed with kids at the moment due to the unusual and stressful circumstances, and I agree, but at the same time I do think this is too lenient and will set a really bad unhealthy precedent for him moving forward.

It's unusual but not your business 🤷‍♀️ there could be any number of other things going on.

It appears it's absolutely none of your business. My incredibly studious teen is sleeping late, still getting a few hours school work in and meeting all her deadlines. We are in unprecedented times. I have another DC with some mental health issues and their room and gaming is their safe place in all this chaos.

I wouldn't do it personally, I think we all need to hang on to some sense of normality to protect our MH but "lenient" is rather an odd choice of word that does suggest judgement rather than concern.

What do you think the actual problem is? What harm is it doing, and to who?

As you say, it’s not your concern and not your place so nothing you should be worrying about.

What do you think he should be doing? It's not like he can meet friends or go to clubs etc

Its up to his mother to say what is and isn't acceptable for her child in her own home regardless of whether other people think it's too lenient or bad. Lotd of people are just trying to get through the day in whichever way they can, it is absolutely none of your business.

You'll probably get plenty of posters piling on about how disgusting a parent your family member is though.

Year 8 is probably the one year when you really don't need to worry. My ds had a succession of supply teachers in Y8 and didn't really learn anything. OK I guess they still had a routine, but talk to the school about why they're not doing at least some video lessons (I know there's been a thread on this but if some state schools can do it, they all can, the "safeguarding" issues cannot be insurmountable).

If the boy is keeping up with his work, even if he has to be cajoled to do it, I can't really see the issue.

I haven't said anything IRL as they are related through my DH rather than my direct family so I've kept out of it.

So if he was related to you by blood you'd think it perfectly ok to stick your judgmental nose in?

Blimey.

If the work only takes "a couple of hours" to complete (which has been the case for my own children), does it really matter whether it's done in the morning or in the afternoon?

It really is none of your business.

He then does "a couple of hours" of the online school work in the afternoon

Im not sure why you put a couple of hours into quotation marks like that? But a couple of hours a day is all that needs doing right now, they aren’t being set 8 hours of work as if it was a normal school day.

I'm wondering whether this someone I know writing about my ds 🤣

Not that dissimilar to my own year 8 lad. He's not allowed to game until early hours but is lying in until 12/1 most days. He's been awarded student of the week this week so can't be doing too badly on that schedule. We drag him out for exercise but yeah he's spending a lot of time in his room on his computer.

Presumably you feel that this is harming him in some way. Perhaps you could explain what is being harmed and how. Is it his education you are worried about?

Why do you care?
High School kids are not getting enough works for a full school day. Do you think everyone’s kids are at their desk at 9am?
🙄🙄

So its your husband's ex then?

He then does "a couple of hours" of the online school work in the afternoon

DS is being set online school work, school are using their usual time table and are setting the tasks they would have been doing in school anyway with some adaptations to account for home not having the same resources as a school (e.g., Joe Wicks workouts are set for PE instead of swimming or rugby). Even though he has a full daily timetable of work, it isn't taking as long as an actual school day would take because a lot of school time is non-learning time - registration, assembly, break times, intervention times, moving between lessons, etc. It is also far quicker to explain a task to one child and answer their questions than it is to explain it to 30 children and field 30 questions followed by various disruptions for missing/lost equipment, silliness, toilet breaks, etc. We're managing to complete a seven hour school day in around three hours.

Well on mumsnet some are apparently @JKScot94😂but I always take everything I read on here with a pinch of the

Yes, yabu.

None of your business unless there is neglect of some kind. Which there doesn't appear to be.

Obviously it's not very 'Instagram mum', but who cares. Gaming isn't the worst thing. There's probably a social aspect to it. There's problem solving in there too.

What are you up to with your kids, as this is apparently appauling.

"So its your husband's ex then?"

I was going to guess at sister-in-law. SILs are the new MIL since the lockdown started. Every other thread seems to be judging them.

@JemimaPuddleCat ha! You may have spotted it!

He has two parents & teachers/school,what makes you think this is anyof your business ??

@Backtothenewme
Same, it does sound a little familiar op

I was assuming SIL as well, but could as easily be 'dh's Ex'. Clearly an Axe to grind whichever

Sounds like my household tbh. Youngest year 8. Though both children are in bed by midnight so no early hours gaming but I don't restrict screens at all. All work is being completed and one of her teachers actually contacted dd today to tell her good the work she's submitting is. We don't work in the morning, usually start at about one.

Maybe you're posting about me . I'd mind my own business if I were you.