to think this is far too lenient for a year 8

[DanishLady]

A family member has a 13 year old boy in year 8. He has just gone 'back' to school for the summer term, but still at home as his mum's not a keyworker. His mum is a stay at home mum although she is a single parent. Dad is nearby but not in the family home. She has other children at home but all older and able to look after themselves.

Throughout the last few weeks of last term and already this week, the boy is currently playing his computer games in his room until the early hours. He has always been allowed to do this on school nights, but now that he's not going into school he is sleeping in until 1/2pm each day. He then does "a couple of hours" of the online school work in the afternoon, which he has to be cajoled into doing, before starting up his games for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

AIBU to think this is awful? I know I'll probably get flamed on here for sticking my nose in, but I'm appalled. I haven't said anything IRL as they are related through my DH rather than my direct family so I've kept out of it.

I've read people saying we should be lenient and relaxed with kids at the moment due to the unusual and stressful circumstances, and I agree, but at the same time I do think this is too lenient and will set a really bad unhealthy precedent for him moving forward.

my DS is 6, I struggle with the whole home schooling thing, we probably do an hour or so a day, broken down into bite size chunks, we are also spending time together as a family and he's watching educational programmes when not working.
My DP seems to think I should have him tied to a desk from 9am. If we did this we would be stressed, tired and unhappy.
You really cannot judge - what is right for some, wont work for others. Nobody signed up for this, its a forced situation, id be inclined to say have some more understanding.
I agree with a PP, If there's one year that hat education wouldn't be so big areal,it would be year 8!

I don’t think it’s healthy. I think children should be doing more than playing computer games, and shouldn’t be on screens all day. It’s a battle with my 12 year olds, but one I feel is worth fighting.

And yet by the time they're adults and have a full time job, most of them will be on screens all day as part of their job.

My children bake, my dd makes clothes for her superhero figures, my ds builds card buildings for a London transport diorama and they are also writing a script together for a show they liked which they feel wasn't finished off properly so they're extending it. They'll build the sets and film it etc.

Just because I said I didn't restrict screen time it doesn't mean they're always on there but I don't restrict access and never have.

Couldn't help yourself, could you? Nasty little digs about mum being a single parent and not working....

Is it your child? Will said child come to any real harm sleeping late and going to bed late? Do you think she is bothered what you think?

I would wonder how you actually know that this is the case? Has his mum discussed this directly with you? Did she ask for support from you and your DH with this, or was it a general "he's always gaming and doesn't get up until lunch time" - which may be an exaggeration, or she may just be saying that because that's how it feels.

Or has his Dad mentioned it to you and your DH, perhaps exaggerating in order to have a bit of a moan about his ex? Presuming they are all well he will also be able to have his usual contact with his Dad, so is he trying to encourage some other activities?

Is he completing all the work set by his school? A couple of hours may be what is required. The children I know at secondary school are being monitored on what they do - work has to be completed and handed in, so I would think his teachers are keeping an eye on the work that is being done, although I appreciate that what schools are able to provide varies.

On line gaming can be beneficial at this time, for my DS (11) it is providing valuable contact with his school friends. Obviously all day every day into the early hours doesn't sound great though.

Gaming is how they stay in touch. We've taken pretty much every other joy from their lives. YABU

Why do you care? Mind your own business

None of your business, find a hobby.

Mine's year 9. She prefers a later start. She is set lessons as per timetable so 4 or 5 subjects a day but no actual live teaching. In a 1 hour real school lesson there would be teacher talking, discipline issues etc so not 1 hour work. DD has always tended to complete work quickly too eg when I've queried lack of homework sometimes the task was to finish what started in class but she's already done it in class. So DD completes tasks in less time. Half a day is probably right. Plus no PE, assembly, phse, form time etc. Doesn't matter if day is done 9-1pm or 1-5pm. Rest of time I'm sure most of their age are gaming, social media, you tube with exercise and maybe a bit of baking in the mix.

What are you doing with your own children OP?

I am single parent working full time from home with an 11yo to occupy.

I'm doing whatever I can to get my work done, keep the household running and hope that we are still talking to each other at the end of the day.

School work is NOT my priority.

I'm wondering whether this someone I know writing about my ds

Or mine. Personally we are preferring the limited work and no autistic meltdowns.

Yes, you are being unreasonable “to think this is far too lenient for a Year 8”.
All the work could be being completed in this time. It’s not your business.
So, as well as being unreasonable, you are being nosey and judgmental.
HTH

In answer to some of the questions:

I know it's none of my business. I knew I'd get flamed! I'm not mentioning it irl or anything but asking for a consensus on here out of interest in case I've lost the plot. Maybe I have! But I don't think it's healthy. I feel like it's damaging the boy. DH is really close to him and mentors him a bit with his school work (in normal times), and I feel like this is a slippery slope which isn't going to help him do well at school in the future.

A lot of the responses on here mention being more flexible at the moment, which I agree with, but it still sounds like your kids are in bed by midnight and up at a more reasonable hour. He is gaming until 4/5/6am. I have just spoken to the Mum on the phone and he is still in bed which prompted me to question this.

To answer the question above, I know this is the case because his mum has told me. He is not completing the online work that's been set, according to his mum. They are supposed to do more than 2 hours per day.

I don't think it's healthy.

I dont have my kids doing school work for a bulk "school day" I dont have that much to do with them anyway. Other than him getting on not such a good routine that he will have to get out of I dont see the issue

Are you an early riser op? My Mum is. Me and DD are night owls. She keeps commenting on fact DD is in bed, querying about school. She thinks up early is superior and wasting day if not. I've just had a phone conversation (again) saying it makes not one jot of difference if DD works afternoon or evening. I don't care when she does it as long as she does it. Obviously it would be different if there were live school classes via zoom but there aren't.

mind your own bloody business! i’ve scrapped screen limits for both my boys so they do spend a lot of time watching tv or on the playstation, but so what? what else do they have to do? poor little sods are stuck in the house, why make their lives harder by denying them something that makes them happy? they do a couple of hours of school work a day, go for a long walk with the dogs, then they are free to do what they want. admittedly i’m one of those slap dash no routine to speak of sort of mothers that some people on mumsnet really don’t like 😂 but with 3 kids and 1 on the way in a few weeks i really don’t have the energy to be arguing about bloody screen times. you just sound snobby and judgmental because shock horror she’s a single mum who doesn’t work.

We all need to cope with things the best way we can, but that does seem an awful lot of screen time - and very little work.

My Yr 8 and Yr 11 kids are having a full school day via Microsoft Teams. Sign in at 8.40.

I'm surprised at how much variation there is!

Not much you can do though- it's up to his parents.

Of course playing games all day everyday is bad for you. There is a large amount of research on the effect on the brain especially in young people.
She’s being a rubbish parent. It’s not your business or mine but Mumsnet wouldn’t have many threads if we all just stuck to our own business.
Obviously don’t say anything though.

So this is your step son your refering to right?
Do you have a 13yr old son? Have you raised a teenage boy? Quite frankly, if they are healthy and happy then it's none of your business. Right now, especially with teens stuck at home, it's all about survival

Unsure why this is anything to do with you?

Absolutely none of your business.

Oh god, keep your judgy nose out.

My DS sleeps in til about 9.30 then does his learning online til about 12, has a break, bit more learning til about 3 then he fannies about til bedtime. It's more than some, not as much as others but it suits us and he's happy with that. This is hard for kids right now and really, this has absolutely fuck all to do with you, everyone is just doing what gets them through right now.

Lol my kids aren't getting up till lunch time and they're going to bed a bit later. Not gamers tho but they do watch stuff on their phones etc. They complete all their school work in a couple of hours (and they do it all, the y10 does each lesson individually she just doesn't need to wait for the other kids etc which is what takes up most of the time in her usual school days and my y5 needs a lot of help but she still does all the tasks set within a few hours). I don't see the harm

In itself, and with no other information, it sounds a bit excessive - but it couldn't be less of your business, OP.