Red hair child

[bibbidibobbididoo12]

I have 2 red head girls age 7 and 9.
Both have started to questions about their hair.
Today one of my children asked is having red hair a bad thing.
Obviously I asked her why?
She explained in a book she was reading when they described a character they used all negative words such as 'fat, ugly and had red hair'.

I am constantly telling them how beautiful their hair is and other people regularly tell them.
But both girls have started saying people are just it to make me feel better about our hair colour.
It's a catch 22 situation.
The oldest girl has been bullied and called ginger idiot and you can't play with us because you have ginger hair.

The whole thing just makes me really sad.

I don't know what to say to them?
Do I say in the past people used to think ginger hair/red hair was not as nice etc or not even tell them that? Then they ask Why did they say that?

Pippi Longstocking was also a kick arse, red headed literary heroine.

Do you travel much OP? Obviously after this situation, maybe a trip to the continent or the US, South America, anywhere but the UK basically. Could be a plan and a culture shock in a good way for your girls.

I reminisce back to biology class about chromosomes. I think it was what gave eyes and hair colour. Red heads and blue eyed people were apparently weaker.

I'm sure I read once that blue eyes were a genetic defect but I think blue eyes are quite prized by society.

Thinking about red hair it's weird there are so many negative views on it, what's it based on?

I have red hair. I was never bullied and I always thought it was great being different (early 40s now). I don’t know how that happened. My mum always told me it was great to be different and who would want to be the same as everyone else. I believed her. I have never dyed my hair a different colour I love it. I think it helped that I was a head strong quick witted child that wouldn’t have taken any rubbish from anyone. But I think my confidence came from believing I was great because I was different.

I think it’s a really hard to navigate though. I have 3 boys. They are all dark haired. I’m a bit gutted as I’d always assumed I’d have a red head! Children can be so mean and cruel but actually it’s so regularly said on tv and so unfortunately it is a pretty wide perception. And there will sadly always be stupid people have nothing better to think or say than perpetuate this crap.

If you can build her confidence from the inside and hopefully that will help deal with it.

Its absolutely disgusting, as is all discrimination. I think all you can do is help your daughters to be resilient and able to defend themselves. Bullies tend to steer clear of targets that will put them in their place.

It must be really hard for you OP

Unfortunately I think if something is rare it's either prized or vilified.

This county sadly goes for the base interpretation.

It would be so interesting to find out the root of it though (no pun intended).

Show them the Disney film Brave.

That's the conundrum.

I'm a red head.

Mine was really ginger as a child. But then as I've got older it's gone Auburn. I've been asked many times which hair dye I use. I get lots of compliments.

Unfortunately kids latch onto things like red hair, glasses and freckles. But they are all things that are beautiful and they will see that as they get older.

Show them some beautiful red haired celebrities.

Karen Gillian
Tiffany from EastEnders.
Nicola Roberts

Amy Adams
Isla fisher
Julianne moore
Deborah messing
Lily Cole.

Red is fiery and beautiful. Keep telling them that it's good to be different.

As my daughter was being born I asked "Is the baby blonde?". I wasn't sure I could bond as well with a blonde baby - I'm dark haired as is my family (or they are red haired) apart from a few outliers , DH is blonde. Secretly- a bit I'm not too proud of - I am delighted that dd is one of only two or three proper dark haired girls in her class. The rest were various versions of blonde and, in the dark corner of my head where this thought is, indistinguishable from each other.
Which, I hope shows how nasty and stupid this is.

I've had a lot of grief over the years being ginger. Primary school was your usual 'carrot top' taunts, which I was fine with. Tbh, primary didn't phase me at all; secondary school was ALOT worse. I was literally bullied for having ginger hair, spit at, name calling etc.

However, it just kind of dawned on me that the only bad thing people said about me was about my hair; you get to a point where you hear it that much, you kind of judge the persons level of originality.

Im 31 now and STILL get stuff said about my hair colour and I'm just over here like - yep not heard that one before .

My advice to you is continue being supportive telling your girls that their hair is beautiful, be there for them when they have really rubbish days and hate it.

If someone says to them 'nope youre not playing with us because youre ginger' tell them its ok to say 'what does my hair have to do with playing'?
Kids can be cruel but they aren't stupid.

My 15 year old dd has red hair. She has been teased throughout her life about it. There have been numerous occasions I could recount. When she was a baby, I was at the supermarket and the woman behind the checkout told me not to worry, I could always dye it when she's older. At school, she's had lots of name calling, including by teachers, one of whom used to call her 'carrots'. She has also been told she must be adopted because neither myself or my husband have red hair. She came home in tears one day and asked me who her real mum was because she's been told I couldn't possibly be. Oh and she's been kicked on 'kick a a ginger' day.

What upsets me, is just how acceptable it seems to be. I have lost count of the number of people who have made comments about her hair. My other daughter is blonde, she has never had the same comments made about the colour of her hair. It seems ok to point to out your child has red hair and you might not have realised.

Now, she dyes it a few shades darker and is happy with that. I hope she embraces it when she gets older but, for now, I understand the reasons why she wants to do this but it does make me feel sad.
Her hair is so beautiful, it falls into ringlets and the colour is rich and actually made up of many different shades. She looks a lot like Nicole Kidman did when she was younger. I hope when she's older she sees it is a gift rather than a curse.

Because of the violence of the Vikings who were predominantly Red-headed

Back in the 19th century, red hair in men was associated with either weakness or (oddly) being Jewish (think Fagin in Oliver TWist).

Red hair in women was associated with being a "loose" or "fallen" woman.

It's weird because red hair is so absolutely genetically northern European. Truly truly Angles, Nordic, Viking, and Germanic (Saxon).

@halfbakedkate this is awful. Your poor daughter. She will get the last laugh though because it's a gorgeous colour and as an adult she will see that.

I get nothing but compliments on mine x

Its a british phenomenon. Ive lived in the us, india and denmark but only experienced negativity in the uk. And it wasnt just childhood bullies. Ask non redheads if theyve ever had a stranger come up to them on the street, or even just shout in passing and comment on the colour of your pubes. Weirdly no one believes me. Why would i make THAT up?!

Red hair is beautiful. It's sad that kids can be cruel about it but when the girls are older their friends will be so jealous at their amazing hair. Unfortunately in my forties I still get called 'ginge' and I'm not even really red headed anymore but you do just laugh at it as you get older which spoils the fun anyway.

Oops too soon. All I would advise OP is to keep supporting her in the ways other posters have suggested.
I just wanted to let you know, I do completely understand your frustrations and how unbelievable it is that these attitudes still seem to be socially acceptable.

Op, if you don’t already have it then do get a copy of Red by Jacky Colliss Harvey, a brilliant book celebrating the history of red hair.

By the way, being rssolutely anglo-saxon since about the 1500s, we have quite a few redheads in several generations in my family. I'm very blonde, but always envied my brother's red hair. Of course, his rather stupid wife maintains their DD is a "strawberry blonde". Er no, she has glorious thick red hair - and pale white skin and violet-blue eyes. She's hit the genetic jackpot as far as I'm concerned!

It is totally genetically European which just makes you think those that are prejudiced are thick as shit.

One out of my three has red hair. He;s never had any negative comments because of it, maybe because we're in Scotland and it's more common - he's one of three in his class of 30 with red hair.

Bullying children because of any physical characteristic is never acceptable. Red hair is awesome.

Weve always called our dd ginger ninja. Shes grown up with it, it's her normal, so ginger is no longer an insult now. She laughs it off.

I think red hair is beautiful! I think the rot set in when people started calling redheads that dreadful word 'ginger'. That is the problem!

@Lexijayde44 thank you, that's really kind. I hope she does realise how lovely it is when she's older.

Sorry if someone has already posted this but is there any reason why they’re bringing it up at the moment?

They’ve been out of school for weeks now (assuming you’re in the UK) so they won’t have been around anyone who has previously been negative about their red hair.

I’d also like to know the title of the book - I work in a school and would make sure we avoid having that book in school.