My mum is about to give up

[Daybyday89]

One second, let me brace myself for all the crap this thread may receive

My mum is 51 and is in the high risk category (she has Crohn’s disease). I’m sure most of you know the rules when it comes to vulnerable people - not aloud to leave the house for anything not even exercise, etc. I’ve been doing her shopping as she’s struggled to get a delivery slot for online shopping and I think that way is safer to be honest as at least I know where I’ve been - nowhere!

Anyway, I was on the phone to my mum earlier today and she was telling me how she’s starting to not care. She has been taking extra precautions, ie. putting gloves on to bring in deliveries and disinfecting them, leaving them for a few days before opening etc (some would say extreme, I know) she hasn’t left the house in 5 weeks now. She’s been made redundant and she lives alone. I feel so sorry for her. My heart breaks when I think of her. What makes things worse is, I’ve just had a baby (shes 6 weeks old) and my mum is missing out on her growing up. I send her pictures of course and we face time everyday but my mum admits that its so hard for her that she can’t be with us and it’s so hard for me too. She told me that she’s stopped putting her gloves on to bring in deliveries, she’s stopped disinfecting them, she just doesn’t care anymore and that she wants to see me and the baby. I’ve not encountered anyone and I’ve not been anywhere either, except for shops and out for exercise but I don’t come into contact with anyone! I cross the street when I see people, etc. I know, there is supposed to be a high chance of catching this virus whilst out shopping and I wouldn’t know if I’ve got it, not necessarily for another 10-14 days.

Basically, AIBU by visiting my mum with the baby?

Please go easy on me! If I’m being stupid by even suggesting this, then I won’t do it. I don’t want to put my mum at risk.

You're allowed to combine households, especially to help vulnerable people

If your DP is on board, go for it !
Work out who sleeps where, storage for her clothes & bits, but you can make it work if you want to

Then of course, once you & DP have agreed you can do it, ask her

Children are at v v low risk, even babies, so she really is not enndangering you

Combining households and shielding
is less risk than going to and fro and not shielding
Probably less work in the end, too

It is also MUCH more supportive for your mum, because she'd have company all the time and not at 2 meters

Move your mum in, she's not been anywhere in the last 5weeks so you know that she's posing no risk to any off you, I think her MH and yours as your going to be worrying about her out way any risk.

As long as DP agrees I don't see a problem with it

Even if she does move in with you she needs to stay away from you in a different room most of the time and eat separately and use a different bathroom or disinfect after people have used it.
Read the shielding letter closely as in her own house she can wander about but she can't hold the baby or hug you in the same house.

In your situation op, I'd 100% offer to move DM in with you for the duration of this. It really sounds like her mh is struggling, and I think due to the lack of outside contact you've all had, risk of transmission would be negligible. Would make a really horrible time actually into a really lovely one for her to look back on. The bond she'll be able to form with your newborn, and having her their to help, will also give her a new sense of worth and I can imagine will boost her spirits tremendously. So long as she understands, once she moves in, she must stay for the duration, no nipping out/back home etc, I really see nothing wrong with this, and would put a really positive spin on this for your family unit. I'm in a similar situation, and would love nothing more than to do the same, unfortunately my DM has an elderly cat and dog, and we have our own dogs, so there is no way to combine our households. She is also feeling extremely lonely and down, and I absolutely hate the thought of her all by herself. We usually see her 3-4 times a week, she's always here helping out with the children/housework/DIY, as she loves keeping busy, and now she's stuck at home with nothing to do. It breaks my heart. She misses the children so much, and I'm not sure how long we can carry on with non contact before it really takes its toll on everyone's mental health.

Chrons does come under shielding
What a moronic discussion. These things vary a lot with different levels of severity, different treatments and different limitations and side effects. It depends. 'comes under shielding' indeed...

It may be against the rules, but it looks as if she will end up breaking them anyway if you don't. I had a socially-distanced lunch with my parents the other week as I needed to get something for work from their garage.

However, she likely still has 30 years left in her, so if you could somehow get that across it would be ideal. This is only the start of her relationship with her granddaughter who won't even remember this stage. Would be a shame to throw it all away for the sake of what will be a blip in the long term.

I'd virtually combine your households (without moving in) if she cant move in with you

As long your family takes the same precautions as if you were living with her physically and isolate from rest of world, I dont see why not. There must be other shielded people in households with multiple people.

@WombatStewForTea thank you for that link, it’s a game changer here. I have Crohn’s and am on azathioprine and amgevita, and have been told to shield, but your link is saying otherwise :) I’ll contact my ibd nurse today to confirm, but thank you.

@WombatStewForTea
Thank you x

pretty sure Crohns is classed as Moderate (being a sufferer for over 25 years myself and 2 bowel resections later)

She would only be 'High' risk if she had other underlying illness/diseases I would imagine.

I’m seeing more and more people saying ‘fuck it, this isn’t meaningful life- I’ll take the risk’

And this is a massive issue. I guess there has to be a balance for those who cannot cope and sliding into very dark places. It’s up to the rest of everyone who aren’t and can cope to do their best to isolate so that those who are struggling beyond belief can get the help they need- whether that is by having some outside time or by seeing loved ones