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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil desperate to see DS

84 replies

Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 18:48

And really starting to annoy me with it....
Constant texts asking if we need anything (as excuse to come round)...
Or 'we must meet up soon'

She found a baby walker on someone's drive for free and picked it up for DS who's 18 months... 1. About 10 months too late for a baby walker... He's running now!
And 2. I'm not having anything in my house I don't know where it's come from.
She got the right hump about that answer.

Every day she texts both me and my OH about it.
Shes a nurse, working in a hospital, as am I so we don't need any more risk... And incase you don't read the news, the country is on lockdown!!!
The answer is no... And will remain no until lockdown is lifted!!

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2020 18:50

You should be grateful she still cares. Not many would with a reply like what you gave her.

Jammysod · 20/04/2020 18:51

YANBU.
I understand it must be hard for her missing her grandchild, but she needs to look at the bigger picture.
Just reiterate, politely, that she can't see him at the moment then ignore any other requests.

TidyDancer · 20/04/2020 18:51

Yeah. I can't help but wonder what your tone is with her. Your post is making it sound really like you don't care for her. She might be slightly misguided but she is a grandmother missing her grandchild. Hardly a crime.

Saucy99 · 20/04/2020 18:52

You sound like a real charmer

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/04/2020 18:54

No, you’re right. The advice is clear. She shouldn’t be coming round. End of story.

My kids would love to see their gps and their gps are missing them too. But we understand the risks.

NoSauce · 20/04/2020 18:56

Has she actually asked to come round and come in your house to see DS?

Daftodil · 20/04/2020 18:57

I wouldn't want a babywalker of unknown origin in my home at the mo, particularly when it is not suitable for your child's needs. She hasn't lost out on anything - it was free - so no need to get so upset by you saying no.

But... she is obviously missing contact with her grandchild and it's horrible time for everyone right now, so if you can cut her some slack, do. Could she read him a bedtime story over Facetime or something so that she gets the regular contact she's after? Or could you skype and bake the same recipe or something so she feels she is interacing with him more?

LochJessMonster · 20/04/2020 18:59

I would also love to see my family. But I can’t. And neither can she.

Send a final message- ‘we are all missing each other but the guidance is clear, you can’t come and see us right now and I can’t accept any presents. We know it’s upsetting but we will all have a big get together once this is over.’

Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 19:00

Yeah I dont particularly like her...
There's a whole back story but That's another story.

I appreciate she misses him but rules are rules aren't they and they are there for a reason.
She as a nurse should know this.

There's many people in this situation, it's rubbish but it is what it is.
Ds face times her, but he's 18 months and after a few minutes not Interested in the phone, I've sent her pictures in the post from DS...
So I have been considerate!

OP posts:
TheAugusta · 20/04/2020 19:01

Of course you don’t want a random driveway item that’s the wrong age for your child dropped off in the middle of a pandemic! Stick to your guns (or better yet get DH to) but perhaps encourage him and her to FaceTime your DS as it’s sad she’s missing him.

ivfgottostaypositive · 20/04/2020 19:01

Yeah I dont particularly like her...

And there we have it - the real reason

If this was your own mother I doubt you would have been so abrupt in your replies. But the only thing MN hates more than men is the MIL

TheAugusta · 20/04/2020 19:02

Cross post!

Shehz21 · 20/04/2020 19:03

I fail to sympathize OP as your post drips of disdain for the woman. I am not particularly fond of my MIL and if she behaved this way I wouldn't be very happy about it but I wouldn't be raging (feels like you are from your OP). Just politely decline and try to find activities(Facetime)in which she and grandson can be part of. My parents live abroad and I try get DD,who is around the same age as your DS, to "interact" a little bit even if couple of minutes.

NoSauce · 20/04/2020 19:05

But has she actually asked to come round therefore breaking the rules? Not just asking if you need anything etc which she could do without coming in the house.

Veterinari · 20/04/2020 19:05

To be fair bringing round a random baby walker is a bloody stupid idea. And she knows it is.
Don't understand why posters are defending this batshittery. You shouldn't have to kindly and patiently explain to a nurse the potential infection risks in this situation. I'd lose patience too

withaheyandahoandaheyheyho · 20/04/2020 19:06

You're right, the rules are very clear. She doesn't live in your household, so you can't meet up face to face.
I work in A&E so I get the pressure you're both under. I can see why she's desperate to see family, but I can also see why the constant requests would be even more annoying for you.
If you haven't already, maybe send her some videos of him as well as pics? But her coming round is an absolute no at the moment, and as a nurse she should know why.

Blueswede · 20/04/2020 19:10

If she’s hoping to pop over she’s bonkers. We all know by now we need to avoid the possibility of spreading covid-19.
My MIL has learnt how to FaceTime in the last 7 days so she can see our baby. She’s 80... if she can do it anyone can (a total technophobe usually) talk your mil you’re happy to facilitate FaceTime or whatever you use but that she can’t come over but thank her for the offer of help etc.

hammeringinmyhead · 20/04/2020 19:14

I think what would annoy me is her thinking I was naive enough not to realise she was offering to drop things off for me as a cover.

fruitbrewhaha · 20/04/2020 19:38

I don't understand why you are getting a hard time OP. I wouldn't want walker from someones rubbish at the best of times. Why would you need one for an 18 month old? Why would you touch any body elses crap at the moment?

Healthyandhappy · 20/04/2020 19:38

My mil bought 10 year old a dress and bought a box for 5 yr old full of wrapped up stuff other day. Also some mince and pasata she dropped of and we socially distanced on garden no harm. I'm gonna have a drive to a local green area near my mum on sat and have a socially distanced walk

Yester · 20/04/2020 19:41

Without the back story you sound awful.

LouLouLoo · 20/04/2020 19:54

YANBU. There are grandparents up and down the country missing their grandchildren, the rules are in place for a reason.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 20/04/2020 19:56

Why does she not know that he's walking? Do you never let her see him even pre-lockdown?

Aridane · 20/04/2020 19:59

Good to see the visceral dislike for MILs remains unabated

mumwon · 20/04/2020 20:00

suggestion
"Oh so kind dmil but dc already has one - perhaps instead we could donate it to (charity name)"& say it with kind (lying) regret that sounds sincere
gp everywhere are missing their little people & wondering when they will get to cuddle them again, zoom & facetime are great but its nowhere near the same Sad