Mil desperate to see DS

[Popcat120]

And really starting to annoy me with it....
Constant texts asking if we need anything (as excuse to come round)...
Or 'we must meet up soon'

She found a baby walker on someone's drive for free and picked it up for DS who's 18 months... 1. About 10 months too late for a baby walker... He's running now!
And 2. I'm not having anything in my house I don't know where it's come from.
She got the right hump about that answer.

Every day she texts both me and my OH about it.
Shes a nurse, working in a hospital, as am I so we don't need any more risk... And incase you don't read the news, the country is on lockdown!!!
The answer is no... And will remain no until lockdown is lifted!!

You sound lovely! NOT

I think the issue here is that you don't like her. You sound horrible

Without the back story you sound awful

Nope the MIL sounds awful as a HCP for knowingly wanting to expose her family to the risk of infection, and using flimsy excuses to do so.

Why should OP have to fend off batshit and dangerous ideas in a polite manner?

MIL is an adult professional, she knows she's being an arsehole, she just doesn't care. It's not OP's responsibility to manage that.

Well you may as well let her come as people seem to now be ignoring it. I saw two women and a child turn up to a neighbour house today. Same neighbours who are still having work done on their loft conversion

They looked sheepish, i glared - twats

Even if OP doesn't like her MIL, constant texting and trying to come up with reasons to pop round when everyone is in lockdown will become grating and irritating for anyone to deal with. And to make matters worse, she's a nurse who should absolutely know better! But still happy to discount the increased risk for her own grandchild as long as she nags people enough to get what she wants?

I'd be cross with anyone who behaved like that, even if I generally really liked them.

Perhaps you should let your DH deal with her since she's not getting 'hints' but needs a direct 'no' and 'stop it, now' from her own son?

Yanbu, you shouldn't have to explain this to a nurse. Her visits and random toys could put her beloved grandchild at risk.

I would be annoyed to be hectored in this way. It's ridiculous that a medical professional and grown woman needs to be repeated told no to this terrible idea.

It doesn't matter that she misses yours ds, she cannot put her needs above others. We are all missing our families. My mum died recently and my dad is on his own and I am in a different city. We are doing video calls and a family member is dropping essential bits off.

I agree with a final message but suggest this is delivered through her son.

I was really hoping we’d seen the end of Mil threads for the time being. I’m astonished she wants to be anywhere near you, OP.

YANBU. You don’t need a backstory and it doesn’t matter if you don’t get on. A walker dumped out on the street is a terrible idea. Especially in the current circumstances.

When you’re working hard and stressed out you don’t always have time to dance around with politeness. You did nothing wrong. Send pics and videos of DS but tell her to follow the rules. MIL or mate. Good relationship or bad, it doesn’t matter. she’s acting like the rules don’t apply to her and that always gives me the hump.

YANBU

She sounds as thick as mince & seriously bloody irritating. Tell OH to tell her to stop asking to infectsee DS or you'll make it very ckear she's not welcome.

without the back story you sound awful

OK, she's narcissistic and she emotionally blackmails us all the time, she's emotionally unhinged at the best of times.

The year we conceived this Darling grandson, she was telling me i was no good for her son, and that I had landed on my feet.
I've never been enough for her, no matter how hard I've tried, so I gave up.

She lies constantly, exaggerates stories, makes things up, stirs the family pot in which now BIL and OH aren't talking, then sits back with the classic line 'I don't know what I've done'

At Xmas she was meant to go to BIL and his gf for Xmas Dinner, last minute said she wasn't up to it, so I invited her to ours, as we had enough food and I felt sorry for her, she sat and had dinner with us instead, how hurtful for Bil?
And all that time she slagged them Both off, said she didn't want to got here because she would slap the gf round the face... Claiming she had caused the Xmas drama.

The way she speaks about the gf (who's now pregnant) I wouldn't like to think what she says about me!

She's one of those who no girl will ever be good enough for her sons.

She tells her sons 38 and 40 she put her life on hold for them... And now she's got nothing.

There's more but I can't possible write it all down!
So sorry... If I don't like this woman too much.
I think it's warranted.

I’m surprised people are reading this as you being the problem. It’s not like you’re allowing your own mother to see the child and only excluding your MIL because you don’t like her.

The guidelines are very clear that you can’t visit people’s homes and can only leave your own house for essentials and exercise.

Oh you poor thing, we would have had this back in the day thank god finally went NC with my mum.

I am missing my grandkids terribly we live so close I can hear them in the garden. We get to wave through the window when I drop off little treats for them.

This will pass grandparents just have to be patient.

Yanbu this would annoy me. He is not her child and the rules are the rules. She doesn’t have a right to see him and shouldn’t be trying it on. I haven’t seen my adult kids for over a month and I do miss them but there is nothing I can do about it. I do think that some grandparents are over invested in their GCs and need to back off. I don’t remember my grandparents constantly being around when I was a kid.

She text tonight to say...
We must meet up soonest.
So. I replied, yes once lockdown is over we can all go for a meal, that would be nice.
She continued to say that..
But your own mother sees him on a Wednesday, don't lie to me... Etc.
(she does not, as she's also a health care professional and I don't want DS at risk when OH is home)

I've told her straight that she presumes this is the case and that DS was too precious to me and OH to put him at unnecessary risk.

She hasn't replied..., so she's either been put in her place or is annoyed with me for speaking out of turn to her!

You've done nothing wrong. Sounds like my MIL, can't stand her.

when you say she's a nurse, do you mean an actual, qualified nurse? because I find it hard to believe a nurse, working in a hospital would want to put her grandchild at risk.

You sound a difficult so does she. She wants to see her grandson. That is actually lovely so just be glad for that and be nice if you can.

My granddaughter is coming up to six months old. The hardest bit of this lockdown is not being with her or building our relationship.

And yep, it was better than nothing when my daughter needed something dropping off over Easter, and I was able to see them both through her front window.
I know that my daughter also gave her MIL the opportunity to see our granddaughter from a distance too (we both live within twenty minutes of her). Because she's not horrible and she recognises that her MIL loves the baby as much as I do.

@stillwerise... Yes an actual qualified nurse... Working with premature babies! Shocking I know...

She seems to think All the rules don't apply to her, not Just with lockdown with everything in life.

She took DS for a walk once when he was months old, turned her phone off and she was gone for hours, it was getting dark and cold and we had no clue where she was.
She wanted time with him was her excuse, I'm sorry but that's not reasonable or sensible.

I just think with everything that's gone in the past, I can't just forgive and forget like she does. She kicks up a sh.t storm and the next she has no recollection.

@saraclara

Im not horrible either, she's already turned up unannounced and seen DS through the iron gate, not particularly keeping her distance either!

My OH is also moderate risk with the meds he's on, so even more reason she doesn't come round just because she wants to see DS.
Lots of GP are in the same boat.

We've explained about lockdown nicely, she replies 'if you don't want me in your life let me know...'

It's not about that it's about the rules on the country at the moment, keeping people safe, I work in health care, (not front line), people are really ill, thousands have lost their lives.
What aren't people getting about this?!

Any reference to a MiL or a DiL is seemingly a flashpoint here, OP. Had you written that your mum or your aunt was a nurse of all things, and was haranguing you to persuade you to take risks with your DC, I'm betting the response would have been wholly different.

She actually sent a response reading 'don't lie to me?' That would be more than enough for me to take a large stride back, hand her over to your DH to deal with in future, and block her number.

You don't have to tolerate this for one moment. Not cricket.

Not sure why you're getting a hard time, OP!

The whole of AIBU is filled with threads telling people to practice social distancing, and here we have a nurse asking another nurse to practice social distance, and you're being treated like Mata Hari.

I totally agree you would be subjecting you and your family to unnecessary risk by allowing MIL (a nurse) to come into the house.

Why are you all in contact with her?

We've explained about lockdown nicely, she replies 'if you don't want me in your life let me know...' Goodness me, emotional blackmail and wilful ignorance and entitlement all in one.

It is shocking she works with the most vulnerable members of society and still doesn’t get this or does but considers herself exempt from the lockdown regulations.

Most GPS, myself included, are missing their DC and DGC. She of all people should know why it’s so important we stay away from one another at the moment. She sounds a total nightmare OP.