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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil desperate to see DS

84 replies

Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 18:48

And really starting to annoy me with it....
Constant texts asking if we need anything (as excuse to come round)...
Or 'we must meet up soon'

She found a baby walker on someone's drive for free and picked it up for DS who's 18 months... 1. About 10 months too late for a baby walker... He's running now!
And 2. I'm not having anything in my house I don't know where it's come from.
She got the right hump about that answer.

Every day she texts both me and my OH about it.
Shes a nurse, working in a hospital, as am I so we don't need any more risk... And incase you don't read the news, the country is on lockdown!!!
The answer is no... And will remain no until lockdown is lifted!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 21:12

@themagiciansmewtwo

She knows full well he's walking, he's been walking a good 7 months, pre lockdown she saw him at least once a week for a good 6 hours on a Monday while I work, sometimes 2 times a week.

I'm not that awful, even though I don't particularly like her. I would never stop her seeing her grandson (apart from when the country is on lockdown)

OP posts:
Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 21:18

@itsabitmessy

You got her in one. Some of the stuff she sends my OH is shocking exactly what you've just said.

She definately thinks shes entitled.
Shes always saying to OH, you've only got one mother, a thousands fathers, a thousands girlfriends, but I'm your mother.

She's beyond words.

And that's exactly what frustrates me the most, she's a nurse, why isn't she getting it, or she is getting it and still doesn't care!?

OP posts:
Stillfunny · 20/04/2020 21:18

Lockdown or not , I would have to my MIL to not bother coming to my house with trash from the street for my child. Disgusting.

yerawizadari · 20/04/2020 21:21

Not sure why you're getting a hard time, OP!

Neither am I, and she's not the only one who's been in the firing line today.

AIBU is fast becoming untenable.

I0NA · 20/04/2020 21:21

You need to gradually withdraw from dealing with her and let your partner do it, it’s his mum.

SharonasCorona · 20/04/2020 21:22

Lockdown or not , I would have to my MIL to not bother coming to my house with trash from the street for my child. Disgusting.

I am on the OP's side on this but this seems to be a very judgemental attitude. In pre-lockdown in our area, people often leave out things they no longer need in their front garden. I know friends and relatives who have picked up almost new garden chairs, vases, bookshelves etc. We ourselves have left out plants, DVDs, a Bosch drill, a Nintendo, and it's disappeared within a day.

Remember, one person's 'trash' is another person's treasure.

strawberry2017 · 20/04/2020 21:28

I'm so sorry OP, you shouldn't have to deal with constant badgering from someone who should clearly know better.
It's the last thing anyone needs, she's talking as if she's the only one in the world who misses someone. I am sure you would love to see people but we have to be sensible at at this time.
She sounds horrendous, it also sounds like the brothers should stick together because she's clearly manipulative.

Healthyandhappy · 20/04/2020 21:32

Does your mum drop anything at your house since lockdown

Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 21:38

I think tbh his brother is just as bad,
He's formed an opinion on me based in what mil has told him (made up) about me and not given me a chance.

At Xmas OH was poorly with his long term condition, I encouraged him to let his family know he was in hospital.
They waited until I had left and turned up drunk at the hospital and made a scene.
I got the blame for that admission, for feeding him rubbish. When actually I had done nothing but support him through a years flare up.

As soon as you try and explain what's going on with mil, he wants nothing to do with the conversation, won't have anyone speak about his mum like that.

When oh and bil met up, bil is always making remarks to him like 'wake up and smell the coffee' quite clearly referring to me, not being good enough for him.
He even had the cheek to say to OH that I had no ambition, no aspirations.

OP posts:
Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 21:39

@healthyandhappy... No she doesn't. She hasn't been near.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 20/04/2020 21:40

@Healthyandhappy unless her own mother is a nurse it doesn't make a difference

yesyesdear · 20/04/2020 21:45

Your mil is toxic. You need to remove her from your life.

For those who have come on here to defend the mil, I’m guessing you’re entitled mils too? Wake up to yourselves!!!

ThusSpoke · 20/04/2020 21:57

Does your mum drop anything at your house since lockdown

Jesus fucking Christ.

Between this thread and another couple over the past few days, I just can’t with AIBU any more.

Horrible, horrid women on this site taking all their frustrations out on posters looking for a bit of advice/support.

OP, to all the morons saying that you sound like an awful person, ignore them. They were the same idiots on here a couple of months back preaching #bekind.

You should read the comments made to the poor young girl trying to finish her dissertation. Fucking vultures.

champagneandfromage50 · 20/04/2020 22:01

You must have NC as I remember a post about an admission and his family rocking up drunk and them blaming you.... if your the same person I am surprised your maintaining any contact with them at all

Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 22:01

Not to blow my own trumpet, but I'm a nice kind girl, I've got first class honours in nursing, I've got a beautiful boy, that's some quite big aspirations right there already completed!

OP posts:
Malvinaa81 · 20/04/2020 22:01

No sane person would even consider taking in a baby walker found on someone's drive in the current situation- not to mention your child is now too old for it.

And no she can't see your son.

And yes she does need to be told.

But you could try to be a little kinder, maybe?

Original poster
Popcat120 · 20/04/2020 22:04

@malvinaa81... Have you read the whole thread....
No I couldn't 😂

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 20/04/2020 22:07

I'm desperate to see my grandchildren and do tell them, but my 4 Yr old GD replies 'When the virus goes away' and 'When Lockdown ends'. The two Yr old shouts 'Go away virus'.

We face time daily. I made a few fancy dress outfits and dp dropped them to DDs porch. They facetimed later to open it. We called it their lockdown box.

Your MIL sounds unhinged. I miss the girls, but this has to be done. If she, as a nurse, doesn't get it, there is no hope!

Monkeynuts18 · 20/04/2020 22:54

Off topic really because the point of the thread is how she treats you, and it doesn’t sound like YABU about that, but I don’t understand why people get so upset over something secondhand from someone’s driveway. Loads of people round here are leaving stuff out for people to take, I think it’s nice and the risk is very low. I mean a new toy delivered to your door would still have been handled by people. And would probably have been made in China Grin

Original poster
Popcat120 · 21/04/2020 10:19

Monkeynuts...
No a new toy delivered to my door, the box would have been handled.
That walker would have been in a potentially infected with covid house...
Not to mention that he's way too old for a baby walker and it's really unnecessary.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 21/04/2020 11:00

So the contents of the box would be untouched by human hand? Doubtful.

CruCru · 21/04/2020 11:39

I think this is a couple of different issues. The first is that the MIL is difficult in various ways.

The second is that she wants to clutter up the OP's house with random crap that isn't even useful. This sort of thing really irritates me - people should clutter up their own houses (if they must) - it isn't kind to clutter up someone else's.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/04/2020 11:46

Wtf?

Look, the only question you need to think about here is - what does your OH think of this, and of his mother's behaviour?

I can see some of what you're posting is venting, and some tongue in cheek. But all I can say is that if someone called me a liar about anything, my reply would be along the lines of - watch your mouth, you want to call me a liar again and you can go whistle to see me and that means you will see less of my son.

She disrespects you to your OH - what does he say about it? Only one mother but thousands of girlfriends? - why isn't he replying 'Speak about my partner that way again and I'll be happy to have no mother around thanks'?

She sounds horrible. She is the reason your OH and his brother arent' talking?

It may be a case of rolling your eyes now, but when your son is bigger, you will begin to see the damage this kind of dysfunction causes. When you see your son watching and learnign from her. When you catch her telling YOUR son how shit his mother is and how granny's the only one who properly looks after him...

I would be talking to your OH about distancing, permanently.

Original poster
Popcat120 · 21/04/2020 13:17

Yes that's it.
She says things to my 18 month old like...
Daddy doesn't love nanna anymore, you love nanna don't you.

Were thinking of moving away next year and OH agrees with that move!

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/04/2020 13:23

As a granny who hasn’t seen our 3 little Gdcs (inc. a baby under 4 months) since shortly before lockdown started, and misses them very badly, I think your MiL should just back off and get a grip.

It’s hard for many of us at the moment.

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