Please help me resolve a barney I'm having with DH over pocket money!

[pjsgalore]

Sooo, we've just started giving my two DC (6 and 9) pocket money using the GoHenry app and cards. They're getting the weekly average for kids in their age group. Apparently £5.80 for the 9yo and £4.30 for the 6yo.

But my DH and I are having a disagreement about WHAT they spend it on. I think they should be allowed to spend it on whatever they like - to include Robux (the Roblux currency - an online game for those who dont' know) and V-Bucks - Fortnite currency - again gaming currency.

DH says it's huge profiteering from the gaming companies (which I don't disagree with) and that it's a gambling loop...I personally think as we're trying to teach them how to use money that they should spend their weekly amount on whatever they like. they'll soon realise they have none left for stuff they want in RL if they've spent it all online.

Do you control what your kids spend their pocket money on at all?

I also think at the moment they can't spend at shops - so online is really all they can spend it on.

Please give me your thoughts!!

I agree with you as well
They'll start to decide whether it was worth it spending it online or not

Can I sit on the fence?
Usually I would say your way of doing it makes sense. But at the moment they aren't really making a true choice to spend it virtually rather than on something physical.
I would suggest for now that they are only allowed to spend half as a maximum online (or better, none at all.) The rest can be used to teach them the valuable lesson of saving as after lockdown they will have enough to buy something more substantial and wont have wasted several week's worth online.
After lockdown no limit on online spending so they have a true and immediate choice between virtual and real.

He is 17 now @sauvignonblancplz, he didn’t want ‘stuff’ and got a lot of joy from roblox.
I think that children should be allowed to do what they want, it’s their money and it should be given to them without strings.

I'm stunned about the average amount of pocket money. Are you sure that's right? My 11 and 13 year old get £6 a month each. It's plenty but then I don't usually let them buy sweets as they have so much from birthdays, parties, Xmas, halloween, easter, that it pretty much lasts the whole year. Personally I'd give them a lot less if they were allowed to blow it all on in-app junk - maybe £1 a week.

Well yes, I think children should save as a matter of course - that should be part of the allowance agreement. You should always aim to save a portion of your income, and children should really be taught to do the same.

You can’t get a magazine for less than £4 now can you?

I'm on the fence. When DS was small, I did as you OP and let him spend it how he liked. He'd never learn how to budget unless he made some mistakes and suffered the consequences, was how I reasoned.

However, I was listening to something (months ago, I presume Radio 4's consumer programme) about how the online stuff was effectively normalising gambling through 'loot boxes' and the like, and It made me a bit uneasy. So I am with your DH too.

Broadly, I think the financial landscape facing children now is VERY different from the one we faced as children, or even my son faced a very short time ago (he's 22 now). We were only facing the disappointment of not having any left to spend. Now, they risk having their attitudes to money and gambling reshaped to the benefit of the gaming companies (and later to the gambling companies). It's something parents didn't have to consider before, but do have to consider now.

I agree with you, but only as long as you aren't subbing them at other times. Mine have learnt most about the value of money from NOT being able to buy something they wanted due to pissing away their spends on rubbish. They don't make that mistake more than a couple of times before they start to work out that two magazines=one really decent toy. However if you are buying lots of non essentials for them they don't get the chance to learn this.

If my DC ever do talk about spending on trash/ripoffs then I sometimes employ a delaying tactic and encourage them to look elsewhere first, but ultimately it's not for me to decide what they should value the most.

I let them spend it what they like.....but they don't have any gaming devices/gaming associated stuff. My two are little though, 4 and 6 and as such we control where they go and what they do, so I suppose that does limited what they can spend it on really. Both of them save up for a few weeks and then spend it, ds loves lego which is quite expensive so he has to save up for even medium sized sets.
We started giving them it to stop any requests for crap when we're out and about, they get £3 each a week so if they ask for stuff in poundland, magazines etc we can just tell them to buy it themselves- they quickly decide what they really, really want to have when it's their money they're spending!

@Ninkanink It’s absolutely gambling, that’s why they are currently under investigation.

I think allowing young children to spend money on something that isn’t physically there is insanity! What a frivolous waste.

Largely I'd agree with you, but given that this is something your DH feels so strongly about, I'd also look at how to have conversations about money, gambling, and online spending that help you both educate your kids around the topics he's concerned about.

I think @nowayhose's story about being taught to play poker is a great example.

Or, (perhaps more age-appropriately) you could set up a game where they pay real physical money for attempts at a challenge where you or DH ultimately control the outcome, for example – and then use their cries of "it's not fair!" to spotlight the risk of the same thing with online game purchases.

Then at least the idea is in their heads and they can make more informed choices.

Mine are free to spend their allowance as they please, likewise birthday and Christmas money they are gifted. Their money, they learn from having control of it.

Uhm, it’s gambling if you don’t know what you’re actually buying, obviously. However that’s not the case in every game.

Also what’s wrong with frivolous spending?? I spend frivolously on lots of things. Those things make me very happy and aren’t in any way a waste of money.

It’s difficult isn’t it? My parents were extremely controlling with money which sent me completely the other way when I left home.

I absolutely agree that children should be educated and encouraged to save, I don’t agree that accumulating ‘stuff’ is somehow more worthy than experiences.

I'm amazed that's the average. Are you sure? My 10yo gets £1 a week, the 13yo gets £12 a month and the 15 yo gets £25 / month.

Oh you would love to judge what my lot get

Agree with you. But 9 is young to be playing Fortnite imo.

@Ninkanink ehhhhh calm yourself.
You’re a grown woman if you want to buy whatever online you go for it .
However you do realise the thread is about children?
And actually you buying ‘diamonds’ in order to purchase more things to improve the status of your game is gambling ....

I’m perfectly calm...what on earth gave you the idea that I’m not? Oh wait, you just decided to say that to try to be withering and witty, didn’t you. Bless.

Anyway, you teach children most effectively through experience. Not through forbidding, or judging their likes/dislikes, or being overly worthy about how they must spend their money and whether or not their interests are ‘frivolous.’

You teach them how to spend sensibly by teaching them to make sensible decisions - such as how to spend frivolously but keep it within your means, or how to balance your wants for something virtual against something that you can have and hold and use. Again, best learnt through experience at a level that matches their level of maturity. So you discuss it, listen to them and their reasoning, make suggestions of things to consider, and then let them make their choice. And definitely resist the temptation to bail them out later!

Do you actually understand what gambling is...? Because in my game there is absolutely no element of gambling to it (not in the way I approach my purchases, nor in the way I use my diamonds). Obviously there might be many instances where it is, but it’s just plain stupid to claim that’s always the case.

However this is totally beside the point and I’m not in the mood to waste my time arguing with you...

@Ninkanink

Ok.

I'm missing the point, but £4.30 per week is a lot of money for a 6 year old. What does s/he usually spend it on?
I'd say almost £6 pw for a 9 year old is too much too tbh.

Normally I say they should be allowed to purchase whatever they want, but I think this has a limit.

However I really think 6 is too young to understand virtual purchases. Its far too easy to get addicted and spend all their money there, and these things are really heavily marketed towards children and it can be too tempting, its quite unethical. £20 a month is a lot to waste on nothing.

Would you really be happy for them to spend it on whatever? Lets say they wanted to buy a mcdonalds mayo chicken every school day would you be happy? I think children need guiding on how to spend their money. Is there anyway you could compromise? What about reducing the pocket money and putting some aside for in game purchases?

I agree with your DH. I think Roblox, etc often appeal to children who are addicted to quick gratification. My nephew got quite obsessed with games like that. Not all children do, but having that ‘shiny carrot’ swinging there to encourage them to waste their money and gamble isn’t good IMO.

Perhaps if they were older, lessons could be learnt, but with children that young, No.

I also agree that they’re getting quite a lot of money, as some pp have said.