DH is lying and I can't figure out what about

[kellydon6]

DH is hiding something, several times I have gone downstairs, he hasn't heard me coming and he quickly clicks off something on his phone.

I caught him using an anonymous chat site a year ago which was weird but forgivable as long as he didn't do it again.

I know how iPhones work and how I can see everything he's clicked on at certain times. So I asked him clearly what he was hiding. He said he had been gambling (he knows I have an issue with this, but I also know where all his money is so I know it's not any more than the profits from his matched betting). It felt like he revealed one truth to hide the real, relationship-impacting truth.
I checked his battery for the past hour which includes when I shocked him and he hid something and I could see he hadn't been on anything suspicious.

But I've had this feeling for a while - it's now the third time in a week I've caught him off guard and he's quickly hidden something and looks so guilty. I need to know what he was doing.

He wouldn't access (and doesn't use) safari on his iphone, this is because I caught him on that site a year ago and he was trying to prove he couldn't go on it again.

So my only suspicion is that he's accessing a website through an app - the apps he is using are all news apps like Guardian.
Can someone help me here? I know I sound crazy but I really need to know.

Thanks

I never got an answer and I had a horrible feeling in my chest. I can't get over it and I am questioning if I'm just mad.

I decided it was weird but quite harmless in the grand scheme so decided to move on from it
Clearly you havent moved on!
You sound unhinged and paranoid, if this what you think is acceptable in a relationship I think you need help.
You do not trust him, leave him or he’ll probably leave due to your crazy behaviour.

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if this has already been mentioned... But is no-one at all concerned at the behaviour of the OP?

Is it your phone? No.

If this was a guy insisting on micromanaging what his wife/girlfriend can and cannot do on their own phone there'd be (rightly) an absolute shitstorm.

OP, you clearly have trust issues. Sort them out - preferably with a grown up conversation, and then either move on, or out.

There are messaging apps disguised as other, innocent apps so they dont show up

god I wish I had known about this battery thing in the past. I could have got so much more clarity about the situation I was in with my ex.

I really really feel with for you OP.

The spidery senses, the desperate needing to know thing and allmost at all costs. Your trust is broken.

And actually it's shit place to be. I'm not saying LTB as it's so much more complex than that. But it is a draining place of limbo. it's no way to live a life.

You have in no way moved on, the whole checking thing is actually making you ill!

You do jo in any way trust this man, you've found nothing but still you're looking for something.

@nornironrock
I agree, if you read my comment above yours.

But OP, you already have found something you know ypure with a list who is soliciting for sexual activity and cheap thrills online. He's done it before. Surely the way you've be one is a symptom of who you're with, what they've done and the fact there is no trust whatsoever. That isn't changing.

Addressing why you are with him if this is what it's doing for your mental health IS very relevant, more so than driving yourself mad trying to find out how exactly he's lied this time. Which you know he has as he's thrown gambling in - presumably as it paints him as more of a victim than sex and he is a practiced liar.

If he's innocent so what? The relationship is still damaged and unhealthy, he still betrayed you before, it all sounds miserable.

I have to wonder if all these women condoning this level of snooping and control over a hunch would be offering so many spying tips to a man?

I click off things quickly when my hubby comes in as he narks me for being on my phone and anti social so its become habit, i'd be aghast to think he suspected me of being unfaithful and started effectively stalking me at home.

I apologise, I just read he has done this before, please ignore my first post, hate drip feeds...

@kellydon6 you might never find out what it is.

You have to accept that as a possibility. Because you say you are waiting for "proof". What if the proof never comes? Will you sit there unhappy and suspicious forever? You need to take responsibility for yourself and not be reliant on the other thing. The other way will drive you mad.

I am not phone techy, so no help.

I assume a keylogger type thing is out of the question?

Note - that's so obviously the nuclear and unacceptable in a relationship option that I only say it as a response to what seems to be the case - that you are assuming you'll find the worst, and it will give you the oomph to do what you already know you have to do, and leave him.

The whole situation between you sounds beyond awful somehow - like it's a game. He hands the phone over knowing you won't find anything and you know you won't find anything because you know he has already put in place safeguards to make sure he cannot be caught?

The relationship IS over, isn't it?

Given that - has it occurred to you that the one thing that would wipe the smirk off his face would be if you just did finish it, without evidence? If you were just to say quite matter-of-factly to him, the phone stuff over the last few days - how that made me feel - knowing you were up to something but would have made sure to cover your tracks - I'm sorry but I've just decided it's not a feeling I ever want to have again. I don't even care what you're doing - I care about me and my emotional health, so, bye Felipe.

Just making a point, I have never checked my DH phone in 10 years, wouldn't occur to me. Hopefully that it fairly normal on here? Clearly there is a major problem even if he is innocent of any wrong doing.............

This relationship won’t last long whether he’s doing anything or not. Your incessant controlling nature, paranoia, getting him to hand over his phone whenever you’re suspicious... he will get sick of that, and quickly.

He doesn’t need to be in a relationship like this. It is unhealthy for the both of you.