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Original poster

DH is lying and I can't figure out what about

114 replies

kellydon6 · 20/04/2020 16:06

DH is hiding something, several times I have gone downstairs, he hasn't heard me coming and he quickly clicks off something on his phone.

I caught him using an anonymous chat site a year ago which was weird but forgivable as long as he didn't do it again.

I know how iPhones work and how I can see everything he's clicked on at certain times. So I asked him clearly what he was hiding. He said he had been gambling (he knows I have an issue with this, but I also know where all his money is so I know it's not any more than the profits from his matched betting). It felt like he revealed one truth to hide the real, relationship-impacting truth.
I checked his battery for the past hour which includes when I shocked him and he hid something and I could see he hadn't been on anything suspicious.

But I've had this feeling for a while - it's now the third time in a week I've caught him off guard and he's quickly hidden something and looks so guilty. I need to know what he was doing.

He wouldn't access (and doesn't use) safari on his iphone, this is because I caught him on that site a year ago and he was trying to prove he couldn't go on it again.

So my only suspicion is that he's accessing a website through an app - the apps he is using are all news apps like Guardian.
Can someone help me here? I know I sound crazy but I really need to know.

Thanks

OP posts:
amy85 · 20/04/2020 19:23

You haven't moved on and you are monitoring him ...life is too short to live like this....I wasted far too many years in a relationship like this, he never changed and I could never trust him again....it's not worth it

Lockheart · 20/04/2020 19:25

This isn't going to help your sanity. This behaviour doesn't. The next time he does something you think is suspicious you'll be right back where you are now.

You need help (as a couple or on your own) in order to deal with your anxiety in the relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. Carrying on like this is not a healthy option.

rhowton · 20/04/2020 19:26

Go on to notifications and go through every app and see which ones are turned off.

thirstyformore · 20/04/2020 19:30

@fantasia aren't you a peach Hmm

Marshmallow91 · 20/04/2020 19:32

From what you've said, all I can gather is that your behaviour is unacceptable. My partner has no right to go through my phone, and I his. If you have such little trust in him any more you need to do both of you a favour and leave.

CaptainCabinets · 20/04/2020 19:32

This is awful. The man is on a news app and you’re obsessively trawling through his fucking battery usage to check this and finding NOTHING. He doesn’t have any browsers or chat apps installed, and the battery usage would tell you even if he’d had them and deleted them, now you think he’s up to no good via the fucking Guardian app Confused

Listen to yourself. A man accusing a woman of this and going to the same level of checking would be called controlling, and rightly so. This is not right.

Greenpop21 · 20/04/2020 19:34

Have you gone through his contacts? Any new names?

Ipadipod · 20/04/2020 19:44

I haven’t any suggestions Op , but I totally understand the need to know , it really isn’t as black and white as some people think and unless you have been in this situation it’s hard to understand.

Original poster
kellydon6 · 20/04/2020 19:45

@greenpop no I hadn't actually reached that level on investigation - I simply looked at his battery. I don't really want to go through contacts as I won't be able to tell who is new

OP posts:
ShleeAnKree · 20/04/2020 19:53

Obviously in a perfect world you'd say to yourself, this isnt making me happy so it is over, but... i do not blame you for at least trying to get the truth. As least then you wouldnt have regrets for ending it &/or he could talk his way out of it.
Good luck.

Coffeepot72 · 20/04/2020 20:03

@kellydon6 I think a lot of this boils down to whether you want to stay with him (or not). If you don’t want to leave him (and that’s up to you, not us lot) then chill out about his phone and get on with your life.

crambosk · 20/04/2020 20:06

potentially stupid suggestion but if you click on an ad via an app does it not open in a browser, in which case you can just search the browsing history of that browser? not so great with iphones, but androids have something like a 'secure folder' which you can keep apps hidden in. might also be a place to check

Coffeepot72 · 20/04/2020 20:07

But take it from someone who’s been there, i think it’s practically impossible to get the trust back once it’s broken.

Aridane · 20/04/2020 20:08

This is a horrific level of cyber stalking - seriously creepy

Coffeepot72 · 20/04/2020 20:09

Is it creepy though, or just a case of female intuition, which is rarely wrong?

PamwichShilling · 20/04/2020 20:09

I don't it's right to check a partners phone and you haven't found any evidence anyway.
If you really don't trust him, I'd suggest deciding if you want to stay and maybe think about couples counselling or something. Your current situation isn't healthy for either of you.

CalleighDoodle · 20/04/2020 20:13

Just tried the iphone battery thing on my husbands phone. 76% a dinosaur game today. Hmm

FATEdestiny · 20/04/2020 20:32

Can you do this on a Samsung phone? I want to try mine

Chinks123 · 20/04/2020 20:40

I didn’t know about the battery thing, but if you swipe right on the lock screen it shows what apps you’ve just been on as “Siri app suggestions” for instance mine says “messenger/Facebook/safari/instagram/message etc. If you delete an app it disappears though. That’s sadly how I caught an ex. Checking the time on his phone swiped right and it came up with Snapchat/badoo/tinder etc. I forgave but I was constantly on guard after that. If he closed his phone too quickly when I entered the room, if he left it face down, if he titled the screen away from me...it’s no way to live and it eats away at you.

Hopefully he’s doing nothing but I know what it’s like to feel constantly suspicious. I didn’t want to be horrible in case he was doing nothing, but I didn’t want to ignore it in case he was. Exhausting

Just FYI I know a man who uses a “calculator” app to hide inappropriate things.

Chinks123 · 20/04/2020 20:42

@CalleighDoodle Grin my dps is the same but some warrior game and then reddit..that’s it.

Chinks123 · 20/04/2020 20:46

Sorry piping up again, but just re read your update about him handing you his phone to let you look. That proves nothing. If he’s good with phones like you say he is, he has nothing to worry about and knows you won’t find anything. If he says he was gambling and he wasn’t..he’s obviously doing something else.

Either way I’d leave because my mind is blagged just trying to figure out what your dp is doing and I don’t even know him Blush but I know it’s easier said than done. I stayed for years and in the end felt like an absolute psycho.

FourDecades · 20/04/2020 20:57

As mentioned above, there are apps that infact are secret. So it looks like a calculator but enter the code into it and the hidden app appears

penisbeakers · 20/04/2020 21:13

Stop dithering about and just ask him outright for the truth. Tell him you know his cover story is bullshit and don't stop until he spits it out.

JavaQ · 20/04/2020 21:18

what an extraordinary post. I have learnt an enormous amount about phones and what not.

www.samuelthomasdavies.com/book-summaries/self-help/too-good-to-leave-too-bad-to-stay/

I just read this. So should you.

Mascotte · 20/04/2020 22:23

The email thing is two people have access to a Hotmail style account. They can both log on but rather than send mails which leave traces just go into drafts

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