Apparently my job is like a super hero, angelic in some way.
To be honest, it’s not at all.
All of a sudden we are amazing.
After 31 years in the NHS with zero recognition, having to pay to park at work, having to pay professional fees every year to continue to do my job, having to document as a bullshit paper exercise my work hours, training activities, feedback from people in order to continue to do my job.
Just before corona I was kicked so hard in the chest by a patient that I was knocked off my feet, had to to have a week off work because he hurt my back (first period of sickness in over 10 years) and had to have a return to work interview justifying my time off.
Not the first assault I’ve had at work by a long chalk.
Being spoken to like I’m a piece of shit on the bottom of a shoe by patients relatives & doctors, for years and years on sometimes a daily basis.
Now I’m more terrified than I’ve ever ever been to go to my job, not because of potential for assault or being shouted at or spoken to like I’m shit but because I don’t know what ppe I will be faced with.
Who will be there, young old, a colleague, tragic tragic sick people dying before my eyes.
Sobbing, Holding the hand of that dying person because we will not, can not let them go alone. filling up the goggles with tears I can’t dry because I can’t touch the mask or my face.
But can’t go for a break for another 2 hours because there isn’t enough ppe for the rest of the shift If it’s changed too often.
So yes, I feel that my job is bullshit but not for any other reason than all of that I have described.
Intensive care has been my home, my life, my saviour my absolute constant for nearly 30 years.
I couldn’t do anything else.
Despite all the bullshit, and there’s a mountain of the stuff, it’s worth going in for.
To have the recognition is actually nice, but it will all go back to normal when we all go back to normal that is a bullshit cherry on a bullshit cake and that’s what is wrong.