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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is SIL being a bit of a CF?

105 replies

JustAnotherDayInParadise2020 · 19/04/2020 18:13

I’ll start by saying that we have had a very poorly DD over the last few days, which has resulted in very little sleep and therefore I’m quite prepared to be told IABU.

We (DH,DD and I) have been self isolating since the start of lockdown on the advice of the government letter I received as I have a prexisiting health condition.

We have a recurring food shop slot which has become invaluable to us. As we have also been shopping for DFIL and DMIL as they are also isolating. In this weeks list from them there was a very specific brand, size and scent of shampoo and conditioner they have said is for SIL.

For context SIL is not isolating, and lives in a village with a good sized local shop, and about a 5 minute drive from at least 2 large supermarkets. She also lives about 15 miles from DMIL and DFIL and therefore would have to make a much longer journey to collect these. (We are another 15 miles away from IL in a different direction)

AIBU to think that SIL is being a bit of CF?

OP posts:

JudyCoolibar · 19/04/2020 18:42

As for the supermarkets, they either don’t sell it or she doesn’t want to go just for that (and would probably be judged!)

So she could order her own delivery, or (very probably) get it via someone like Amazon.

HeadSpin5 · 19/04/2020 18:43

In that case then, as it’s Tesco with its limit, she is Def being a CF!

yearinyearout · 19/04/2020 18:46

Sounds like she thinks it will be a freebie as you're not having payment from the in laws. I'd be inclined to forget it accidentally on purpose.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 19/04/2020 18:46

I think she could have contacted you and ask if it was okay. Plus, if there's a limit in the number of items I would only get it if there was a space left. She's a cf.

Chewbecca · 19/04/2020 18:47

It depends.

Have you asked them if they would like to add anything to your order?
If yes, YABU.

Did they say ‘oooh, we are really missing this lovely item that we can’t get locally, if you have room on your order, any chance you can get some?’. If yes, YABU.

If however they have assumed you have unlimited order space and given you a huge list uninvited, then YANBU.

Either way, it is simply resolved by letting them know you have limited space on your order and asking them to only order essentials they can’t get themselves via you.

Nebble · 19/04/2020 18:47

I wouldn’t order it , And whilst I would want to say something, I’d just say it was out of stock and you didn’t order anything as a replacement because you have restricted items you need for yourselves, therefore telling them in a roundabout way you are only buying for them, cheeky mare

Sabine123 · 19/04/2020 18:48

Say so sorry it was out of stock we we placed the order - problem solved !

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 19/04/2020 18:49

I think she could have contacted you and ask if it was okay.

Assuming she knows about it.

Original poster

JustAnotherDayInParadise2020 · 19/04/2020 18:55

@oldraver yes, it’s a long trip to come here and get the shampoo, slightly less if she drives to ILs to get it. But both journeys would be considerably longer than the few miles to her local supermarket, which is coincidentally the same chain as where I get our delivery from.

OP posts:

Sushiroller · 19/04/2020 18:59

Honestly, its a shampoo.
I legitimately couldn't get excited about this unless you hate her. It's a comfort and she's struggling to find it. Why wouldn't you help family?

regarding the 80 item limit it may be worth trying to see if you can buy larger items where there is overlap and divide once received e.g. 8 pack of kitchen roll and split it

Tenebrae · 19/04/2020 18:59

It's only some shampoo and conditioner, she's your SIL, you don't have to deliver it - sounds a bit petty to me.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 19/04/2020 18:59

Don’t buy it for her. Say you ran out of items, hers were items 81 and 82 on the list. She won’t ask again. And yes she is being a CF.

Original poster

JustAnotherDayInParadise2020 · 19/04/2020 19:00

@Chewbecca no we haven’t asked them if they need anything, as they live 30 miles from us. I’d consider a journey to our house instead of their local supermarket to be be unnecessary in the current climate.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/04/2020 19:06

I wouldn’t waste my precious number of items on some bloody shampoo for your sil. She can go to the supermarket herself or do with whatever she can get her hands on.

Tbh if your sil is going to her parents house, she should be getting any excess things you cannot buy on your delivery. You come first. You are shielding for a reason. So ensure if there is anyone left short it is them and for them to contact your SIL.

Is there a possibility of getting things delivered directly to your in laws house? I don’t mean taking the special shielding slots. But Slots do appear sometimes... that way you could have the 80 items all to yourselves.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/04/2020 19:07

I meant to say, just say it wasn’t available/ didn’t come when the delivery arrives.

JudyCoolibar · 19/04/2020 19:07

I legitimately couldn't get excited about this unless you hate her. It's a comfort and she's struggling to find it

@Sushiroller, how do you know she's struggling to find it? If it's something you can get in Tesco's, it can't be that exclusive and difficult to find.

SusieSusieSoo · 19/04/2020 19:08

Shopping for 2 households on an 80 item limit is challenging no way would I give up an item for someone else's shampoo. I've been doing a right old juggle on my orders to get everything we need op x

singtanana · 19/04/2020 19:09

I would get in touch with her and ask if it’s really essential. She may not realise the 80 item limit and that getting her hair products stops you from buying x, y & z. So many people can’t get an online delivery so she may genuinely not realise the impact it has on your shop.

handslikecowstits · 19/04/2020 19:11

If were you I'd order all my stuff and in the inlaws stuff and if there was any room I'd order the shampoo. If there wasn't well, it's tough isn't it. I wouldn't deliberately not order it at all. It's not worth starting a fight over.

GinDrinker00 · 19/04/2020 19:19

I just wouldn’t get it. You’re limited as it is.

Dontlikeoranges · 19/04/2020 19:20

If I had 2 items left on my shopping list it would be taken by wine not SIL's shampoo and conditioner that's for sure!

Sushiroller · 19/04/2020 19:21

Well I am guessing if she had 3 in the cupboard she wouldn't be asking....

Even if she hasnt searched every shop in a 20 mile radius, i wouldnt care... unless I totallyhated her I'd just put it on the list.

HedgehogHotel · 19/04/2020 19:26

If you don't want to add it, don't. Tell her you'd reached your limit or it wasn't available if you don't want to be honest that she can get it on one of her own local trips to the shop.

amy85 · 19/04/2020 19:26

If they live 30 miles from you how do they get their shopping?

JudyCoolibar · 19/04/2020 19:28

Well I am guessing if she had 3 in the cupboard she wouldn't be asking....

But she lives near at least two large supermarkets and, if they can't produce it, could almost certainly mail order it.

Why should OP encourage her sister to break the law by making a totally unnecessary 30 mile trip for the sake of shampoo?

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