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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here??

90 replies

BePositive84 · 19/04/2020 12:44

Hi,

So I have known my friend for 15 years. He is 38, lives alone and is a bit of a gamer.

Whenever I go round to see him, he is constantly on his phone. I’ve lost count the amount of times I have been talking and just given up because he was on his phone and wasn’t paying attention. If he isn’t on his phone when I go round, he’s then staring at the tv when I’m trying to talk. So I usually just give up and go home.

If I ring him, he answers, but is on his computer games and I can tell he is not listening to a word I am saying, but if I ever mention it or make a comment about his lack of attention, he gets really defensive over it and kinda snaps back.

A few weeks ago, a relative of mine passed away due to covid19. Absolutely awful and as a family we are terribly upset and what makes it harder is the social distancing, we can’t even be together right now.

Last week, I rang my friend and told him the funeral was on Wednesday. He was on his game as usual, and I kinda knew that he wasn’t paying attention.

The day of the funeral came and I got so many messages off people wishing us luck for the day and sending lots of love to me and my family. Did I hear from my friend? No.

The funeral was horrific. Saddest funeral I have ever been too. My relative was only 47 and has left behind a 17 year old son.

Two days later, my friend sent me a message saying “did you say today was the funeral?”. I left it a while and just replied “no. It was two days ago. I did tell you it was on Wednesday, but you were too busy on your computer”.

He never replied to me.

I have known him too long and I know his silence means HE is annoyed at ME!!
Annoyed at me for daring to bring up his constant gaming.

His silence is making me more annoyed and upset, in an already upsetting time.

Who is in the wrong here???

OP posts:
Jupiters · 19/04/2020 12:51

He's not a proper friend in afraid. Leave him to it.

Nursejackie1 · 19/04/2020 12:52

He’s not a friend Of course he is the one in the wrong. I’d take this opportunity to cut ties, why would you bother with him again he sounds like too much hard work.

user1493413286 · 19/04/2020 12:52

I don’t think I’d be maintaining that friendship; I’m not sure what you’re getting out of it

circusintown · 19/04/2020 12:53

Why bother with him? He's clearly not interested. Just cut ties with him

lmcneil003 · 19/04/2020 12:54

Not sure the question should be 'who is right and who is wrong?'
It should be 'do I want an uninterested cnut in my life?'

1Morewineplease · 19/04/2020 12:56

I’d leave him be, to be honest. He’s not being a friend to you at all. His addiction to his gadgets will destroy all of his relationships.
Walk away.
I’m sorry for your loss.

whywhywhy6 · 19/04/2020 12:58

I’m sorry for your loss.

And this guy isn’t a friend.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 19/04/2020 12:58

not entirely sure why you consider him a friend.

Acquaintance at best, or lazy CF with whom you have very little in common. Seriously, why bother?

He is not responding to calls/texts - suggest you do the same & move on

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2020 12:58

I think you have to ask what is lacking in your friend group that this dickhead is someone you consider a friend.

emilybrontescorsett · 19/04/2020 13:01

I would not be contacting him again.
If he ever bothers to contact you, I would ignore him.
He is not a true friend.

Standrewsschool · 19/04/2020 13:03

He’s obviously addicted to gaming, and as others have said, this will ruin friendships.

He did ask about the funeral, though, admittedly late.

I would just cut him off, and let him contact you, and not vice versa.

Rosebel · 19/04/2020 13:06

He's 38 he sounds about 15.
I agree with everyone else, the way he behaved when your relative died shows how little he cares. I'm not sure why you bother with him.
I'm sorry you suffered the loss of a loved one but let one positive come from this. You now know what a cunt he is and can remove him from your life

Chloemol · 19/04/2020 13:10

Why are you even bothering with him, he’s not a friend is he? Just walk away now

bluebeck · 19/04/2020 13:18

You appear to have set the bar incredibly low when it comes to what constitutes friendship OP. Is there a back story to that?

This person could not give a shiny shit about you. Sorry Flowers

Doula007 · 19/04/2020 13:19

Different friends bring different things. He is obviously not the type of friend you can rely on emotionally or for support. There must have been something you liked about him to want to be friends. Sometimes we have to take stock of what each friend brings to the friendship and decide if it is worth it. Maybe you need to do this with him and decide if it is worth continuing.

AliasGrape · 19/04/2020 13:22

I’m very sorry for your loss Flowers

This person is not a friend. He does not behave like a friend and seems to bring nothing to your life. Drop him.

rwalker · 19/04/2020 13:29

Sadly life is too short wouldn't fall out with anyone . Just distance yourself I'd leave it let him contact you .
You can still be friends but would say after this more of an acquaintance now .

Slave2love · 19/04/2020 13:29

He sounds like hard work. It's just plain bad manners to be engrossed in gaming/phone/TV while someone is trying to talk to you. I really couldn't be bothered with this sort of friendship.
So sorry for your loss.

BubblyBarbara · 19/04/2020 13:33

Reverse?

Anyway, I don't see what you're getting out of this friendship. He is fully entitled to live however he wants to live but I don't think he really wants a friend like you who he has to provide any emotional support to.

MashedSpud · 19/04/2020 13:33

Cut ties.

He’s a self absorbed dick.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/04/2020 13:36

I’m absolutely astounded that you’ve maintained contact thus far. He isn’t a friend, her’s just someone you know. I wouldn’t be wasting any more of my time on him

VettiyaIruken · 19/04/2020 13:38

He clearly doesn't give a crap.
Why keep going round there when he is showing you by his actions that he'd really rather you not?

Forget about him.

Neveranynamesleft · 19/04/2020 13:40

He is the one in the wrong. I really would not class him as a friend. Does he have any other friends that you know of ? Just leave him to it, he sounds like a stroppy teenager. This would be a good point to cut ties.

altiara · 19/04/2020 13:40

Doesn’t sound like much of a friend. I’d just leave it.

billybagpuss · 19/04/2020 13:41

Sorry for your loss.

Step away from the friendship it’s too one sided