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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think AIBU is too unpleasant

95 replies

oogers · 19/04/2020 10:01

Full of things you'd never say to someone in real life. Often it's like kicking someone when they're down. :(

OP posts:
Jellybaby1011 · 19/04/2020 10:12

Yes, I've often posted and felt put off to post again people are just so harsh and mean!

Sparklingbrook · 19/04/2020 10:13

You can hide it you know. The whole topic.

Original poster
oogers · 19/04/2020 10:14

I agree Jelly, it could be welcoming but instead it seems like out for a fight

OP posts:
Original poster
oogers · 19/04/2020 10:14

You can hide it you know. The whole topic.

Hmm
OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 19/04/2020 10:15

Surely better advice would be not to post in AIBU and then you’re less like to get jumped on.

Sparklingbrook · 19/04/2020 10:15

Why the Hmm face. I hid AIBU for a few months and it made MN a much more enjoyable experience. 🤷‍♀️

MimiLaRue · 19/04/2020 10:16

Yes, its brutal. I would never start a thread. Not everyone is mean of course but ive seen the most cruel, vile unkind things posted that were completely unnecessary.
Those people would never have the balls to say the things they do to anyone in real life because they know they'd get a slap. Its typical keyboard courage.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 19/04/2020 10:16

Trot along to chat then, I tend to find those that get piled on post expecting everyone to agree with them and then flounce when MN say they are BU

Original poster
oogers · 19/04/2020 10:16

I don't want an echo chamber. I want to hear what others that are here think. It's the best place to post it

OP posts:
Stroller15 · 19/04/2020 10:17

Yes I don't understand people really going for the jugulum. Many times people use anonymous forums to discuss things they won't do or say in real life but instead of just having a discussion about it they are made out to be absolutely horrible people. Maybe it's just a sign of the times.

MarieQueenofScots · 19/04/2020 10:17

The whole “I calls it as I sees it” trope is so passé.

It’s not difficult to get your point across without being unpleasant.

Sparklingbrook · 19/04/2020 10:17

There is generally always a better topic to post in than AIBU. Especially if you want proper advice or help. But everyone uses this topic ‘for traffic’.

Original poster
oogers · 19/04/2020 10:17

Why the hmm face. I hid AIBU for a few months and it made MN a much more enjoyable experience. 🤷‍♀️

Beacuse it was patronising and you know it. Yes of course it can be hidden but what about people that want to ask a question without being unfairly ripped apart because they, for instance, have tattoos.

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 19/04/2020 10:18

But equally it's refreshing to have a place where we don't have to hide behind social niceties.

Sparklingbrook · 19/04/2020 10:18

It wasn’t intended to be patronising. Just stating a fact.

purplelila2 · 19/04/2020 10:18

People are really horrible to each other and there's no need for it.

They all insist they're all absolutely right as well and everyone who disagrees is wrong.

Pippa12 · 19/04/2020 10:19

I often pick out the most balanced answers and ignore the others. I often find the first couple of responses moulds how the thread will go.

ZaraW · 19/04/2020 10:19

I created a thread on here about a serious medical condition. Some of the responses were not kind. I now post about less trivial stuff I don't really care about.

AdaColeman · 19/04/2020 10:19

Perhaps you would rather have a board called BKNN (Be Kind Not Nasty)?

Original poster
oogers · 19/04/2020 10:20

But equally it's refreshing to have a place where we don't have to hide behind social niceties.

but mn claims to be a supportive helpful enviornment, when it's nothing of the sort on the most popular forum.

It would be better off being called kick people when they're down.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/04/2020 10:20

Well you can hide it, why the face?

Is this one of those recruitment threads for that splinter board? Get everyone saying how shit it is and how nasty it is here and the other place is so much better type of thing?

Now those are getting tiresome.

DailyMailcanfuckthefuckoff · 19/04/2020 10:23

People can be very harsh on AIBU, I wouldn't dare make a post on it! As @MarieQueenofScots said, there are ways to communicate your opinion without being unpleasant. @Anyfucker manages to do it well. Some posters can be brutal.

MimiLaRue · 19/04/2020 10:23

But there is a middle ground between saccharine social niceties and flat out being cruel and saying something on purpose to cause the maximum amount of hurt.

Its not either/or. Ive seen people wishing death on others for the dumbest, most insignificant of reasons. That is ridiculous and its certainly not just "keeping things real". Noone would ever say that crap in real life because they know what it indicates about their character.

AvonBarksdale99 · 19/04/2020 10:24

The thing is a lot of people post on AIBU but as soon as anyone says yes, they are being unreasonable, or in any way criticises them or their behaviour, they immediately post back arguing why that’s wrong and explaining how they were, in fact, right. Which is fine, but don’t post a supposed question asking if what you did was fine or not when you clearly think it was and won’t listen to any other opinions about it.

Then if a few people agree that it was wrong and post saying that it becomes a ‘pile on’ and ‘bullying’. I personally think if someone posts a response like ‘you’re an awful person and deserve to die’ or whatever then yes, that’s just needlessly nasty and spiteful, but simply saying what they did was wrong and that you don’t agree with it isn’t ‘bullying’ in my opinion.

MashedSpud · 19/04/2020 10:24

If a person is sensitive or after virtual hugs then aibu isn’t the place to post.

There are many other topics to post in.