To think AIBU is too unpleasant

[oogers]

Full of things you'd never say to someone in real life. Often it's like kicking someone when they're down. :(

I think there’s a lot of extremely judgmental people on there (and the internet as a whole) who get a kick out of pointing out every single “flaw” they can find and massively exaggerating it. I sense a lot of pent up anger in their posts and think they’re just using this forum as a way to make themselves feel better by putting other people down rather than wanting to discuss topics and provide genuine advice.

@elsiebear90

I totally agree. There is something quite wrong about someone who wishes death on another human they dont know merely because they dislike a certain food, or they are annoyed by their neighbours or they forgot to send someone a thank you card etc
Considering that none of us are perfect, and neither are they, its a ridiculous overreaction and indicates a level of pent up anger and bitterness that is really quite concerning.

Sometimes I think AIBU is just a playground for women who never grew out of being a teenage bully.

There certainly are some posters like that. What I've seen is that so many posters will never admit that they themselves are guilty of it when they patently have been guilty of it. Others are unapologetic about it, they think they have a right to say what they want.

Another aspect that really annoys me is the accusation of 'drip feeding'. No one will say everything in their original post because they don't realise what other posters will pick up on. It also leads to too many much too long opening posts 'so as not to drip feed'.

I’ve had lots support when my son almost died. BUT, there really are some posters who are just absolute arse holes, and they know it, and seem to take pleasure in ‘just being honest’. I hope they aren’t as vile in real life as they come across on here - I imagine not to be honest.

I agree with you. Some of the responses I’ve seen are unnecessarily nasty. It tells me far more about them than anything the OP has said. And I don’t believe they would actually speak to many (if any) people like that in person. I also think they sometimes use it as a way to make themselves feel better about whatever is happening in their own lives.

YANBU. It’s often a place where bitter, sour, know all women to come and take their shitty lives out on other, often vulnerable, women. I would hate to know some of the regular posters who clearly have nothing better to do than throw their virtual weight around. Having said that, I doubt they are as bold in real life !

I also think some some posters simply don't get that some OPs have had a very different experience of family than they have. For example, on a thread about the OP's toxic mother, there is always one poster who pops up to say that she would give anything to have another hug from their beloved DM, who passes away the previous year. It's just inappropriate and demonstrates a lot of projecting on the part of that poster and a lack of empathy.

I can never understand why posting in aibu gives others a free pass to be vile, but posting in chat or another topic you'll get different, nicer replies. It's all the same site.

@Mittens030869 THAT really annoys me! Those people annoy me in real life as well though.

You’re right OP. And it’s getting nastier. I’m not sure I’d post there again unless I had nerves of steel.
NextDoor which was also reasonably benign has also got nastier.
I think this situation has brought out a lot of fear and aggression in some people.

The ‘they wouldn’t say that in RL’ thing is a bit strange.
In RL you don’t tend to get into ridiculous conversations about random subjects with trolls/liars/fantasists/goady people like you do on here. You have conversations with friends and family and people you like. With the occasional raising of eyebrows when they say something a bit .

The ‘they wouldn’t say that in RL’ thing is a bit strange.

Nah- I get it. If I said to a co worker, "Urgh my neighbours really upset me last night playing music until 5am and I couldn't sleep".

The last response I would expect would be:

"OMG they deserve a life you self centred hag! maybe think about how hard things are for THEM at the moment, maybe they have mental health problems and need to listen to heavy metal at 5am- you sound like a judgemental bitch"

I see AIBU the place to one to ask for an honest, sometimes brutally so response.

If I went to my sister, best friend or mum with the questions on there I'd get a "wtf?, hell yes", "fucking hell, no" or "pull your bloody self together and get a spine" type response.

It only gets really tedious when the OP agrees with the balance of response and there are still 20 bazillion other posts hammering on.

If you feel the posts are getting OTT, say so or report them or as Sparkling said, walk away and hide the thread.

What I am saying is that your co worker who you presumably like and get on with would give you a normal measured answer.

@TSSDNCOP my mum or sister too would have no hesitation in telling me to a) get a grip or b) do something about it then!

If you say that on here though you’re accused of being insensitive ?

It never used to be like this it was more factual advice which people either flounced at or accepted. Now you have to do ‘unmumsnetty hugs’ and ‘be gentle with OP’.

Do agree when it becomes 15 pages of the same thing and OP left on page 3 it’s stupid

BossAssBitch - I agree!

It amazes me how if you disagree with somebody you are called a “cunt” or a “twat” or told to “fuck off.”

And of course people tell you what to do expecting you’ll do it. Well, in the past I may have sought advice from here but it didn’t mean I had to follow it. I once posted how I was starting a job in the NHS knowing I would be leaving as my husband was being deployed. One person said “I have reported you to HR OP so they can track you down.” Yeah good luck with that! Another said “well you’d better turn the post down OP, I’ll be really angry if you don’t.” Okkkkayyyy some anonymous person on the internet will be angry with me.

Another said “you’re just an entitled bitch like all military wives.”

I started the job as planned and left a few months later when DH’s new posting came through. The people in that job will have long forgotten me by now. I have an image of random Mumsnetters sitting at home “fumming” about it though!

I was once called a liar and stupid when talking about my Master’s degree because I made a couple of typos. People pounced on me! Well I DO have a BSc and a Master’s like many other people. It was a strange situation when people were saying “you’re making it all up.”

It really is JUST a forum. It doesn’t matter. I’ve had really helpful advice on the Conception, General Health and Employment forums. AIBU? Not so much.

What I am saying is that your co worker who you presumably like and get on with would give you a normal measured answer

Yes- totally agree. Which is why I think most people who come out with rude, OTT responses wouldn't dare to ever say that in real life, because well, who would? and if you did, you probably wouldnt have any friends left after a while lol
I reckon its all keyboard courage- and pent up anger vented in what they consider to be a "safe" environment

I think the troll hunters are more annoying than the trolls, the passive aggressive confused faces and the raking through years of posting history (when people quite legitimately change details for privacy).

It is just a forum but just because YOU can take online abuse because you think you are ‘telling it like it is’, a lot of people can’t.

That’s doesn’t make them weak, drippy or snowflakes either.

I posted on AIBU for advice about my dd. My dd was told off by her teacher a couple of years ago for having a loud voice. I posted asked advice - I did this as my mum died some years ago and I wanted a sounding board. I got some vile comments about my dd, it really upset me.

Actually turned out that the teacher was bullying my dd and other children in her class. A year or so later she was sacked.

I think some people on AIBU are just looking for a argument. Not interested in giving advice or opinions just want to knock others down.

I was told by someone that buying chocolate and wine with my weekly shop was murdering people and that they were “sobbing and shaking” whilst reading my post.

I was told by someone that buying chocolate and wine with my weekly shop was murdering people and that they were “sobbing and shaking” whilst reading my post

Bwahahahaha!

Do people really ‘sob and shake’ ?! I mean really ?

I sent DH to the supermarket yesterday. Along with the big shop he got me a newspaper, Prosecco and chocolate. I imagine some people are sitting at home “sobbing and shaking with emotion” reading that.

On no other forum I’m on are people accusing other users of murder for buying things in a shop. It’s unique to Mumsnet and it’s really, really weird.

BirdieFriendReturns

I was told by someone that buying chocolate and wine with my weekly shop was murdering people and that they were “sobbing and shaking” whilst reading my post

And they walk amongst us

I think the troll hunters are more annoying than the trolls

I have never subscribed to that. Trolls are way more of a problem.