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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends boyfriend is rude?

80 replies

CorinnaSinner · 18/04/2020 20:12

FaceTimed with my friend last night (her suggestion if relevant)

We were about 20/30 mins into the chat when her boyfriend comes and sits next to her. Says hello and then sits there on his phone.

I felt quite awkward as wouldn’t necessarily discuss/have the same conversation with him just there listening.

They are self isolating together so are already spending 24/7 with each other. Too much to ask to have an hour to talk in private?

OP posts:
ButtonandPickle19 · 18/04/2020 20:14

If he’s anything like my DH, it simply wouldn’t have occurred to him to be out of the room if I was on the phone unless I told him to go away! He’s probably just not realised

emilybrontescorsett · 18/04/2020 20:17

I m On the fence with this.
I suppose if she wanted to say anything privavte she would have left the room.
It is hard to be totally private during lockdown.
My friend always tells me if her dh is with her when I ring, not that I'm saying anything he can't hear.

IMissTheOutside · 18/04/2020 20:18

I agree with Button to be honest, my husband never thinks to leave a room if I’m on the phone/FaceTiming! Half the time he’s stood in the background mouthing something about not being able to find his phone/keys/wallet and is completely oblivious to how hard it is to talk to two people 😂 but he doesn’t mean anything by it at all!

lifestooshort123 · 18/04/2020 20:19

I think he was just being thoughtless tbh.

stickman12 · 18/04/2020 20:20

It was up to her to leave the room if she wanted to. His house why shouldn't he sit there

Original poster
CorinnaSinner · 18/04/2020 20:20

But he wasn’t in the room to begin with. I saw the room as she was showing me a delivery she’d had.

He just came in during the middle of it.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 18/04/2020 20:22

I don't think he's rude to be fair. If someone wants to have a private conversation they should leave the communal area. But I'd prob suggest it was rude to be having an 'out loud' phone convo in a communal area IMO

cacaca · 18/04/2020 20:25

Wouldn’t it be rude if she made him leave the room?

PleaseStopSayingNewNormal · 18/04/2020 20:26

I'd find it a bit awkward, too, OP. The conversation wouldn't feel the same as it would if he weren't sitting right there.

However, though it does change the atmosphere to have a third party involved, he probably didn't make a calculated move to intrude. If it's really bothering you or you want to have a private conversation with your friend, you could mention that to her in a text sometime before your next conversation, but if you're usually just chit-chatting, it may not have occurred to her that it would be a problem.

Jamhandprints · 18/04/2020 20:27

Not rude really. Kind of annoying though. I used to find this in thr old days whrn people went out, I'd arrange to meet a friend and they'd turn up with their husband. :-/ Not the same as having a catch up with an old friend. But it happened a lot so I think its normal.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/04/2020 20:27

I think it is odd, but it depends on the set up of their house. Was their anywhere else for him to go?

I’m currently hiding upstairs as my DH is on a call and the kids are in bed and it’s way past the point of sitting in the garden...

We only really have the one room to ‘sit’.

Wolfiefan · 18/04/2020 20:27

So if she was on the phone taking a normal call and he walked in then she should send him out because it’s “private”?
I’m guessing you don’t live with a significant other?

Herpesfreesince03 · 18/04/2020 20:28

You’re being ridiculous

Original poster
CorinnaSinner · 18/04/2020 20:28

Yeah I agree with you Please - definitely don’t think he did it maliciously, just a bit thoughtless. Changed the dynamic even though he wasn’t involved in the conversation.

OP posts:
Sherlockia · 18/04/2020 20:30

It depends, if your friend was in the communal living room area then it seems a bit unfair to monopolise that room for a long time and expect her b/f to stay out. If the conversation was private it would make more sense to have that conversation in another room like a bedroom and leave the main room free.

Original poster
CorinnaSinner · 18/04/2020 20:30

So if she was on the phone taking a normal call and he walked in then she should send him out because it’s “private”?

I think there’s a difference .. normal call you can’t always hear what’s being said.

Being on video and him being right in the camera view as much as she was ... yeah I did find it a little awkward.

OP posts:
Mitzdob · 18/04/2020 20:30

My husband came in with just a towel on earlier when I was FaceTiming my friends! We were in fits of giggles like we were 12 again !

Mustbethewine · 18/04/2020 20:47

Wouldn't have categorised him as rude tbh.

Nitpickpicnic · 18/04/2020 20:58

Well I think it’s rude and intrusive. I’d have said something like ‘Oh, I think Rodolfo needs you so do you want to organise another chat for same time next week?’

If she said ‘Just ignore him’, I’d laugh and say ‘No can do, feels too rude. No worries, see you next week. Stay safe.’

If she’s your mate, she’ll get the message. His (or her) preferences don’t outweigh yours. Even in lockdown. It’s basic respect to give someone privacy for a one-on-one chat. You’re allowed to prefer to chat ‘for her ears only’. Of course it limits what you say and the tone you use if there are other people about. Or it should!

TheGirlWithAPrince · 18/04/2020 21:09

Yabu.. Its his house too presumably, if it was private ahe could have told him to go.

Me and my dh wouldnt think anything about staying in the room whilt th other is on a call and if it was private then we would move to another room or ask them too.

BumbleBeee69 · 18/04/2020 21:11

I would have ended the call as soon as he joined the screen share.... it's girls catching up... the end Flowers

Sirzy · 18/04/2020 21:14

Where in the house was she is key surely?

To expect someone not to use a room like the living room for an hour while you chat to a friend is the rude part!

Ameliablue · 18/04/2020 21:15

Wouldn't it have been worse if he'd come into the room off shot and not let on her was there.
I think it depends where she was taking the call. If it's in the communal sitting room then it's fair game for him to come in but if she had gone somewhere private in the first place and he'd still come in, that's not on.

JingsMahBucket · 18/04/2020 21:16

YANBU. It was inconsiderate and possibly clingy of him. If I were you I would have piped up though and asked him to leave. Presumably they have more than one room in their house? He could have gone anywhere else other than wherever your friend was.

heartsonacake · 18/04/2020 21:23

YABU. I don’t see the issue here. It’s his house, why shouldn’t he be there Confused

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