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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends boyfriend is rude?

80 replies

CorinnaSinner · 18/04/2020 20:12

FaceTimed with my friend last night (her suggestion if relevant)

We were about 20/30 mins into the chat when her boyfriend comes and sits next to her. Says hello and then sits there on his phone.

I felt quite awkward as wouldn’t necessarily discuss/have the same conversation with him just there listening.

They are self isolating together so are already spending 24/7 with each other. Too much to ask to have an hour to talk in private?

OP posts:
Daftodil · 18/04/2020 21:36

Why didn't your friend go elsewhere? The BF may have wanted to watch tv or something, so couldn't your friend have gone to the bedroom or kitchen or something? It is inconsiderate, but the blame is with your friend rather than the boyfriend. I think people in relationships don't always realise that not everyone feels as comfortable around their partner as they do.

longwayoff · 18/04/2020 23:26

??? You live alone? He is in his house. He lives there. Your friend should have moved to another room. Tell her its a future requirement for your conversations. I expect she'll have a reply for you.

HandfulOfDust · 18/04/2020 23:32

I would assume he's more a bit clueless than rude. It probably didn't occur to him it would change the nature of your conversation (he probably thought he wasn't listening anyway so it doesn't matter what you say). Your friend could have asked him to give you some privacy though.

jewelledpineapples1 · 18/04/2020 23:57

I have had the exact same situation. But don't see it as rude, just a little awkward and don't want him to feel as if i'm not interested in talking to him too by asking my friend to go somewhere more private, because although I haven't met him, he's joined in many of our FaceTimes and is perfectly lovely and I feel as if I know him.

Back to your situation: He is not being rude, he is in his house and came to say hi. If your friend felt she wanted a more private conversation this is a discussion she would need to have with her partner.

You can also request in the future. Which room will you be calling from? I feel I can be more open knowing no-one is listening and I am just talking to you.

hesgotit · 19/04/2020 06:56

It was up to your friend to move to another room, maybe she wanted to wrap the conversation up? I presume she was in the lounge? Maybe he'd been clearing up the kitchen then finished and wanted to sit down and relax, which is fair enough.

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 07:03

Yes, it is rude, and weird. But I find the responses on this thread to be far worse; “it’s his house too” ... “maybe he doesn’t realise”... “I saw my husband’s knob while chatting to a friend, it was soooooo funny”...
I know meeting online is new to a lot of people but this is just very odd. Most people would never interfere in a private chat, I think it is even more important now so we can achieve a semblance of normality.

JingsMahBucket · 19/04/2020 07:34

@TKAAHUARTG Well said.

Sirzy · 19/04/2020 07:46

Most people wouldn’t try to have a private chat in a communal room in their house!

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 07:49

What choice to we currently have at the moment though sirzy? Maybe I am just lucky that the people I live with really respect each other’s “social” lives.

Sirzy · 19/04/2020 07:53

Go to a different room? Go and sit in a bedroom or whatever.

If as it seems she was sat in the living room then it is unfair to expect other members of the house not to use that room.

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 07:56

Some people might not have other rooms to go to. Do they not deserve privacy or consideration? I think it could be a bit of a red flag to have someone there overseeing all that you do. I am sure some people are really taking advantage of that sadly.

Sirzy · 19/04/2020 07:57

No other rooms in the whole house?

It’s not overseeing all that is done to want to sit in your own front room! Especially not when you have been giving space and privacy for half an hour as it is.

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 08:06

Can you not even imagine having no other rooms? How privileged are you?

Sirzy · 19/04/2020 08:07

Well as he walked in from another room I think it’s pretty safe to say that isn’t the case here!

Even if there is only one room there has to be some give and take and expecting to hold a private conversation in that room for an hour is madness - and out of interest as you think he shouldn’t be in there where does he go in your one room scenario? Lock himself in the bathroom until he is given permission to come out?

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 08:09

The boyfriend was on the screen though, how fucking close did he have to be? I live in a ridiculous open plan house (and no I won’t be confined to my bedroom). My family would not dream of coming into the space I am in, whether with students, colleagues or friends. Yes, maybe I don’t understand why people can’t be as courteous. Or maybe, sadly, I can.

KatherineJaneway · 19/04/2020 08:09

Sounds like he is just thoughtless or nosey!

Sirzy · 19/04/2020 08:10

So you would rather be sat there with the Op not knowing he was arojnd? He stuck his head in to say hello so that she did know he was arojnd.

Sirzy · 19/04/2020 08:11

And to me being courteous is making sure other people don’t have to listen to your private conversation by making changes yourself not expecting others to leave the room!

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 08:18

Well. Most adults are discreet and normal. But yes if I was online with some of the people on this thread I probably should worry. I don’t actually believe he had to leave the room, but why sit next to her? Onscreen? But then just play with his phone so he was not being sociable or friendly. Who is actually truly interested in their partner’s conversations with their friends anyway? I think we both know the answer to that.

Dieu · 19/04/2020 08:41

It sounds like he sat beside her. Same room, ok, but not ideal. Sitting right beside her during the conversation, rude.

Mittens030869 · 19/04/2020 09:31

I tend to go up to the bedroom when I'm on the phone/FaceTime with close friends or my DSis. It wouldn't occur to my DH to come and sit next to me, he finds something else to do. I wouldn't say the friend's bf was rude, but a bit clueless, and I would feel uncomfortable and would finish the conversation at that point.

It's the sort of thing one of my DDs would do, and I tell them that it's a private conversation and could they please leave the room?

HandfulOfDust · 19/04/2020 09:34

@TKAAHUARTG

Don't they have a bedroom? If her friend wanted the chat to be private she could have gone there. Not all chats are private anyway. If I was physically at a friend's house I would be happy for her partner to join us - so there's no reason for him to assume this was an especially intimate chat in the first place.

GinDrinker00 · 19/04/2020 09:36

I would of told him to go away jokingly but I suppose it depends what sort of relationship you have with them both.

AintNoMaryPoppins · 19/04/2020 09:37

Well my answer depends on where they were.

Was your friend sat with her laptop at the dining table and he just pulled up the next chair and sat there? YANBU.

Was she sat on the sofa and he just sat on the other side in view, doing his own thing? YABU.

I facetimed my friend from the sofa the other day. You could see DH on the other side of it because he was sat there watching something. I'm not going to tell him to leave his own living room. However if I'd have been sat at the table and he'd just pulled up a chair I'd have told him to get lost.

TKAAHUARTG · 19/04/2020 09:38

Not everyone has a separate bedroom @handfulofdust, how lucky you are to not know that right?

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