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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Annoying friend

78 replies

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 19:12

Inconsequential in the scheme of things, but really starting to get on my nerves.

I have a friend who is shielding due to having asthma. Despite having had a recent disagreement (he wanted to take a picture of me naked to do a painting of; I objected) I called a truce and have been keeping an eye on him and sending regular messages to check he's ok. I have also offered to take shopping round if he doesn't want to go outside and can't get a delivery slot.

He keeps deciding he wants to "meet" (via Skype) to have lunch at a particular time. The first couple of weeks I went with it, despite him only suggesting it an hour in advance and him commenting that I hadn't actually prepared any lunch (I'd had a late breakfast). The third time (half an hour's notice) I said I was busy. Today, literally no notice and I didn't see the message until later. When I did read it I suggested we could Skype later but he replied he was busy painting.

I then said it would be nice to have more than zero minutes' notice and that I could be in the middle of something as well - and he's got the hump.

AIBU to think that, even though we're in lockdown, it's a bit presumptuous of him to act as if I should be at his beck and call, and there's no reason he couldn't have proposed today's Skype lunch yesterday or earlier this morning? And AIBU to be a bit pissed off that he's now acting as if I'm being awkward?

It makes me feel like an afterthought - he makes sure he's all ready, lunch on the plate and in the mood for a chat, and expects to click his fingers and I'll drop whatever I'm doing.

OP posts:
Smelborp · 18/04/2020 19:14

He wanted to have a nude photo or you and expects you to be at his beck and call. Is he really a friend?

BMW6 · 18/04/2020 19:17

FGS just text "I have loved you as a friend until now when you have morphed into an utter twat. Cop on to yourself or Fuck Off."

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 19:18

He wanted to have a nude photo or you and expects you to be at his beck and call. Is he really a friend?

He's basically a decent guy, and is interesting to talk to, but he has some funny attitudes, particularly towards women.

OP posts:
shinyredbus · 18/04/2020 19:19

What now?!

1Morewineplease · 18/04/2020 19:19

I’d be very wary of him now.

mbosnz · 18/04/2020 19:20

He sounds an utter prat. I'd leave him to it.

Mustbethewine · 18/04/2020 19:28

I honestly don't understand why you still entertained him after he requested a nude photo of you 😳 that's just bizarre!

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/04/2020 19:41

I think the photo request is the BEST excuse to get one for the wank bank.

GinDrinker00 · 18/04/2020 19:43

Why you entertaining him after he asked for a nude photo? What a creep.

Chillicheese123 · 18/04/2020 19:44

He’s not a friend. He wants to shag you.

Samtsirch · 18/04/2020 19:45

Why not have a regular lunch date once or twice a week at a time which suits you both, then neither of you will be caught on the hop.
Tell him that would work for you, anything more would result in the two of you falling out due to his needy/ controlling/ selfish behaviour.

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 19:45

I think the photo request is the BEST excuse to get one for the wank bank.

Well quite. He is a fairly serious amateur artist, but when I said I wasn't comfortable with it and, rather than accepting that, he replied asking how he could persuade me I got a bit annoyed.

OP posts:
UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 19:51

He’s not a friend. He wants to shag you.

We have shagged in the past, but he was selfish in bed so I terminated that arrangement.

OP posts:
Bubblebu · 18/04/2020 19:55

"I called a truce and have been keeping an eye on him and sending regular messages to check he's ok"

The answer from the above is do not keep an eye on him - respect him enough to never contact him again. Why do you feel the need to keep in touch with him because he has asthma??

I just do not get that.

BrummyMum1 · 18/04/2020 19:56

The naked photo thing is creepy. I’ve done lots of life drawing but only at organised classes where the subject is a paid model there of their own free will. No one (professional or amateur) should be going around asking for naked photos of friends to paint.

Bubblebu · 18/04/2020 19:57

"We have shagged in the past"

so there is your answer.

Block him.

Do not keep an eye on him.

Do not contact him.

Assuming he is a grown man (asthma or not) you should not be in contact with him if the relationship did not work out (unless you two have children together which I had not picked up on and if that is the case then it is a different story).

YakkityYakYakYak · 18/04/2020 19:58

No YANBU to be pissed off, but don’t think you should be surprised at his behaviour. Everything you have said about him makes him sound entirely self-interested. Thank god you didn’t send him the photo.

Sparklesocks · 18/04/2020 20:00

He doesn’t seem like a friend, friends don’t generally asking for naked photos of each other (artist or not) because they understand it’s inappropriate and crosses a line of the friendship.
Also they don’t expect you to be available to drop everything at their request to suit their needs.
I also couldn’t be friends with a man who had ‘funny attitudes to women’ im afraid. Because it implies he wouldn’t respect me in the same way as a he would a male friend.

Spied · 18/04/2020 20:00

Urgh. I'd not be Skyping him at all. In fact I'd use lockdown as a good way of ghosting him tbh

AriadnesFilament · 18/04/2020 20:00

Back up there.

He asked for a nude picture of you but it’s the fact he’s being a bit inconsiderate about the lunches that’s the problem?!

copperoliver · 18/04/2020 20:00

He is a narcissist. You don't need friends like him. X

Sparklesocks · 18/04/2020 20:01

Oh missed the bit about shagging. Yeah he probs wants you to get your tits out on Skype 🤷‍♀️

Sushiroller · 18/04/2020 20:03

He's basically a decent guy,

He was selfish in bed

From a non snarky and serious place.

End contact with this creep and get therapy. You have poor boundaries and low self esteem.

Mylittlepea · 18/04/2020 20:04

Forgive my direct answer but he sounds like a total fucking weirdo.

You’ve shagged him before, he was selfish in bed. He wants a nude photo of you. And demands you instantly drop what you are doing to ‘meet for lunch’

What is it exactly you are gaining from the friendship???

Bubblebu · 18/04/2020 20:04

He might be a narcissist.

But OP "keeping an eye on him" bit.

I don't get that. You had a sexual relationship it did not work out. Yet OP is still "keeping an eye on him" because he has asthma?

Literally millions of people in the UK have some kind of condition which mean they are shielding. And they are all adults of some age or another.

He is totally out of order to ask for a naked photo.

But OP seems unreasonable in the first place to still be in touch with him because he has asthma. I do not get that (unless as I say they have children together in which case I understand why she is still in touch with him).

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