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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Annoying friend

78 replies

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 19:12

Inconsequential in the scheme of things, but really starting to get on my nerves.

I have a friend who is shielding due to having asthma. Despite having had a recent disagreement (he wanted to take a picture of me naked to do a painting of; I objected) I called a truce and have been keeping an eye on him and sending regular messages to check he's ok. I have also offered to take shopping round if he doesn't want to go outside and can't get a delivery slot.

He keeps deciding he wants to "meet" (via Skype) to have lunch at a particular time. The first couple of weeks I went with it, despite him only suggesting it an hour in advance and him commenting that I hadn't actually prepared any lunch (I'd had a late breakfast). The third time (half an hour's notice) I said I was busy. Today, literally no notice and I didn't see the message until later. When I did read it I suggested we could Skype later but he replied he was busy painting.

I then said it would be nice to have more than zero minutes' notice and that I could be in the middle of something as well - and he's got the hump.

AIBU to think that, even though we're in lockdown, it's a bit presumptuous of him to act as if I should be at his beck and call, and there's no reason he couldn't have proposed today's Skype lunch yesterday or earlier this morning? And AIBU to be a bit pissed off that he's now acting as if I'm being awkward?

It makes me feel like an afterthought - he makes sure he's all ready, lunch on the plate and in the mood for a chat, and expects to click his fingers and I'll drop whatever I'm doing.

OP posts:
wehaveafloater · 18/04/2020 20:05

Tell him to Foxtrot Oscar! He's not a real friend.

ButtonandPickle19 · 18/04/2020 20:06

YABU to have such a dysfunctional friendship

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 20:07

Why do you feel the need to keep in touch with him because he has asthma??

Because he was shielding on his own and because he was quite anxious about coronavirus.

you should not be in contact with him if the relationship did not work out

It was never a relationship.

OP posts:
MotherOfAllNameChanges · 18/04/2020 20:09

Huh? Hmm

Bubblebu · 18/04/2020 20:13

OK.

I am out.

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 20:16

But OP seems unreasonable in the first place to still be in touch with him because he has asthma.

I've probably not been clear. We've been friends for about 15 years. During that time we've had an irregular FWB arrangement, but I stopped that about 18 months ago as I deemed it unsatisfactory. He's made a few attempts to rekindle it, but I have turned him down; however we maintained the friendship.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 18/04/2020 20:17

Are you actually friends? I mean, do you like each other and enjoy each other's company and do stuff together?

Bubblebu · 18/04/2020 20:18

OK UnaCorda.
Maybe my last post was a bit brutal. But may I ask how old you are?
Having sex does obviously not mean a relationship as you know.

He is not entitled to a naked picture of you. Equally you should NOT be being in touch with him because he has asthma. It is not your responsibility. And if you are staying in touch with him because you still hold a flame for him - well millions have done it before you so I am not going to criticise you for it - but now is the perfect time to really cut him off. Whatever you still feel for him if it was not a relationship take advantage of the current climate and block him.
With best wishes.

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 18/04/2020 20:19

All sounds very weird and creepy. He does too. Naked photo to paint my arseGrin

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 20:22

Are you actually friends? I mean, do you like each other and enjoy each other's company and do stuff together?

Yes, we do.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2020 20:23

I think you should back away. There are plenty of people out there, who would make better friends. Friendships do not have to last a lifetime.

Sushiroller · 18/04/2020 20:24

Jesus wept 🤦‍♀️

Like bubblebu... I am out.

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 20:28

Maybe my last post was a bit brutal. But may I ask how old you are?
Having sex does obviously not mean a relationship as you know.

I'm in my 40s. He's a bit older. Yes, I know sex does not equal a relationship. I don't want a relationship with him and never have.

He is not entitled to a naked picture of you. Equally you should NOT be being in touch with him because he has asthma. It is not your responsibility. And if you are staying in touch with him because you still hold a flame for him...

I don't think he is entitled to a picture of me naked; that's why I didn't let him take one. I don't feel responsible for him; I was just trying to be kind. I don't hold a candle for him - not at all.

I'm annoyed at him, but I'm not in any way distraught or heart-broken.

OP posts:
Chillicheese123 · 18/04/2020 20:29

OP You need to look at the Instagram account ‘beam me up soft boi’ I think you will appreciate the charms of the ‘serious amateur artists’ on it 😬

squirrelsbizaar · 18/04/2020 20:33

Op. what are you getting out of the set up and why do you feel responsible for this individual.

glitterbiscuits · 18/04/2020 20:33

Have you told him he was a crap shag?

If not do it now. He may not bother you again

Result!

UnaCorda · 18/04/2020 20:37

Have you told him he was a crap shag?

Yes. Apparently he wasn't feeling well and I should have been able to see things from his point of view. Hmm (It was clearly the sort of illness that meant he could satisfy himself in bed, but then had to immediately roll over and fall asleep.)

However, we have met as friends quite a few times since then.

OP posts:
Malvinaa81 · 18/04/2020 20:38

All most distasteful.

Not quite sure why you are asking this.

But if you actually want advice- stop having anything to do with him.
Not something I suspect you will follow..

BTW Perhaps he could paint you naked from memory since as you so elegantly put it he has shagged you?

Baluchistan95 · 18/04/2020 20:38

Bubblebu. Why are you out?

RedPanda2 · 18/04/2020 20:41

He doesn't accept no as an answer
He's annoyed you have a life outside of skyping him
He wants you to send nudes
He has an odd attitude towards women
He sounds like a teenage incel. Get rid

Veterinari · 18/04/2020 20:42

I understand the relationship OP but my question is why are you being so kind to someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about you?

He wants you at his beck and call and when you don't comply he has a tantrum. I think if you are really friends then you need to call him out on his unreasonable behaviour. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then how genuine is this friendship?

Standrewsschool · 18/04/2020 20:42

He is unreasonable expecting you to drop everything when he wants. If he gets in a strop, keep repeating that in future you need more notice, and perhaps arrange a future lunch date. If he demands lunch, and it’s not covenient, then tell him and don’t give in. He may be shielding, but that doesn’t give him the right to dictate your behaviour (controlling?).

everythingisginandroses · 18/04/2020 20:45

Some rather puritanical responses here, but that's MN for ya. Would you be ok with life-modelling for him in normal circs?

Bubblebu · 18/04/2020 20:58

Baluchistan95

why are you not out?

As I said in my post of Sat 18-Apr-20 20:18:24 there are many many resaons why people might keep in touch with people where there is no prospect of a relationship. Happy to say I never did that after the very few one night stands I had but I did hang onto some (7 year) and then (10 year relationships longer than I should have. (more shame me).

I am just trying to understand and protect OP. Maybe I have totally misunderstood this but assuming she is keeping in contact BECAUSE he has asthma and assuming they do not have kids together and assuming there was never an actual emotional relationship at any point then - why is she keeping in touch with him - even if she holds a flame for him should now not be the time to give it up (difficult tho that might be).

Please tell me how I am wrong on that (although the OP does not give us all facts for my assumptions).

BumbleBeee69 · 18/04/2020 21:01

What do you find annoying OP ? reading this you appear to enjoy being on call ? you've done nothing but defend him, so I don't get the issue ? Confused

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